Thursday, September 24, 2009

This Is Your Preacher's Wife on Drugs...

I am tough y'all. Well, at least I USED to be tough. I grew up dancing and dancers are tough. You work through the pain. I once danced a recital with a pulled hamstring. It was ugly dancing, but I did it. I also went through an entire football season of 3 hour dance rehearsals in Florida's summer heat with asthma. (Turns out it was exercise induced and it cleared right up when I graduated and quit exercising. :) I danced en pointe until my toes bled. Then, one fateful weekend, it all changed...

I had to have all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled. And they gave me drugs. Legal, of course, but good stuff nonetheless. I had never been the type to even take Tylenol for headaches. Remember? I was tough. But it all changed with the pulling of those teeth. It was my first summer at home after a year of college and I got to spend a day in the bed watching "Fame" and slurping down Frosty's from Wendy's. Ah, those were the days. I also got to take my medicine. Let me tell you, since I was a little kid I have struggled falling asleep. Now, once I am asleep I could sleep for 18 hours straight no problem. But, I just always have a hard time getting to sleep. Well, I took that medicine and it KNOCKED ME OUT! Josh came over to visit me and I decided to leave the bedroom and grace everyone with my presence. So much for that. He had been there maybe 5 minutes and I FELL ASLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE!!

Well, medicine has continued to have that effect on me. When I had Sarah they gave me my epidural and they had to WAKE ME UP to deliver her. I am not kidding. Same with Eli. When I went into premature labor with Kate they gave me some Demoral and I fell asleep while the nurse was still putting it in the IV!! The only time this did not work was when I had Kate and my epidural did NOT work and I will spare you that story. I will tell you that experience gave Josh a whole new appreciation for childbirth as I had given him the impression it was easy work after having Sarah and Eli.

Why do I share my drug history here with you tonight? I don't know. Honestly, I'm on them right now and ask that you please not hold me responsible for anything said in this post. The truth is, last night was a first in my drug using history. I shared a few posts back that I have had problems with cysts on my ovary and that I was pretty sure one had burst about a month ago. Well, it had and now I learn that it caused an infection in the lining of my stomach. Fun stuff. So, I had taken some TylenolPM and, like all other drugs, that stuff usually knocks me out good. But for some reason it did not have that effect. I don't know what happened y'all!

First, I started trying to have deep conversations with Josh who was playing Texas Hold 'Em on MySpace. I was saying brilliant things like "I just want, you know, like, you know what I mean?" Yes, one of those conversations. Then, I went to brush my teeth and totally hurt myself! My toothbrush slipped and went up on my gums and made them start bleeding like crazy. For some reason that was funny to me. Josh walked in the bathroom to get something and I remembered that I was going to wet a rag for his eye. (Did I mention he had pink eye?) I gave it to him and he put it on his eye and I thought what a great photo opportunity that would be, his messed up eye and my bleeding mouth. When we got to the bedroom I realized I had attempted to change the sheets earlier, but had only managed to take the old sheet off not put the new one on. I'm assuming that is what Josh had gone into the bathroom closet looking for, but he forgot when I handed him the washcloth. Seriously, will somebody please sign up now to take care of us in our old age?? Anyway, I got the new sheet and started attempting to put it on. This is when the crazy drug effects came in. (At least I am hoping it was the drugs.) I started fanning the sheet in the air and it made me laugh HYSTERICALLY!!! I mean doubled over, crying tears kind of laughter. I just kept waving the sheet and laughing and Josh was not amused. I was pretty sure he was rolling his pink eye behind the wet rag, but the sight of him standing there trying to grab the sheet with one hand while holding the rag to his eye with the other cracked me up even more. I so wanted to go wake Kate up because she is somebody in this house who would appreciate how funny it is when sheets get waved in the air. She thinks it is HILARIOUS! Well, you know a mama is on drugs when she is even considering waking a sleeping baby. So...we eventually got the sheet on the bed and I calmed down enough to go to sleep.

The moral of this story: Just say NO to drugs. :)