The Land of the Living

A couple of weeks ago I was shopping at Wal-Mart (was that a collective groan I heard?) and something struck me. Everybody looked miserable. Have you ever noticed that? Maybe it was just me. Maybe it was just a bad day. Maybe everybody else feels the same way about grocery shopping and they would also rather be beaten with a big stick than have to go to Wal-Mart. At the same time I had that realization I felt like God spoke so clearly to me. I felt like He asked me why we were all so miserable. Of course, it's hard to answer for several hundred complete strangers, but then I understood that what He was really asking was for me to check my heart. I became overwhelmed that I was extremely blessed to have the money to buy groceries. That I am extremely blessed to live in a country where an air conditioned store is available 24 hours a day (even if it is Wal-Mart). Blessed to have a car to drive home and blessed to have a family waiting hungrily. I don't know the situations or circumstances that  all of those grumpy people were facing or what they were going home to. But, I do know that I felt intense conviction that we are spoiled rotten. And by "we" I mean all of us who live in this country and enjoy so many of the luxuries that we take for granted and then complain about when they don't work for a few days or maybe 20 minutes.

It may sound like I'm preaching now, and maybe I am a little. It's been a long time since I've really felt led to blog something that I really didn't want to. I just know that that very day God brought a verse to my mind and today it was part of my daily Bible study. I felt like it was a "Yep, this really is what I was talking to you about." That verse is Psalm 27:13 and it says this, "I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living."  You see, as I looked around at all of the miserable, grumpy people, I began to feel like it is an epidemic. Let's face it, we all have bad days. I have certainly had my share and this blog is evidence that there are times I just drag y'all all up in them. But the more I interact with people the more I sense that our bad days have turned into weeks and months and years. Bad things happen and we start to shut down. I am a professional at depression so let me tell you how this works: you get hurt, you start to shut down because it is easier to not feel than to hurt, then you either completely operate on autopilot just surviving your days, or the emotions are too much and anger is the most convenient emotion because it keeps people at a safe distance where they can't hurt you. Is this sounding familiar to anybody?

Going back to the verse, I know God brought it to my mind that day because I literally felt like I was surrounded by the walking dead. I'm not talking horror flick remake here, I'm talking about a death that is worse than physical death. Spiritual and emotional death. I know this may seem out there and crazy tonight, but the more I have experienced my own grief and trials and the more I've talked with others facing serious and painful situations I can't help but feel that we have been seriously deceived. Revelation 20:10 talks about , "And the devil, who deceived them." It's his job. To deceive us. To lie to us. To make us believe things that are not true. I believe one of the biggest deception he's used right now is that things are so bad. Our economy is bad. Politicians are bad. Families are falling apart. Everything is bad. And I really mean no disrespect to anyone out there who feels like everything really is bad in their life. Believe me, I've been there. I'm tempted many days to hang out in the pits of despair. Sometimes I play hostess and invite others to join me. I am not for a second implying that there aren't bad things going on. I absolutely know for certain that some of you truly are suffering in ways that others wouldn't even want to imagine. The devil's deception is not telling us that things are bad when they're not. The deception is that there is no hope. Life stinks so we might as well feel bad about it. I call this the Eeyore mentality.

I read a fictional novel once based in biblical times. The main character was a woman who lost her husband, sons, daughter in law and grandchild to a vicsious murder. The Roman guards who murdered her family also burned down her house. She literally lost everything. In those days they buried the dead in tombs, which were pretty much caves. This woman was so grief stricken that she actually moved into one of the tombs. She literally moved in with the dead. Her life stopped.

I think about that story as I see and talk with so many people. We've all experienced some kind of loss whether it be the loss of a job, loved one, or a dream. There are so many losses we can suffer. But the greatest loss is when we choose to die, too. We may be outraged at the idea of taking our own life and yet, we completely allow our hearts, souls and minds to die with that person or hope. We refuse to accept that there is still life. We move into the tombs. I can say all of this because I have been there. I can also say it because I refuse to go back. REFUSE. Kicking and screaming, I fight the demons that want me to go to THAT  place again.

I have problems. I've had them in uncomfortable abundance these last couple of years. Yes, I said couple of years. The truth is, I can't think back over the last decade without thinking of a situation or relationship that has been difficult. That realization has brought to my attention the fact that if I'm going to wait for all the stars to align and life to be perfect before I experience a full life again, I need to just hang it up! I have had a really great couple of weeks and when that happens it is tempting to think I must be doing something right. But the truth is, the only thing that has changed in the last couple of weeks is MY FOCUS. I had crept off into Zombieland with the crew of the miserable and God got my attention. He reminded me that my hope is that I will see HIS GOODNES IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING. Sometimes I think we suffer thinking that it will make us more spiritual. Let's all be miserable here because we will all be happy in Heaven, right? WRONG! God's Word promises, not that everything will be good here, but that we will see HIS GOODNESS.

We have been deceived when we think we won't have problems. We have been deceived when we think that God abandons us in those troubles. And we have been deceived when we think that a full plate of unhappiness is on the menu for Christians here on this earth. We are promised joy and hope. Why are we missing it? I think it is because we spend more time waiting for God to do good things and not enough time just seeking His goodness. The goodness that gives us hope and sustains us even when life isn't good.

I don't want to sound overdramtic here, but I have a tendency to be that way. Especially when it comes to this topic. After fighting a 6 year battle with depression God brought healing into my life. I went on to come very close to taking my last breath the day I gave birth and suffered complications. I then went on to stand by my Dad's bedside and watch him breathe his last breaths at the age of 55. I don't understand how things work. I don't understand all of God's decisions. I don't know why God has blessed me with health and many of the resources He has. All I know is that I want to use them for Him. But this is what I do understand after those experiences: If you are breathing tonight, God has a purpose for you. That's just all there is to it. It's a purpose only you can serve in the land of the living. We can't lose hope!