He's Got The Whole World In His Hands

We made it to Friday. Can I get a hallelujah? Did anybody else have a week that left you wondering if you were gonna make it here and what shape you would be in by the time you got here? Well, if you did, I'm with ya.

I feel like I have just climbed out of a pit. I'm wore out and still shaking off some of the dirt. I feel rotten for saying that because I know my week has been fabulous compared to some. I got the kids (kind of) registered for school (I'll post about that soon), I celebrated 9 years of marriage (over McDonald's. We do it right, y'all), and today I got to tour the new dance studio I will be teaching at. I was meant to work somewhere with pink and green walls. My shirt even matched the walls. Took everything in me not to jete` across the room.

So, are you wondering why the pit? Well, I'll tell ya, my heart has been so heavy for people I love. Do you ever have times where you just feel so overcome by other people's situations that no matter how good things are going for you, you just can't feel it? That's where I've been. Last Friday as Josh and I prepared for our date night we received the devastating news that one of our church member's husbands suffered a massive heart attack and died instantly. Their daughter is close to my age and she has two little girls of her own. As you can imagine, it really hit close to home for me. You would think that I would know exactly how to minister to her, but the truth is, it's harder for me now. Because I know that there really isn't a single thing I can do to make it better. You know what I mean? Josh and I debated cancelling our date, but once he visited the family he felt like they needed some time alone. I agreed. I know that was all I wanted when we first left the hospital. I also felt like after going through what I went through with my Dad and then this happening unexpectedly, I don't want to look back one day and regret things that we didn't do. We spent some time with the family on Saturday and then Josh had a part in the funeral on Monday. I was planning to take the kids to the kitchen at the church with me and help the ladies feed the family, but it was raining and Kate ended up passing out in the recliner exactly as the funeral started. I sent Sarah over with our dessert and started feeling guilty.

One of the biggest challenges for me right now is balancing my family and my desire to do ministry with Josh. I absolutely know that my biggest ministry is my family and taking care of them. But I often find myself feeling like I'm not *doing* enough ministry wise. There I go with the whole *doing* things again. Anyway, I really did feel bummed that I hadn't asked someone to keep the kids so I could be there.

Tuesday afternoon I received a phone call from a former church member in Mississippi sharing equally awful news. One of our former church members was in critical condition on the way to the hospital. As soon as Josh got home we began wondering if we needed to travel that way. There were so many factors. The kids. The puppies. Church Wednesday night. Then, there was the struggle that maybe only those of you in ministry can understand. Should we go at all? We can't go back for everybody and everything. Is it fair to our new church? What if our grieving church member needed us?We were dealing with all of this on top of just the total shock of the situation. We stayed updated by phone, but continued to be heartbroken over the situation.
We decided to wait until Thursday to make our decision. We had gotten news that he came through surgery fine, but were still considering going. Josh went to work with his Dad on Thursday and I was at home without my phone. I had accidentally set it down in a puddle of water on the counter and it died. Of all times. As soon as he walked in the door he told me I needed to call my Mom. My 1 month old niece, Lyla, had stopped breathing earlier in the day and had been taken to the hospital. Fear and panic don't even begin to explain my emotions. So, that answered the question about if we were supposed to go to Mississippi. Were we supposed to go to Georgia? We loaded up and headed to the bank to deposit some checks and ran by Verizon to get my phone fixed. Jenny called to let us know that only one person could stay at the hospital. We decided just to wait until this morning to decide what to do.

So, all of that said, I spent all week agonizing over where I needed to be and truth be told, I spent most of the week on the couch. Or the phone. I found myself up at 2:00 this morning bathing the puppies and bleaching the bathroom. Nervous energy was the only kind I had this week. So, as I was scrubbing the bathroom I found myself praying. And listening. I found myself expressing my frustration that I can't be 5 places at one time. And do you know what hit me? He can! And He was! While I was making desserts, changing pull-ups, folding laundry and texting updates, He was consoling that hurting family who has lost their loved one. He was kneeling at the bedside of that man recovering from surgery and wrapping his arms around his hurting daughter. And He was keeping watch over Baby Lyla, even better than her exhausted Mama, aware of every breath she took.

I am a tired, scatter brained, good intentioned but very lacking human being. I want to be everywhere for everybody, but half the time I'm just doing good to keep my 2 year old out of my make-up bag. But I serve a God who is EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE. I can't explain it. I just marvel at it. I just find peace in it. I just rest in it. When I finally crawled in the bed at 3:00 this morning, it wasn't long before I drifted off. Because I knew it was okay to close my eyes and rest my brain. He's got the whole world in His hands. And He knows what He's doing.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7


"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."  Luke 12:7
 
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."   Deuteronomy 31:6
 
Baby Lyla is home tonight! All of her tests came back normal. She will be on a new medicine and a new formula. So thankful tonight for God's provision! She just stuck her tongue out at those doctors and told them exactly what she thinks of them!
 
 

How about you? Do you have any burdens you need to share? Anything I can pray with you about? Let's help each other carry these burdens and make sure we lift them up to the Father! If you don't feel comfortable sharing here, you can e-mail me at emilyfid06@yahoo.com.