That Was Easy

Sometimes life is just not funny. Have you noticed that? I try so hard to use my sense of humor as a coping mechanism, but let's face it, some things just aren't funny. They are tragic and heartbreaking. They make you question everything you've ever known. They're just hard. So, I've learned that my sense of humor, while helpful at times, cannot be my source of strength and peace in difficult situations. But do you know what I have learned? I really do have a source of strength and peace in difficult situations. It is how I know God is real. There are so many really smart people who could out debate any day on the existence of God, but no one can convince me otherwise. Because I know. Because I've experienced Him.

Since we've moved I have a friend back in Mississippi who has commented several times on how happy we look in pictures. I feel like people think that we've moved into our little piece of paradise and life has just been peachy. And the truth is that we have experienced many blessings since moving here. We've also experienced some of the toughest trials and deepest heartache we've known. I would say that looks are just deceiving and we've plastered on some fake smiles in pictures. But the truth is, I'm a lousy liar and those who know me best will tell you that I communicate with my eyes. If I look happy in a picture, I am. That is one of the reasons it is so hard for me to see pictures of me during my depression. I can just look at them and see how miserable I was, even if I was smiling. My eyes weren't. What I'm getting at here, is that it seems the lesson God has been bringing home for me over the last several years has been happiness does not equal perfect circumstances. Anybody else been in on that seminar?

After yet another experience this week that left me feeling beaten and battered I realized that as much as I was hoping that when I hit 30 I would be out of the "decade of disaster", it's not likely. I'm not kidding, my 20's have been rough.  I would give you a year by year summary of all of the less than perfect, not part of the plan, way stinky things that have happened, but I'm over it. Really, I am. And do you know what has amazed me about the last few weeks and the trials that I've faced? I've been able to handle them. Where the 20 year old me preferred to hide under the covers or eat a case of honeybuns to deal with stress, I feel like the close enough to 30 year old me discovered some newly formed spiritual muscles. These muscles enabled me to DEAL with my issues and not ignore them or wish them away. I won't say I didn't cry, whine or have some pity parties through them. Maybe I can say that when I'm 40. :)  But, at the end of the day, I put on my big girl panties and kept going. It hurt. I didn't like it. But I did it.

Tonight in ballet class I was working on leaps with the girls. As I demonstrated a leap one of the girls sighed with frustration and said, "It's so easy for you."  I laughed out loud. One, because I am not a spring chicken anymore and I will probably be feeling that leap for the next week and two, because I promise it was just yesterday that I was 8 and  knew that I would never be able to do a leap. I didn't realize at that age that after 8 more years of leaping, ugly and painful as some of them might be, that I would be able to leap. And apparently make it look easy.

What is the moral of this story? Practice your leaps! Just kidding. The moral is that only the Holy Spirit can bring true peace and strength in our most trying situations. And the way that the peace and strength are perfected in us, is through those trials. I could read 15 books on leaps and watch 50 ballet productions, but the only way to build the muscle memory, strength and flexibility to leap is by leaping. Over and over. Even when it's hard. Even when it hurts. Even when they're so ugly they make you want to cry. That's life, y'all. I cannot tell you how many times I've had the conversation with God about how it would be so much easier to minister to other people if I weren't constantly dealing with so much drama in my own life. My Father continues to patiently explain to me that without these trials I wouldn't have a clue how to minister to people. My ability to recognize needs is greater because I have been in need. My compassion for those who are on the prayer list due to sickness has increased because I've experienced health scares. When I hug someone who is grieving, my heart is still grieving, too. When I tell a young Mom, "I know how you feel", I really do.

Some things just aren't funny. But apart from my salvation and the amazing fact that I will one day spend eternity in Heaven with my Heavenly Father, I think the most awesome part of being a Christian is the way that He grows our hearts and changes us in ways that only He can. Our trials have the power to destroy us. To bring out the worst in us. To create bitterness in us. But when we rely on His strength He has the power to use our trials to build us up. To grow the best in us. To bring sweetness where there was once bitterness. To fill us with such peace and strength that when we come up against life's toughest moments we can look back and say, "That was easy."


"An evidence that our will has been broken is that we begin to thank God for that which once seemed so bitter, knowing that His will is good and that, in His time and way, He is able to make the most bitter waters sweet." (Jonah 2:9)
NancyLDemoss


²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

James 1:2-5


3We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing. 4Therefore, among God's churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.
 
2 Thessalonians 1:3-4