Sometimes I Cry Over Spilled Milk...

Are y'all ready for another confession? Here goes. Sometimes I cry over spilled milk. And laundry. And pop tarts smushed in the carpet. Yes, it is silly, but somedays are just those kind of days.

This particular blog of reflection has been inspired by my upcoming 1 year anniversary of leaving my job as a hospice social worker. You see, August 28th of last year I said my goodbyes, packed up my desk (I had to give a 3 month notice to get that task accomplished :) and turned in my pager. I can honestly say that I haven't regretted that decision for a minute. It was definitely not an easy one to make. I loved my job and found it very rewarding. But God gave me a very clear Word that I was supposed to be at home and I still remember the day I told Josh. Sitting in the recliner crying my eyes out. I cry a lot, can y'all tell? Anyway, we had no idea how it would work for me to be at home. No idea at all. But Josh went on faith that I was listening to God and not just tired of paperwork and meetings. God blessed us by opening a door for Josh to get his chaplain job just hours after I gave my boss my notice. It was one of those times I could almost feel God patting me on the back saying "See, I told you I have it all under control."

I guess right now is a time that I need to be reminded of that calling He placed on me. I say that calling, because often it is so easy to take motherhood for granted. Even though I haven't necessarily wanted to go back to my job, there have been many times I've thought about different people I've worked with and worried over them. The hard part of social work (as with many jobs) is that as hard as I worked my last few months I wasn't able to wrap up all of my cases and put a bow on top. There were many problems still unsolved and questions still unanswered. That's just how life works, or doesn't work. Still, I felt that maybe I had made a small difference in some people's lives.

At times I am tempted to look back at my job and think 'There are so many people who need help. Shouldn't I be helping these people?' I spend my days cleaning the same messes over and over and cooking meals that go half uneaten just to have hungry mouths pillaging throught the kitchen 30 minutes later. It feels not rewarding and not fulfilling. Couldn't somebody else feed my kids and clean up after them? Isn't that horrible? Well, here I am just being honest again.

There is never a time when I share personal confessions with you that it is not because I feel like there might be someone else who feels the same struggle. I find myself struggling with the questions "Isn't there more I could be doing? Something more special? Something more worthwhile, that would impact more people?" And I hear God's loving voice tell me, "I've given you three little people to nurture, teach, and love. What could be more special or worthwhile?"

I find much comfort in the book of Ecclesiastes that tells us there is a time for every season. I don't know what season you are in. You may be like me with little ones and find yourself frustrated with mundane chores and not having any clothes not covered in milk and snot. You may be at a job that doesn't feel fulfilling or purposeful. You may be an empty nester not sure what to do with yourself. Or you may just worry that your life will not be as significant as you would like it to be. I have found much peace in seeking to enjoy each season. It is easy sometimes to feel that whatever is going on in life will always be that way. I constantly have to remind myself that my little ones won't always be little and anytime I start whining about life my friend Karen has strict orders to remind that I will be crying in 20 years about how much I miss this phase of life.
(Karen, I really need that reminder right now as my kids are raiding the kitchen and fighting with each other. :)

The very first sermon Josh ever preached he used the Great Commission in Matthew 28. I have always remembered that sermon (we had a nursery at that church :) and how he taught us that the word "Go" as in "Go into all of the world and teach and preach and make disciples" actually translated "as you are going". For some reason that made such a difference in my life. I believe it showed me that instead of sitting around waiting for a grand revelation of God leading me to some foreign tribal community, He was saying, wherever you are be there. Wherever God has placed you there are people and opportunities that only you have.

I just want to encourage you to embrace the season you are in. Jesus did amazing, miraculous things while he was on earth. But he did them in boring, ordinary places with normal, everyday people. I pray this week you will feel His presence and know His Will-as you are going.