Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Don't Be Afraid of the Boogeyman....or the water heater....

I've watched a crime show or 80 trillion in my day, and I consider myself very aware of danger. My Dad taught me well. He used to tell me to keep my head on a swivel coming out of the mall (he demonstrated that by turning in a complete circle while surveying the landscape) and to hold my keys in a way that I can stab someone with them. I also consider myself pretty brave. While in college, I once accompanied two of my roommates on a road trip an hour and a half away with a guy none of us had ever met. It was a blind date and two of us went along to.....well, I don't know, increase the body count???? I also worked as a social worker where I went into some pretty rough neighborhoods, at times at night all alone. I encountered outraged family members. It was part of the job. But something happened last Thursday night that struck fear in me like I've never known. I was up late waiting on school shirts to dry, because the kids are supposed to wear them on Friday, and why would they have put them in the laundry at the end of LAST WEEK, when they could stuff them under their beds and the couch in the playroom so that we would have to do a mad dash through the house throwing stuff and hollerin'? Exactly. So, that is why I was up at midnight when I heard something. Something that sounded like the front door knob turning to be exact.

Now, the first time, I did not let myself freak out. I assured myself I was just hearing things. The second time, I blamed it on the dryer. The third time I got that icky feeling in my tummy and debated calling 911. Because Josh had to be up at 1:30 to work with his Dad, I really did not want to wake him up. However, I did. BECAUSE IT SOUNDED LIKE SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO OPEN OUR DOOR AT MIDNIGHT!!!!! Josh put on some shorts, came out to the living room and immediately threw open the door. Just opened it. Like, hey, come on in! I asked if he needed a baseball bat, but he said he didn't. I do believe he was half asleep. In fact, he told me later he was going on exhausted adrenaline and I could tell as he tore through the house opening doors and looking out windows. We finally decided that if somebody was trying to break in we had long since scared them with the sight of us in our pj's. Shoot, the amount of unfolded laundry on the couch was scary enough. I can honestly say I was able to fall asleep and was only slightly freaked out the next day after I took the kids to school and came back to a quiet house. It was creepy quiet. I also did a little investigative work. I noticed some of our woodchips were now in a mess on the sidewalk. I also noticed a spot on the glass door that looked like someone had their face up to it. Someone taller than all the little people who usually press themselves against the door. Josh was quick to point out that he saw a neighborhood dog mess up our woodchips and that the smudge on the door was from the *inside*. Still, I'm pretty sure I was on to somethin'.......

The next night Josh came and told me he had discovered the source of the sound. He heard the same thing..  I was so relieved he heard it too. I felt justified in waking him up at midnight to run around the yard. At least I did until he told me what is was. The water heater. Oooh, spooky, huh? Being the preacher's wife that I am, I of course became the opening of his Sunday night sermon about why we should not fear.  One of the church members told me I should have called 911. I told him I was pretty sure they wouldn't appreciate being called out to check on my water heater. He is a former cop and said he knew someone who called the cops because of a mouse. Of course, I KNOW that sound and how to handle that situation. :) I am equally excited it was not a burglar or a mouse. I do however wonder, if the cops did come to check our front door how many sets of fingerprints they would find?????

Other scary events this week:

* When we went to the FSU game I decided to just use Eli's FSU backpack to tote all of our stuff. I transferred my purse into the side part. Last night I look up to see him holding a "girl product", waving it in the air screaming, "What is this?!?!?" I had visions of that happening in the first grade classroom and was equally mortified and thankful it happened in the privacy of our living room. 

* I have been asked to begin teaching theatre classes again. The same organization that ran the summer program got funding for the school year as well. I was asked about it a few weeks back and then never heard anymore. Well, today I had a meeting and was informed we will begin try-outs on the 11th of October and perform a Christmas show on the 8th of December. Get out a calendar and look at that. It'll scare you as bad as somebody breaking into your house!!!!!

* Did you know that you are not supposed to mix bleach and toilet bowl cleaner? Well, I learned the hard way yesterday. I mixed the two and toxic fumes emitted from my bathroom. You think I'm kidding? I literally had to run out of the bathroom choking and gagging. It finally occurred to me that I should probably flush the toilet. Later I googled it and found this article that informed me it causes a toxic gas that can cause DEATH. I've been on a roll, y'all. Please consider this your PSA of the week. I do have to say, my toilet has never looked so clean. Oh yeah, and thankfully I didn't die.

* I'm gonna wrap this up now because I've got to get to bed soon. I went and picked up my niece and nephew today and they are currently snug as a bug in a rug asleep in my house. My aunt tank is full. Luke was so excited to come play with Eli and "Eli's toys". :)  Lyla has been all smiles I won't lie though. I've got to get 5 kids up and ready to take to school (in the church van, it's the only thing we can fit in). I know I can do it. I know I can. But if somebody tried to break in my house tonight, I may ask them to stay and help me get kids loaded up. Just sayin'.......


Lori said...

I'm with Josh - if I hear something, I just have to head out there and face it. I'm not sure why?? I would definitely welcome an intruder with five kids. I might just let them stay:) Have fun with the house full!

Karen said...

LOLOLOL!!! I am totally with you on the creepy sounds - I hear stuff all the time - and if it's not a sound I'm used to it (however AJ would also get up and open the door, but he would probably have a gun in hand - so if you ever come to our house late at night - call first...)

Karen's #1 rule of ministry - don't use your family as a sermon illustration!!!!!! Tell Josh.

Yay! for theatre - last time sounded like a blast - I know it was stressful, but it will work out and everybody will have fun in the process. Praying for you! :)

Bleach & Toilet Bowl Cleaner ? I didn't know that either, but I, too am glad you didn't die. :) Will file the info for future reference (like when I am actually motivated to clean)