re·group verb \(ˌ)rē-ˈgrüp\
1. :to reorganize (as after a setback) for renewed activity.
In Sarah's homework tonight she had to do some "regrouping". Do y'all know what I'm talking about? Moving the bigger number to the top to subtract the smaller number? Yes, I know, my mathematical expertise is phenomenal. :) Well, it just struck a chord with me about something I was already thinking about and I thought I would share.
We all know the most difficult part of moving, right? Yes. Finding a new hairstylist. Ladies, I know you know what I'm talking about. You can't trust your hair with just anyone. It's a pretty big deal. Well, I have found a lady here who I adore and totally trust with my hair. She is the next door over from the dance studio and is sweet enough to let me stick my head in and holler, "Can I come after dance?" And she always says yes. All of that was a very long, unecessarily detailed way to tell you about this conversation that came up at the beauty shop today. (Does anybody still call it the beauty shop?) We were talking about someone being young and unmarried and needing to follow their dreams and work on their career now. I shared that I myelf was married with two kids (ages 3 and an infant to be exact) when I got my college degree. My hair stylist asked me if I ever speak to young girls and at first I was confused. What did she mean? Like to discourage them from getting married and having babies? Then I realized she meant speaking to groups to encourage them that they could still accomplish their goals. Because I think too much, that got me to thinking the whole time she was taming my mane.
I started thinking about what I would say to a group of young girls if I had the chance. And the truth is that I don't feel like I could honestly ever stand in front of a group and say "You should go to school full-time while you have 2 babies and a husband and tons of other responsibilities." But I also know I could NEVER say, "Once you get married you'll never go back to school" which is something I heard quite a bit. I think what I would share with them is some of the things I've learned. The first thing being, God's plans are not our plans.
I've often shared that I am not a very good planner and I really feel like that goes back to my early college days. I had tried so hard to be the responsible, work hard, make good grades, have my life figured out at 18 girl. I came up with a plan and prayed God would bless it. God had other plans. I was not like so many other girls I met at college who were desperate to be married. You know the ones I'm talking about? They had their weddings planned and their children named and all they needed was a husband. Of course, I wanted to be married someday. I just honestlly never expected it to happen as early in life as it did. I had planned to find a college sweetheart that I would bring home to meet the family and we would marry the week after college graduation. I had no clue I would leave behind a high school sweetheart and spend the first year and a half of college totally lovesick without him. I wasn't one of those girls. But I was. Josh proposed to me in September of my sophomore year of college. We married that June. Just months before our wedding I was accepted into the very challenging Communication Disorders program at FSU in Tallahassee. Anyway, Josh immediately started looking for a job in Tallahassee. He found one and we moved into our shoebox apartment. I started school and he worked 12-18 hour days delivering bread. We didn't have a honeymoon. Our first year together was spent apart more than together due to his work schedule and my school schedule. We did see each other enough to find out 5 months after our wedding that we would be welcoming a new family member in July of the next year! The thing about that news was that we had just had THE TALK. You know, the one where we discussed how I would finish my masters and he would go back to school and we would do this and do that and THEN like 15 years later, we would be ready for kids. :) THE PLAN. I just always smile when new brides to be tell me their "plan".
Josh was 20 and I was 21. To say we were young and clueless would be the understatement of the year. I often wondered if the nurses were scared to let us take Sarah home from the hospital. We were scared. Most people our ages were partying and sleeping til noon. They were "finding themselves". I had decided to take the year off of school. It was actually one of my male professors who talked with me and encouraged me to do that. He told me that I would have plenty of time for school, but that I would never get that first year of my baby's life back. Quite possibly the wisest words ever spoken to me. It was during that year that my Papaw was put on Hospice and I made the decision to go into social work. My 3rd major, for anyone keeping count. :) That first year of Sarah's was the most difficult I had experienced (at that point in life), but I know that I am who I am because of it. I learned that life doesn't revolve around me, and personally I think that is one of life's lessons that is better learned sooner than later. I learned that it is possible to love other people more than yourself. I learned that when you vow for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and for richer or poorer, you better mean the worse, sick and poor part!
I did go back to school after Sarah turned one. I finished my AA and went on to get my bachelor's in social work. I also had Eli during that time. It was a sleep deprived, live on caffeine, eat out a lot time of life but we made it. And come to think of it, most of that hasn't changed. :) But like I said earlier, I could never say that is God's plan for everyone. I had tremendous family support and a husband who worked his hiney off so that I didn't also have to work another job while going to school and raising babies. We also took out student loans that we will be paying back from our nursing home beds.
It was so hard. I'm not going to lie. And at the same time, I don't know that it would have been any different getting married at this age now. We might not have the same struggles, but I am sure we would have struggles. Because life is hard and doesn't always go according to the plan. That's why we have to regroup. If I had a visual of the paths Josh and I had drawn in our hearts for our lives and the actual paths God has led us down it would look like a hot mess of zig zags and criss crosses. We've often met ourselves coming and going. We've run from God's plan. We've run toward His plan. We've whined about the plan. We've sat and cried not knowing His plan. But the good news is, we learned very early on that we are called to seek HIS plan rather than our own.
There was a time when I felt very defined by the fact that I got married before I finished college and had babies so young. I felt like people looked down on that or were disappointed in me. It took many years for a conversation my best friend and I had in our college dorm room to sink in. She told me, "The people who matter will love you no matter what you do, and the people who don't, don't matter." (Okay, I may have not quoted that perfectly, but it has been about 11 years since I had conversations in dorm rooms :) Again, very wise words. As I sat in the chair at the beauty shop today I announced that I wouldn't change a single thing, and I meant it with every fiber in my being.
Several weeks ago I sat in my dr's office and she told me, "It is a good thing you had your babies young." She went on to tell me that if I had waited until now to start a family, I most likely wouldn't be able to. I hadn't planned to share that on here, but after my conversation today, I really felt like I should. Because maybe you are reading this and thinking that you have messed up God's plan for you. Or you don't know His plan. Or you are frustrated with His plan for you. And there have been times I have felt all of those things. But the day she spoke those words to me I knew that God had been in charge of the plan all along. He had laughed as he listened to two young, crazy in love kids plan out their life with things they thought were important. And He overruled their plan and gave them what was really important. We had to regroup. Prioritize. Put the bigs things on top. "For renewed activity". I love that part of the definition. Whatever setback or change of plans you might be experiencing, when God calls you to regroup, it will be because of a greater plan He has set in motion. It may not be easy, fun, or something to brag about. But it will bring you closer to Him. Because He is the biggest thing.
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21
1. :to reorganize (as after a setback) for renewed activity.
In Sarah's homework tonight she had to do some "regrouping". Do y'all know what I'm talking about? Moving the bigger number to the top to subtract the smaller number? Yes, I know, my mathematical expertise is phenomenal. :) Well, it just struck a chord with me about something I was already thinking about and I thought I would share.
We all know the most difficult part of moving, right? Yes. Finding a new hairstylist. Ladies, I know you know what I'm talking about. You can't trust your hair with just anyone. It's a pretty big deal. Well, I have found a lady here who I adore and totally trust with my hair. She is the next door over from the dance studio and is sweet enough to let me stick my head in and holler, "Can I come after dance?" And she always says yes. All of that was a very long, unecessarily detailed way to tell you about this conversation that came up at the beauty shop today. (Does anybody still call it the beauty shop?) We were talking about someone being young and unmarried and needing to follow their dreams and work on their career now. I shared that I myelf was married with two kids (ages 3 and an infant to be exact) when I got my college degree. My hair stylist asked me if I ever speak to young girls and at first I was confused. What did she mean? Like to discourage them from getting married and having babies? Then I realized she meant speaking to groups to encourage them that they could still accomplish their goals. Because I think too much, that got me to thinking the whole time she was taming my mane.
I started thinking about what I would say to a group of young girls if I had the chance. And the truth is that I don't feel like I could honestly ever stand in front of a group and say "You should go to school full-time while you have 2 babies and a husband and tons of other responsibilities." But I also know I could NEVER say, "Once you get married you'll never go back to school" which is something I heard quite a bit. I think what I would share with them is some of the things I've learned. The first thing being, God's plans are not our plans.
I've often shared that I am not a very good planner and I really feel like that goes back to my early college days. I had tried so hard to be the responsible, work hard, make good grades, have my life figured out at 18 girl. I came up with a plan and prayed God would bless it. God had other plans. I was not like so many other girls I met at college who were desperate to be married. You know the ones I'm talking about? They had their weddings planned and their children named and all they needed was a husband. Of course, I wanted to be married someday. I just honestlly never expected it to happen as early in life as it did. I had planned to find a college sweetheart that I would bring home to meet the family and we would marry the week after college graduation. I had no clue I would leave behind a high school sweetheart and spend the first year and a half of college totally lovesick without him. I wasn't one of those girls. But I was. Josh proposed to me in September of my sophomore year of college. We married that June. Just months before our wedding I was accepted into the very challenging Communication Disorders program at FSU in Tallahassee. Anyway, Josh immediately started looking for a job in Tallahassee. He found one and we moved into our shoebox apartment. I started school and he worked 12-18 hour days delivering bread. We didn't have a honeymoon. Our first year together was spent apart more than together due to his work schedule and my school schedule. We did see each other enough to find out 5 months after our wedding that we would be welcoming a new family member in July of the next year! The thing about that news was that we had just had THE TALK. You know, the one where we discussed how I would finish my masters and he would go back to school and we would do this and do that and THEN like 15 years later, we would be ready for kids. :) THE PLAN. I just always smile when new brides to be tell me their "plan".
Josh was 20 and I was 21. To say we were young and clueless would be the understatement of the year. I often wondered if the nurses were scared to let us take Sarah home from the hospital. We were scared. Most people our ages were partying and sleeping til noon. They were "finding themselves". I had decided to take the year off of school. It was actually one of my male professors who talked with me and encouraged me to do that. He told me that I would have plenty of time for school, but that I would never get that first year of my baby's life back. Quite possibly the wisest words ever spoken to me. It was during that year that my Papaw was put on Hospice and I made the decision to go into social work. My 3rd major, for anyone keeping count. :) That first year of Sarah's was the most difficult I had experienced (at that point in life), but I know that I am who I am because of it. I learned that life doesn't revolve around me, and personally I think that is one of life's lessons that is better learned sooner than later. I learned that it is possible to love other people more than yourself. I learned that when you vow for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and for richer or poorer, you better mean the worse, sick and poor part!
I did go back to school after Sarah turned one. I finished my AA and went on to get my bachelor's in social work. I also had Eli during that time. It was a sleep deprived, live on caffeine, eat out a lot time of life but we made it. And come to think of it, most of that hasn't changed. :) But like I said earlier, I could never say that is God's plan for everyone. I had tremendous family support and a husband who worked his hiney off so that I didn't also have to work another job while going to school and raising babies. We also took out student loans that we will be paying back from our nursing home beds.
It was so hard. I'm not going to lie. And at the same time, I don't know that it would have been any different getting married at this age now. We might not have the same struggles, but I am sure we would have struggles. Because life is hard and doesn't always go according to the plan. That's why we have to regroup. If I had a visual of the paths Josh and I had drawn in our hearts for our lives and the actual paths God has led us down it would look like a hot mess of zig zags and criss crosses. We've often met ourselves coming and going. We've run from God's plan. We've run toward His plan. We've whined about the plan. We've sat and cried not knowing His plan. But the good news is, we learned very early on that we are called to seek HIS plan rather than our own.
There was a time when I felt very defined by the fact that I got married before I finished college and had babies so young. I felt like people looked down on that or were disappointed in me. It took many years for a conversation my best friend and I had in our college dorm room to sink in. She told me, "The people who matter will love you no matter what you do, and the people who don't, don't matter." (Okay, I may have not quoted that perfectly, but it has been about 11 years since I had conversations in dorm rooms :) Again, very wise words. As I sat in the chair at the beauty shop today I announced that I wouldn't change a single thing, and I meant it with every fiber in my being.
Several weeks ago I sat in my dr's office and she told me, "It is a good thing you had your babies young." She went on to tell me that if I had waited until now to start a family, I most likely wouldn't be able to. I hadn't planned to share that on here, but after my conversation today, I really felt like I should. Because maybe you are reading this and thinking that you have messed up God's plan for you. Or you don't know His plan. Or you are frustrated with His plan for you. And there have been times I have felt all of those things. But the day she spoke those words to me I knew that God had been in charge of the plan all along. He had laughed as he listened to two young, crazy in love kids plan out their life with things they thought were important. And He overruled their plan and gave them what was really important. We had to regroup. Prioritize. Put the bigs things on top. "For renewed activity". I love that part of the definition. Whatever setback or change of plans you might be experiencing, when God calls you to regroup, it will be because of a greater plan He has set in motion. It may not be easy, fun, or something to brag about. But it will bring you closer to Him. Because He is the biggest thing.
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21
5 comments:
I just loved this!! I don't know what else to say except I'm so thankful you followed God's plan and not your own b/c He created you to be a Mom!!:)
On another note, I had decided not to drink a latte tonight and "get into bed at a decent hour" and then I read your blog about no sleep and all that and figured "who am I kidding?" so I'm off to make a latte now:)
Awe Emily- We have discussed this very topic MANY times. I get aggravated all the time at myself because by now I thought I would have kids. I also thought I would have my Masters degree and a 4 bedroom house. It is truly amazing God put Matt and I in Montrose, MS in a 2 bedroom house 45 minutes from family. More than likely we'd never met. We didn't know anyone from here at the time and I felt so silly moving to the boondocks of Montrose. I know that God is still working in our lives and has greater plans than I have for myself. :)
Thanks for this post, Em. I need to be reminded of this - daily. (you might need to repost this in a few weeks - I'm sure I will need to read it again.) On another note, the adventure God has led you and Josh on is a testament to us all about his leading, grace and what he can do with lives totally commited to him. It also serves as a reminder to me that God loves to give us good gifts. Thanks for being obedient. Love you!
Hey! Found you through Melody.
How true! We make all these plans, but you are so right, it's his purpose that prevails.
I also found you through Melody's "Wedgie" blog. Girl, you and I have a lot in common...PW, married young, babies @ 21, plans derailed, back-to-college while juggling a family....I think I'll start hanging around here more often! :)
Oh--and you couldn't have said it any better: God's plans sometimes seem wacky, but are always best!
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