Sunday, March 28, 2010

Smile! I Think I'm on Candid Camera...

Welcome to "Speaking the Truth in Love and Laughter's: I Must Be on Candid Camera" edition. This edition will also include "Man, I Hope I'm NOT on Camera".

I HOPE I'M NOT ON CAMERA

* I have now TWICE driven the wrong way down two different streets in Port St. Joe. THE WRONG WAY people!!! Praise the Lord no one else was driving on those streets (although I might have gotten a hint if I had seen other people driving at me) and there were no collisions. I would also like to say there were no witnesses, but of course I never get away with that. Cortnee risked her life by riding with me the first time it happened and the second time, well...there was a whole work crew of men watching. Fabulous. I'm sure they had great fun laughing about the tourist going the wrong way. They may have even called me a northerner. Gasp! Lord help us all if we ever move somwhere like Miami.


I MUST BE ON CANDID CAMERA

*Back when Matt and Cortnee were here we took them to lunch at a great little Mexican place downtown (I didn't drive). There was an older couple sitting in a booth across from us who kept looking at Kate and smiling. On their way out they stopped and told us she looks just like their grandaughter. The lady then proceeded to ask Josh "You haven't donated sperm anywhere have you?" After cleaning up the Diet Coke that spewed from my nose, all I could do was LAUGH OUT LOUD! Did a complete stranger really just ask my husband if he had donated sperm? I wish I could have thought of something witty and clever to respond with, but it's 2 weeks later and I still haven't figured out how to respond to that one! It was truly one of those moments that I kept waiting for someone to jump out and say "Smile! You're on Candid Camera". They didn't.


*Yesterday we went by my Mom's and she gave me....get ready for this. A goose egg. At first when she told me about it I had visions of delivering a goose and raising it in my backyard. She assured me she had already boiled it. In fact, she had burnt it! She forgot it was boiling and it actually burnt. She wanted the kids to have it though so they could paint it and she thought they could just paint over the burnt spot. I took the burnt goose egg and we carefully transported it home, where I proceeded to accidentally drop it on the counter and crack it. The kids were asking me about it today and if it was going to hatch. I began detailing the trauma of the egg and at the exact same time Josh and I both said, "His goose is cooked!" Well, now the burnt, cracked goose egg is sitting in my kitchen. Does anybody else have this dilemma? I didn't think so...




I HOPE I'M NOT ON CAMERA

*This morning was a little rough. I was sick all last week and having trouble sleeping and my schedule (that has never been great to start with) got all messed up. By last night I was EXHAUSTED as was exhibited by the fact I was in bed at 10:00. I NEVER go to bed that early and Josh was truly in shock. I thought that meant I would get up this morning with bells on ready to start the day, but it just didn't happen. I was dragging. To make matters worse I am in desperate need of a haircut so my hair has gone straight into a ponytail everyday. Then, I couldn't find a thing to wear. Do you also have this problem? It seems to only happen to me on Sunday mornings. I had actually tried to prepare last night and lay my clothes out, but I realized this morning my skirt had a stain on it. So, it was back to square one and nothing was working right. I finally decided on a dress, but it is one of those with a slip dress that is attached. Do you know what I'm talking about? Difficulty level for getting this dress on: 8. Oh.My.Word. I must have tried 10 times to put the thing on and everytime I would miss an armhole or get the whole thing wrapped around my neck. I was frustrated to the point of verbal expression bringing Josh running down the hall breathless asking, "Are you okay?" No. I was not. I was way frustrated with my dress. By the time I got dressed this morning it looked like my cloest had thrown up on my bed. Then, Sarah's dress didn't fit. Apparently Kate's foot just went through a massive growth spurt and her dress shoes that she just wore last Sunday didn't fit. She ended up wearing tennis shoes with her dress. I also realized when I was fixing her hair this morning that she had POURED SPRITE in her hair. She got a ponytail too. As we walked to church I observed that we were looking like some serious riff raff and made myself feel better that everybody will have new clothes and shoes for Easter next Sunday.

OH NO! I AM ON CAMERA!

*So, I got to church and got over caring what everybody looked like. We had a great time in Sunday School and before service started I made my rounds to speak to everybody. A man I hadn't met yet introduced himself and I immediately recognized his name. He is the associational director. That was fine until I walked away and heard him tell Josh that he wanted to get a family picture before he left! I made him promise he wouldn't take any pics of our feet and he agreed. :) We got another surprise today when Josh's grandma, Mammy and his Uncle Jimmy and Helena came today. We had no idea they were coming and it was great to see them. Of course, that also meant more pictures. Of all days, y'all. Of all days. :) By the way, if you belong to the Northwest Coast Baptist Association and you get some kind of newsletter or something with my family's picture on it, please pass the word that we don't always look like that....

MORAL OF THE STORY: Always dress like you will be in pictures, look for wrong way signs while driving, don't burn your goose eggs, and always be prepared to give an answer when someone asks if you've been helping repopulate the earth!!!!!




DISCLAIMER: The picture of the clothes on the bed is a reproduction. I actually cleaned off the bed and made it up when our surprise company came by. I then threw the clothes back on the bed while Josh was napping to provide a visual for you. In case you are wondering, it looked even worse this morning. In case you are also wondering, yes my husband does think I'm weird. :)

3 comments:

Melody said...

LMAO (laughing my armpits off) Okay, that's the preacher wife version I just made up. Ahem. Girl, you make me laugh. Here is what is hilarious...I was reading about the goose egg and gasped and threw my laptop down because I just remembered I had 24 eggs boiling on my stovetop....I put them in over 40 mintues ago and forgot ALL about them. So I ran to check on them...the water was almost out and quite a few are cracked but not burned! HA! So thanks for the great timing of the post. The sperm donor comment is just too funny all around. How did your hubs respond to the question? That is just a riot. I bet that woman would have died if she had known she had just asked that of a preacher!

Pat Fidler said...

You are hilarious! Your stories remind me so much of myself. Not that I'm hilarious but reading your posts make me laugh. I can't wait to get to know you sometime. I think we'd make great friends. Love your blog!

patty said...

That sperm donor story? HILARIOUS! If I weren't so tired, I'd run in there and tell my husband (who, incidentally is cooking dinner right now!), but instead, I think I'll just walk :0)
I missed your posts while you were moving, glad you're back!!