Keeping Up Appearances

I scrunched my nose in displeasure as I took in the outfit she chose for herself. Black leggings, a slightly too big denim skirt, an old t-shirt from last year, and of course her white socks and tennis shoes. I sighed in frustration as our hectic morning got even crazier when she decided she needed to fix her own lunch, including a messy peanut butter sandwich that did not look the way I would have made it. What would people think? That her Mom didn't buy her decent clothes or fix her a perfect lunch? My morning frustration culminated with a glance in the rear view mirror to watch her pull her hair up in a pony tail that was messy and bumpy. She did stick a bow in it, most likely because I've tried to make her wear hair bows for years, and bless her heart, she tries to make me happy. But WHAT WOULD PEOPLE THINK????

Deep breath. Slap upside the face. Who cares what people think? Apparently I do. Do you?

 Friday night Josh took me to see "The Help". I read the book a couple of months ago and LOVED it. I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed the movie as well. I was really surprised at how the book affected me. First, it is set in Jackson, Ms. in the 1960's and my Daddy grew up in Jackson, Ms. in the 1960's. It really gave me a glimpse into what life was like during that time. Obviously the book gives a glimpse at the racial climate of the times. But what stood out the most to me was the idea of "keeping up appearances". I don't know that southern, white girls are the only ones who struggle with that particular issue (I'm pretty sure we're not), but I found myself heartbroken by how many people were hurt because of "keeping up appearances". I don't deny that there were and are people who are mean and hateful and just outright racist. I've seen it up close and personal. But, I've also seen that outnumbering those people who are just racist, there are many who just can't get over the idea of keeping up appearances. They may not personally have anything against a certain person or  race, but they just can't get past the fact that it is not socially acceptable in their group to socialize with certain people. Beyond the issue of race, the character in "The Help" that affected me the most was a little girl, Mae Mobley. From the first time I read about her, I pictured Kate. And as I read about her mother who was cold and distant and disappointed that her daughter wasn't everything she had hoped for in a little girl, I wanted desperately to reach into that book and hug Mae Mobley and tell her how special she is. It's okay, there was someone who did. Abileen, her maid and nanny went out of her way to fill in where her Mom fell short. And I found myself questioning, where do I fail my kids? And while I hope and pray that I'm a better Mom than Mae Mobley's, I know I am just as guilty of allowing my need to "keep up appearances" to affect my mothering. 

How many times have I spanked my kids, not because they did something that was truly deserving of a spanking, but because the looks on other adults faces led me to believe that was what I needed to do? How many times have I crushed my children's spirit by criticizing something they've done because it's not the way I would do it? How many times have I fussed in frustration about how they look or something they've done because of how it would make me look. Shame on me. 

We had an interesting conversation in Sunday School this weekend. Our lesson was talking about community and used FB as an example of ways that.people seek community. My teacher, who is not on FB, asked Josh and I about it and then he asked about my blog, as he had heard people talk about reading it. He actually asked "what is a blog?" I began to share how I started mine and we discussed the pros and cons of sharing our personal lives online. I immediately began to think that it is an incredibly bad idea for me to have a blog. Just what have I shared in these years of blogging?? Honestly, blogging has done more for me in terms of weeding out my "keeping up appearances" bondage than anything else in my life. The truth is, the more I've shared and the more God has worked in my heart, I've learned that I don't have anything to hide. I have plenty I'm not proud of, plenty I'd rather not discuss, plenty I'd like to redo, but none of it I feel the need to hide. Because I'm a child of God, I know where my value lies. I know that God deserves the glory, not me, and I know that many times He gets the glory when others see the dirty, messy, not so good parts of my life and how He works through them. I know that in order for my kids to learn independence and have a sense of self, I have to back off. I have to watch them go to school dressed in clothes that make me want to hide under the bed and I have to wait a little longer in the mornings for them to fix their own lunch. God knows that for me to grow into an authentic, sincere follower He has to watch me make some mistakes. He has to wait for me to try to do things on my own until I realize I can't and learn to depend on Him. 

Keeping up appearances is exhausting. Wearing the right clothes, saying the right things, having the house decorated a certain way, being in the right social circles, making children behave a certain way. Whatever it is that we do to keep up appearances, it is really a big waste of time if the only reason we are doing it is because of how it looks to others. No matter how things "look", God knows exactly why we do what we do. And it only matters if we're doing it for Him.

"And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,"       

Col. 3:23