Captivity

Our minds are amazing aren't they? Have you ever just stopped and marveled at the creativity, imagination and brilliance that are around us? Have you had one of those moments when you've thought, 'Who came up with that? How did they think of that?'  As fascinated as I am by the awesome, divinely created human mind, I am equally intrigued by what happens when it fails to reach it's potential. Because let's face it, like all human, flawed, part of this fallen world things, it is not perfect. We all have times when something "slips our minds". We forget. We confuse. We overlook. And in worst case scenarios, we snap. Things aren't working in our minds like they are supposed to at all. I for one, am fascinated by such cases. Maybe fascinated isn't the right word. But I can tell you that if a show like "Hoarders" or "Intervention" or "Strange Addictions" or something along those lines are on, I'll be watching. Because I want to know. What happened? What is wrong with these people? What life scarring event caused them to be this way? And I think deep down, there is a part of me wondering, 'Could I become one of these people?'

Usually, when there is a story of violence or strange behavior, there is a backstory. This happend when they were 5 or they experienced this as a young adult. But sometimes, there is no backstory. To me nothing is scarier than watching a show about a serial killer and they say those fateful words- "He was a bright, attractive, outgoing young man. NO ONE had any idea he was capable of this." Does that just totally creep anybody else out? Well, I say all of this to make the point that whatever battle someone is facing from hoarding to addictions to killing someone, it starts in their mind. Perhaps I can impress you and say that I have a social work degree and that gives me the authority to make such a statement. But the truth is that I've learned this the good, old fashioned hard way.

God  placed this blog on my heart earlier today as I have continued to struggle with some personal battles. In addition to grieving I've been experiencing some health issues and as I have dealt with my body hurting and being fatigued, I've realized that I can handle that. I've danced with pulled hamstrings. I've danced while having asthma attacks. I had a needle put in my eyelid while I was awake. ( I will tell y'all about that one day. Or maybe I will spare you...)  I've given birth with an epidural that DID NOT work. So what I'm saying is, I have a pretty high pain tolerance. What I seem to be lacking lately is the mental power to keep myself going. And I've decided that it has been the emotional fatigue of grieving meeting the physcial fatigue of my body and my brain saying, "I've had enough of all of you. I'm checking out."  Anybody been there? Please tell me I'm not alone.

After a few days of checking out and giving the enemy too much power in my life, I was reminded of the importance of taking every thought captive. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5.  I believe that this Scripture makes it clear that becoming a Christian does not keep wrong, untrue, and sometimes sinful thoughts from entering our minds. Man I wish it did! But the truth is that our minds are still very human and very vulnerable to attacks from the enemy. ESPECIALLY during the times when we are tired and isolated. Those were the times Jesus Himself was tempted. (Matthew 4) Whatever thoughts we are struggling with whether they are obssesive, unforgiving, angry, selfish, or whatever they are, Christ gives us the power to take them captive and give them to Him. This was one of the biggest steps of healing in my depression. I really had to begin to claim Scripture in my life and replace the lies I often told myself. Whether the thoughts we struggle with are sinful or just hurtful to ourselves, we need to remember Romans 12: 2,  "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." I don't think it is by chance or coincidence that we are told to renew our MIND and not to change our habits or  go to church more. The truth is that no matter what attempt we make at changing our life, it has to happen in our  minds, first.

Sometimes I get the impression that people think that being obedient to God is a chore or something they just have to do to keep God happy. I do believe that God not only desires, but commands that our hearts and thoughts be pleasing to Him. But it has been my experience that it is not only for Him. It is also because of His love for us. Because He knows the captivity our minds can put us in. For weeks after I lost my Dad I would lay in bed unable to sleep. Everytime I would close my eyes I would see my Dad laying in the hospital suffering. I would relive the experience as over and over. Finally I prayed one night and I asked God, "Do I have to think about this? Is it necessary? Is it part of healing?"  And I felt like He answered with His Word.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Philippians 4:8

He brought to mind Scripture I learned many years ago and I felt like He was releasing me. Like He was telling me it was okay not to dwell on that pain, but to focus my heart on the closeness I felt with my family, the peace He had given me in the hospital and the good memories I had of my Daddy. I am a big fan of  facing things and dealing with them. I feel like the church has been guilty of telling people to put on a happy face and pretend like things are peachy even when they're not. So please don't think I'm downplaying pain and suffering. Please know I only want to offer the peace and comfort that was given to me in my time of pain and suffering. I do not write this as a preacher's wife who wants everybody to put on a plastic smile and tell people to drink the happy Kool-aid. I say this as someone whose heart has been completely broken and has to continually, on a daily basis, give those pieces to Jesus and trust Him to put it back together.

I already had this blog on my heart when another event happened today. We're having visitor's week at the dance studio today and Josh and I were there to watch Sarah's classes today when he recieved a phone call. It was his Mom and they talk a lot so I didn't think a thing about it. Josh excused himself and when he didn't come back after a few minutes I had the feeling that something was wrong. Once the class was over Josh explained to me that a man had walked into a school board meeting with a gun and shots had been fired. Josh's Mom works in that building and was in another office watching the meeting on a TV. She witnessed the entire event as it unfolded. You can read the story of what happened here. Obviously we are very relieved that she and all of the others are okay. I talked with her tonight and she is holding up much better than I would be! I thought about this subject that I already had on my heart as I watched the video footage on the news tonight. As I looked at a room I've sat in for a meeting. As I looked at the room in a building my husband had left 30 minutes before the incident took place. A room my mother-in-law was too close for comfort to as a man who was out of his mind walked in carrying a gun. Who knows what was going on his mind? All I can think is that he was a man who let his thoughts control him. They took him captive. They consumed him. Those thoughts led to a tragic outcome for him and affected many others.

I also think tonight about those who were in that building. Those who felt fear many of us will hopefully never experience. Those who will replay the events of this day in their minds the same way the news channels are replaying the video on their shows.  My prayer for them tonight is that they can take those thoughts captive and give them to the One who is strong enough to handle such fear, pain and stress. I pray these Words would be real for them.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:7