That's When I Had a Dad

I have to be honest, this week has been rough for me. Not VBS every night or welcoming 7 puppies into our family. There will be a post about that soon. For some reason, I've just been really emotional. The other night I was telling Josh a story about something I did as a kid and all of a sudden, I was overcome with a gut wrenching sadness. Because that story made me think, "That was when I had a Dad."

Tuesday night at VBS my helper confided in me that she had had a rough day as it was 2 years since her Dad passed. Again, the sadness punched me in the stomach. A year ago I would have felt sorry for someone who told me such a thing. That night, I felt overwhelmed with the thought of how I will handle those anniversaries in the years to come. I felt genuine empathy for the emptiness she was feeling that no other living soul could fill. And I knew that even though Jesus would comfort her, it would still hurt.

And today, I took Sarah to a dance recital that one of my former teacher's was having. We went to lunch, bought her a new dress and headed to the theater. We waited with anticpation as the house lights called everyone to their seats. And then, my mind wandered to events past and present. To recitals where I was a tiny tot who had to be bribed with a glow worm to go on stage and my senior year performing my first solo. Those were recitals when I had a Dad. I reminisced about Sarah's first recital last year that we sat and laughed at the little kids and did our best to keep Kate entertained together. And he would lean over and say, "It seems like yesterday you were up there doing that." And then it hit me that next year when we have our dance recital, it will be the first ever in my life that he won't be there. 

There has been a lot of fun and excitment this week and I was planning to blog about all of it. But I just felt the need to share this. I haven't blogged much lately about this whole grieving process and I realized that I think it's because I haven't been letting myself do it enough. So, if it's okay with you, today I'm just gonna take some time. I'm gonna remember. I'm gonna cry. I'm going to feel the things I need to feel.