I didn't expect to have such mixed emotions. I really had my heart set on this job and while I never felt completely confident I would get it, I also hadn't even allowed myself to think beyond it. So, I expected to just be devastated. I was a little bit. Thankfully I was on a field trip with Kate when I got the news so I had to put on my big girl panties and suck it up. But then, something else happened. I almost felt relieved. I won't lie, after being given a very detailed 3 page job description I had come away from the interview feeling a little overwhelmed. It wasn't just going to be a job. It was going to be WORK. And of course that was a reminder that, HELLO, I'm going back to work!
I've tried really hard to keep my emotions in check with this whole process. Giving up a job I love. Getting ready to send my baby to kindergarten. Trying to start a career. And that's the thing, I really am starting a career. I only worked for 2 years after I graduated. I think it has just fully hit me how much time I've devoted to being a Mom. And I don't regret it. I wouldn't trade a minute that I've had with my kids or the other opportunities I've enjoyed because I wasn't working full-time. I've just felt....behind. I don't doubt that the job I applied for went to someone with more experience. And that's the hard thing, experience takes time. My time has been invested in gaining experience in Toddler Tantrums, Expert Stain Removal, How to Put Tights on a 3 year old, Waste Management, Hospitality, Pest Control, Food Services, and Transportation. Hey, I've got some things to add to my resume. :)
What I'm dealing with tonight is that the journey of my life has had me all over the place. I mean really, how exactly do you go from hospice social worker to dance and theater teacher? I'm pretty sure my resume makes people scratch their heads and they will probably just want to interview me to see if I am for real.
Our spring theater production is "Mother Goosed" by Jason Pizzarello. It's the story of a rogue news anchor who gets tired of the fairy tales always being the same. He goes out into the field to wreak havoc and change things up. My favorite part is when he convinces Humpty Dumpty not to jump off the wall. It causes some problems for all the king's men though.
BILL: Tensions are increasing between the King's Men and Humpty Dumpty, as Dumpty defiantly sits upon the wall and the Men continue taunting him.
HUMPTY: No, I'm not doing it. I refuse. Consider this a sit-in.
SOLDIER #3: Well, that's great.
SOLDIER #2: What are we going to do, boss?
SOLDIER #1: Do we still get paid?
BOSS: We don't have a job to do, no one gets paid.
SOLDIER #1: Hey Egg, I've got mouths to feed!
SOLDIER #2: We'll figure out a way to put you back together again, we swear.
HUMPTY: Yeah right!
ALL SOLDIERS: Jump! Jump! Jump!
HUMPTY: Jump? Jump? You mean plummet to my untimely death, is that what you mean? Crack my head open and let my insides spill out?
SOLDIER #1: Well, yeah.
BOSS: Know your role!
SOLDIER #2: Yeah, know your role, egg!
SOLDIER #3: "Humpty Dumpty had a great fall." That's who you are. If you don't fall, who are you? What's your place in the world?
HUMPTY: I don't know, okay? I don't know who I am or where I belong. That's the whole problem; I'm having an identity crisis up here. Who are you to judge anyway? You're one of the King's men. You probably don't even have a name.
|Photo Courtesy of Google Images|
It probably tells you something about my mental status that I am currently relating most to a fictional character in a play. An egg, to be exact. But that's where I've been. Trying to figure out my place in this world. To know my role. I just can't figure out how old I will be before I decide what I'm supposed to be when I grow up. I did come across a quote today that reminded me that no matter how many jobs I have in life, my ultimate purpose is to glorify the God who put me in this world. To share His love and message of salvation. My number one role.
“God’s purpose for my life was that I have a passion for God’s glory and that I have a passion for my joy in that glory, and that these two are one passion.”
― Jonathan Edwards
― Jonathan Edwards