Sometimes I feel like my heart has an owie. Life gets busy and provides a temporary band-aid, but then a moment hits and the band-aid gets ripped off. I predicted that my grieving would hit a new level after we moved, and I was right. It just doesn't seem right that I haven't seen my Dad yet. I can't imagine how confusing it is for little kids who lose a parent. I have literally cried every single time I've hit the red light at the end of the air force base headed to our house. Because it hits me then that I've been to Panama City and I didn't see my Dad. Of all things, K-Mart causes me problems. When we lived in Panama City we lived just a few blocks from K-Mart and I made frequent trips there. I would often see my Dad in there because he avoided the crowds at Wal-Mart like the plague. I would run into him picking up laundry detergent or his beloved Sprites. I've been in there several times now and one of the times I found myself wanting to go back to the aisle with the drinks just to look for him. And I had to remember he wouldn't be there.
So many people have told me that time will heal and while I know that time will definitely lessen the ache, I also have enough experience with heartache in this life to know that time doesn't heal. It's what I do with the time. It's the way that I cry out to the Father and let Him heal my heart.
"and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor."
I recently came across this quote and it spoke to me. If you are in the same boat with me, we don't have to wait for time to heal us. The Healer is waiting on us...
"We all know people who have been made much meaner and more irritable and more intolerable to live with by suffering: it is not right to say that all suffering perfects. It only perfects one type of person...... the one who accepts the call of God in Christ Jesus." -Oswald Chambers