He is For Us

I love my job. Have I shared that? I mean I LOVE it! I had no idea it would bring me so much joy and fulfillment. Tonight one of the Moms commented on how much her daughter has improved and it made me want to soar. I've taught her something! Right now I am teaching 7 classes with girls ranging in age from almost 3 to almost 9. I started to wonder after dance camp if I would get bored only teaching the younger girls. I wondered if I would long to do more complex combinations, challenge my students more, challenge myself more. Honestly, I just couldn't be happier. The other day I was having an especially bad day and right in the middle of tap class one of my 3 year old students came up to me, wrapped her tiny arms around my legs and said, "I wanna hug you". That led to a big, class hug and I have to tell you, they will never know how much I needed it that day.

With my petite ballet and jazz classes I have the best time. That's the 6-9 year olds. Their classes are so basic (to me) but it thrills my heart to see them learning new skills and working so hard on things that really challenge them. I've discovered that I could do barre work 8 hours a day. It is so peaceful and relaxing to me teaching and demonstrating the basic skills. Even after so many years of not dancing, combinations are as much a part of my brain make-up as telling time or writing my  name. I remember being their age and having to work so hard to train my body to do things that seem so basic now. Turning my feet out, pointing my toe, keeping my leg straight, keeping my back straight. Oh, how the 8 year old me dreaded my ballet teacher pushing my hips back into position or making me stand up straight. But now, it feels like medicine for my achy, breaky body. I had no idea the corrections and teaching tools my teachers used so many years ago would pop into my head so quickly and leave my tongue so naturally. It's the basics. It might not seem exciting or important to others, but I've realized just how important my job is. The technique I teach them will stay with them however many years they continue to dance. Right now they are getting the foundation that will shape their performance in the future.

I just shared all of that for two reasons. One, I needed to focus on something good. This has been a very difficult, challenging, no good, very bad week for me and my dance classes have been some bright spots for me on some pretty dreary days. Second, as I thought about the importance of laying the foundation for these girls, I couldn't help but think how it is the fundamentals of my faith that pull me through difficult, challenging, no good, very bad weeks. This hasn't been a week for great spiritual revelation or personal revival. It's just been one of those weeks of hanging onto Jesus' cloak, squeezing my eyes shut and praying He will just make it all okay. I'm not talking about leaky refrigerators or hyper puppies. I'm talking about the kind of life issues that keep you on your knees and make you long for the days when broken ice makers are your greatest foe.

I haven't blogged much this week because, truthfully, I just haven't felt like it. I've been physically and emotionally exhausted. I've been anxious about meetings and appointments and I've pretty much retreated into my own little world. I finally feel like I can breathe tonight. Not because everything is all better or that I've gotten all the answers I need. I'm still waiting on some answers in several different areas. I asked Josh tonight if someone signed me up to be a character in a Tyler Perry movie and forgot to inform me. Seriously, the drama in my life the last few weeks could keep a soap opera running for at least a good year or so. Usually I am an open book about the things I am dealing with, but this is one time that I just don't feel like I can be so open. And I hate that. It's just the way it is.

The only reason I'm sharing any of this is to share something fundamental I've been reminded of this week. Back in the day as a baby Christian I was in something called Bible Drill and we were assigned a number of verses to memorize. My friend Brandi and I discovered a verse that completely changed our lives at the age of 14. Romans 8:31 says,"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" I have so taken that verse for granted for so many years. Just this week Josh and I were talking about an experience we had in the hospital shortly after Sarah was born. I had a meeting with the lactation consultant (who I affectionately nicknamed the breastfeeding nazi) and it went very bad. Y'all, literally an hour after becoming a mother my personality drastically changed. My whole life I had been a sweet, calm, non-violent person. Well, an hour after birthing my first child I discovered a part of my personality I had never experienced. That woman said that my child was not a go getter. As Josh and I discussed that I told him I wanted to kick her in the head. My poor husband seemed a little taken aback by my sudden violent nature, but the thing is, I really wanted to. It was good for that woman that I was in a hospital gown and that I still couldn't feel my legs. I am telling you, there is just something about becoming a Mama that makes you protective and defensive in a way you've never known. I should probably feel a little guilty over my reaction to that situation, but I don't. There is a part of me that feels a lot of pride in the fact that even though I have always been a quiet, go with the flow, take whatever happens kind of person, I DO NOT STAND FOR IT WITH MY KIDS!!! Just so you know.

I've spent a lot of time this week thinking about how much I love my kids, how proud I am of them, and how nothing hurts my heart worse than them hurting. And it occurred to me that if I love my kids that much in my human, imperfect state, how much does God love us? And not just love us, but feels protective of us? I know many times in life I have felt thrown to the wolves. Life is hard. People are mean. We all make mistakes. Sometimes life just stinks. And often we feel like everybody and everything is against us. I must confess that I have even felt at times that God must be against me. Or He must just not care. Let me tell you, He has assured me this week that nothing is further from the truth. I am completely convinced that those times we feel beaten, battered and forgotten, He is fighting our battles for us. He is for us. Our enemies and challenges are many in this life.He is for us.