In the last couple of weeks I've been in a spiritual drought of sorts. Have you ever been there? My last few weeks went from being super busy with birthday planning, Mother's Day and job interviewing, to being completely isolated in our house with a sick baby, then back to the craziness (and fun!) of our trip to Georgia. This week I have found myself in a desperate attempt to put my head back on straight.
During Baby Watch I often joked about catching the "Midnight Train to Georgia" and I have to admit that that song has stayed stuck in my head. I love that song. If you've never heard it it's a song about a girl following her guy wherever he goes. Not at all popular with feminists, I'm sure, but I adore it. For one, it's just catchy. Makes you want to throw on a sequined dress and put your hair in curlers. It also perfectly describes how I feel about Josh, no matter how unfeminists (another new word?) it may be. You see, I've gone through various dreams and life plans in my day, but from the age of 17 I knew that no matter what happened in my life, it wouldn't mean anything to me if Josh wasn't there. Do you want to know why I got married? Well I will tell you. It was because I could not stand the idea of spending another minute of my life without Joshua Stuart Fidler. That is all.
You are probably wondering what any of that has to do with my spiritual drought. I'm getting there. Promise. You see, it might seem weird to people how I talk about God and my relationship with Him. I get that. I know that there are people who read my blog that start rolling their eyes or feeling sorry for me when I mention things I feel like He has "spoken" to me. I was watching a news show the other night about a guy whose Mom mentioned a time he felt like God spoke to him, and I thought, 'that sounds crazy'. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!! But I know that there are people who automatically start making a mental checklist of mental institutions with rooms available when you say such things. I would probably be one of those people if my own personal experience had not taught me otherwise. I am a follower of Jesus simply because I could not stand to live another minute of my life without Him.
My favorite line in that song says, "I'd rather live in his world, than live without him in mine." Now, after recieving a degree in social work I might be tempted to diagnose Gladys Knight as someone with extreme co-dependency issues. But, as a girl who fell in love, I just get it. I just get that sometimes it happens in life that you meet someone who sweeps you off of your feet and you will not be okay with life unless you are with them. That is what happened when Jesus asked me to follow Him. In the last couple of weeks (okay years) there have been times when I have found myself tempted to wonder how different things would be if I hadn't made the decision to follow. Would they be easier? Honestly, I am not the type of Christian who will tell you that Jesus came into my heart and everything in life became perfect. Didn't happen. Actually, you read my blog so you wouldn't believe it even if I did say it. I KNOW there are things that would be easier if I didn't believe. Living for Jesus, with the kind of faith He asks us to live, challenges every single part of life. Family relationships, jobs, education, where you live, how you parent. There are lots of days I feel very tempted to say "I just want to do it my way!" Jesus asks me to be selfless, giving, forgiving, loving, and faithful. Somedays I just want to be selfish. I want to take and not give. I want to hold on to my grudges just a little bit longer. I would rather gossip about people than love them. I see other people who are not believers and they seem to be doing just fine.
But, the truth is, I could never be okay without my faith. Because it is not about being "fine". It's not about living the American dream. It's about living in His world. It's knowing that on the hardest day in His world, He is there. It's just about Him. Psalm 93 says, The LORD reigns, he is robed in majesty; the LORD is robed in majesty and is armed with strength. The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved.
So, I choose to be part of His world. Because at the end of the day, I'd rather live in His world, than live without Him in mine.
3 comments:
Hmmmmmmmmm. Deep thoughts, Emily Fidler.
Better is one day...
thank you for sharing this.
Our DT teacher at church asked us this question Sunday: "If you died and found out Christ wasn't real - that it was all a myth, would you still be glad you lived the Christian life?" I was the only one in the class that said "no" and I felt like a bad Christian:) But the reality is that I think a lot of aspects of my life would be easier, much easier, if I could just be worldly all the time. However, the benefits of His world are so much greater that b/c He IS real and He IS alive, it makes it beyond worth it! I liked this post (I've been going through a drought of my own lately!).
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