Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I've Got Some Ocean Front Property in Arizona...

For those of you who read my blog that have never actually met me in person, I can be easily identified by the big stamp on my forehead that says "SUCKER". Just so you know.

Today was the most beautiful and breezy fall day and we enjoyed it by opening all of the windows in the living room, having a picnic on the trampoline, and playing host to the most random cast of characters this side of Paulding, MS.

I had just cleaned up from our picnic and laid Kate down for her nap. Eli and Sarah had finished all of their school work and were enjoying the weather outside. I put in a movie to play while I folded laundry and was eagerly antcipating my few quiet moments of the day. I should know better. No sooner had I picked up the first towel a red Monte Carlo with 3 guys in it pulled up in our driveway. Not to be profilin' but they did not look like the normal crew we have hanging around our neighborhood. However, when they honked the horn I obliged by gracing them with my presence because I knew exactly why they were here. Josh's Monte Carlo attracts men in a way that I only once dreamed of being able to. :) There was a time when it was the only car we had and I will tell you I have never had so many guys glance my way as when I was driving that car. Not that a married woman notices such things....and not that they were noticing me anyway! Anyway, Josh has had several people just drive up and offer to buy the Monte even though it is not for sale. It is a testament to my undying love and devotion for Josh (and the fact that the he still grieves over his camaro from high school) that it is still sitting in our yard collecting pollen and attracting strange men to my house. Just as I thought, they wanted to know about the car. I did my best to pretend like I knew what I was talking about even though I still do not speak car language despite Josh's best efforts to teach me. I finally just told them what time Josh would be home and that they would have to talk to him. They drove off and I have to tell you, I so started to call Josh so he could hear the engine in that car. And then I wondered, "When did I start being impressed by how cars sound??" Speaking of how it sounds here are some pics from our last hurrah in the Monte before it blew a piston or got clogged or something I don't know. As you can see, it was pretty loud. :)

I headed back inside and talked to my sister on the phone. No sooner had I hung up and again attempted the folding than a white van comes down the street and slows down in front of my house. Y'all, we live in the country and we know when people's cars don't belong here. Just sayin'. The van was loaded with people and apparently as it cruised past my house the "SUCKER" sign was glowing. Soon, a girl came to my back door and informed me they were selling Kirby vacuum cleaners....Never fear! I already own a Kirby vacuum cleaner!! (Mental note: Remember the "SUCKER" sign?) Surely this will send them on their way promptly and I can watch my movie. I even have the thing in right behind me (because I'm so domestic like that) and she can see it! No worries, they want to tell me about an upgrade. And, they get scholarship money or something like that. To top it all off they will shampoo my carpets and wouldn't you know I had just been thinking that I really needed to shampoo my carpet? It was like God personally sent that white van down the street just for my carpet cleaning needs. :)
At that point aliens took over my body and I agreed to let them come clean my carpet. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's chances at a scholarship right? So 2 guys fly into my house set up a vacuum in warp speed time and one of the guys leaves saying he will be back. The kid left with me (and no, I do not know when I started referring to people in college as "kids" but I don't like it) started demonstrating all of the fabulous things the Kirby can do like detail cars, get fleas off the dog and blow up an air matress. Seriously! The thing is I was sitting there knowing that my Kirby could do all of those things too a.) if Icould find all of the attachments and b.) if I would get off my lazy tail and do them. So, if nothing else my excitement over my Kirby was reignited after all these years. Do you want to hear the story about how I got the vacuum? Okay.
It was about 5 years ago, I was still in school, Sarah was about 2 and I was pregnant with Eli. The salespeople came by and asked if they could come back and clean my carpet. I couldn't say no, but I did suggest to Josh that we not be home when they came back. Wrong, I know. Don't worry, I paid for it. Well, it was the end of the semester so we went to the school to sell back some of my books because it was almost Christmas and we were broke. Keep this in mind. We got home 2 HOURS after the time they were supposed to be there and they were still driving around our neighborhood!!!!! So, they came in, cleaned my carpet, showed me horrific filthiness that had come out of my carpet and said "Do you want your baby crawling around on that?" Of course, I was mortified. Honestly, when they told us the price I think I could have passed, but Josh was the one who caved. Here we had just sold back textbooks because we were so broke and now we were FINANCING a vacuum cleaner a week before Christmas. Oh don't worry, they took our old vacuum cleaner as a trade in. After like 4 years, that baby was paid in full! Merry Christmas to us!
Well, back to today and the little demonstration. The guy, who was super sweet, let me vacuum and shampoo my living room with his new, improved Kirby. Can I just tell you, I had already vacuumed the carpet and I was not really in the mood to be doing all of this during Kate's nap which is my semi-quiet time of the day. But I did it. Because I'm a-yep you guessed it-"SUCKER". The kids were of course all up in the middle of all of this. The kid was from the University of Alabama and I just happened to be wearing one of Josh's FSU shirts. Eli also whistled the FSU fight song the whole time I was vacuuming which I thought was pretty funny. After about 30 minutes we were done with the carpet, he had shown me how he could take a bazillion dollars off of the price and assured me the other kid could take even more off when he came back. So, we waited for him to come back. And waited. And waited. I felt myself forming a bond with the kid and that was bad. I become emotionally attached to people quickly and that is bad in a high stress sale situation. I did not want to decide I was responsible for the kid's college education as we are still paying for mine and have 3 kids to put through college. (I'm hoping Eli can get a whistling scholarship to FSU.)
An hour later, we were still waiting. The kid asked to see Daisy so we let her out and he bonded with her. She is such a guard dog. We had a strange man in our house and she jumped in his lap to have her belly rubbed. Good job Daisy. ;) Not too long after that the kids were going in and out and Daisy escaped. So, I was once again on a wild goose chase through the neighborhood while I had left my sleeping child in the house with a strange man and my other two kids were waiting in the yard. Fabulous. We made it back and the kid was still sitting on my loveseat playing games on his cell phone.
Two and a half hours later Josh came home. I cannot tell you how much I had prayed that he would be home soon. But then it hit me. I had really expected the kid and all of his stuff to be gone. I was planning to laugh with Josh about the Kirby people and getting the carpet cleaned. But no, I was sitting in the living room with the kid and with huge Kirby boxes blocking Josh's entrance to the room. Oh, if only I had grabbed the camera to get a picture of his face. I knew I would never hear the end of it. Truly I am the ONLY person who would let the Kirby people in twice!!!!
When all was said and done we found out that the other people who were supposed to come get the kid had a flat tire and he ended up spending 3 hours in my house. Three hours!! Then, we had to say no. And I felt bad. And the kid took like 850 hours to pack up his stuff because I know that he knew if he just waited a little longer I would break down. But, I didn't. Because 5 years later I have learned, if I am going to finance a has to have room for 2 car seats and 3 kids. :)


Lori said...

Oh, Emily, you are sweeter than me! There is no way I would give up Jack's naptime to a stranger with a vaccuum (and I NEED a vaccuum cleaner:). Although, I can understand letting a Bama guy in the house - ha!

Three hours - I would have been going NUTS. What a day!!

Very funny though! I hope your carpet looks phenomenal!!

Karen said...

hahahahahahaha!!!! :D
Yep. you are soooo much nicer than us. The Kriby people came to our house the other day - my Dad stopped them before they made it to the porch!