Whatnot Wednesday

* My week so far can be described in one word: LAZY. I seriously feel like I have been hit by a mac truck for some reason. Feel free to insert "You're not as young as you used to be" to remind me why the rush of activity over the last several months has left me feeling a little drained.

* Ever since the royal wedding I find myself thinking in a British accent. Has that happened to anybody else?

* Yesterday Eli told me it took two years and two months to build the "Awful Tower". :)  He also told me about the restaurants inside of it. For some reason I didn't remember there were restaurants in the Eiffel Tower. I was sharing that with Josh and he said, "Yeah, don't you remember...."  I just knew he was going to say, "Don't you remember from history class?" But no, he said, "Don't you remember from Rush Hour 3?"  Yep, it's official. We are some very cultured people around here.......

* So, we have a problem with the neighborhood children getting on the roof of the church. Has anybody else had this problem? I didn't think so......

* Kate told me to put both hands on the wheel yesterday when I was changing the radio station. I don't know how I survived before I had a 3 year old to keep me in line.

*Every vase in my house is filled with fresh flowers and that makes me feel happy! :)

* Oh my goodness. Last night while Josh and I were sitting at the dining room table we heard a loud thud. We looked at each other and came to the same conclusion. We assumed a kid had thrown something at the window. I got up to investigate and it was a bird!! It had flown right into the window!!! I felt so bad. He died. :(  I try to keep my windows as dirty as possible to avoid situations like this, but it just didn't help this time. I was worried Daisy was going to mess with it, but as I watched she just kept pushing on the bird's chest with her nose. It totally looked like she was trying to give it CPR. Such a distressing night. Glasses falling apart, birds flying into the window. I'm starting to feel like I'm in an Alford Hitchcock movie.

* Tomorrow my precious niece, Lyla, will be 1!! I can't believe it! It seems like just yesterday I was thanking God for tow trucks and little girls..... :)

* My bestie, Karen, is coming to visit for the weekend and I am soooo excited!!!! I anticipate some really late night conversations and a much needed outing to a Mexican restaurant. Woo-hoo!!

I am so proud I am actually linking up this week while there is still some time left in Wednesday!! You should, too!!! Hop on over to Everyday The Wonderful Happens and link up!

P.S.  All of the comments from my last Whatnot Wednesday have vanishesd. I have no idea what happened. I promise I did not delete them on purpose. I'm telling you, strange things are happening here.....

Life's A Dance....

Well, it is a Sunday night and the conclusion of a whirlwind weekend. And I mean, for real, a whirlwind. My sister came in on Friday afternoon with her 2 babies and later that night my Mamaw and Aunt got to PC to stay with my Mom. They all came to my house for lasagne and cupcakes to celebrate 2 May birthdays (Eli and my niece, Lyla) and my Aunt's graduation from college. Lyla really enjoyed her cupcake. :)

Saturday was "THE DAY"! Dance recital day. I've felt so silly that it has been such a big deal around here, because I know there are much more important, serious things going on in the world. But for us, it was a big deal! I've been so busy the last few weeks that I just don't think I've had time to be nervous. Saturday morning was no different. Preparing breakfast, throwing a load of laundry in the washer, keeping up with 5 kids. :)  Then, about 11:00 it hit. The nerves. Oh.my.goodness. It has been a LONG time since I've felt that particular kind of nerves. I was a bundle of nervous energy. I stopped midday to take my vitamins and I was drinking some water THE BOTTOM OF THE GLASS FELL OUT. Y'all, I can't even explain it. I've never seen anything like it. The entire bottom just totally fell out. I'm not superstitious, but I found myself hoping it was a sign. A good sign. Like bad rehearsal, good show. Bottom of glass falling out, I won't fall on stage? I don't know. It was crazy, and something that would only happen to me. :)

I was glad when it was time to get busy doing hair and make-up so I had something to do. I love doing stage make-up. It's like you get to be 4 again and just put on make-up until you look like a clown. I have recently discovered fake eyelashes and I heart them. They took some getting used to, but once they're on, they stay and you don't have to worry about mascara running. Which would have been the case 9 hours later after two back to back recitals. Before we left we attempted some pics and we got one of me and Jenny with all of our kids. It was a miracle. I love how Lyla is looking at me like, did they hire a clown for my birthday???? :)

The recitals went so well! I just couldn't be happier or prouder of my girls. For Kate's dance I went to the front of the stage because we didn't want them looking to the side to watch me the whole time. It didn't matter. Not one of those girls even noticed I was there. They did soooo good! ALL of my tiny tots went on stage! Woo-hoo! That was my goal. Everything else was icing on the cake. :) By the time mine and Sarah's dance came, my legs were literally shaking, y'all. I was seriously hoping they would hold me up. They did. I don't know what the dance looked like, but I survived.

Josh ran between shows to grab us some sandwiches from Subway. It brought back so many memories as we sat on the stage and ate. I promise it was just yesterday that I was rehearsing for my senior recital and he was bringing me fast food. The second show went super smooth even though we had fewer dances and Sarah had some super quick changes. That girl amazed me!

I just felt so loved. By the girls, by the teachers I work with, by my boss. They were all so sweet and I felt like they were giving my soul hugs with the words of affirmation they spoke. I felt loved by my family. My aunt, cousin and Mamaw made an 8 hour trip to be there (my Mamaw NEVER missed one of my recitals for 16 years), my sister made a 3 hour trip with 2 little ones and my SIL and T were there, too, giving up time on Leah's last Saturday in the states. My Mama was there just like she was for all 16 of my recitals. She gave me the sweetest card and told me that she knew how proud my Daddy would be. This was my first recital without him and I won't lie, it made it a little bittersweet. But my Daddy knew better than anyone how much I love dance and I don't doubt that he would be over the moon excited for me.I know this weekend was good for my Mom too, to see that all of that time and money she sacrificed over the years paid off!! Josh especially made me feel loved. He played such a big part in the recital. He edited all the music for us, created an awesome slide show and did an awesome job running sound. He gave me flowers. And most importantly, I think he was as excited as me.

I didn't think that anybody else realized what this weekend meant to me, but after Saturday I believe that those closest to me really got it. For me, this recital was so much more than a show. It was a dream come true to dance with my daughter. It was an amazing offering of grace and love from a Heavenly Father who brought something I love back into my life at a time when my heart needed something to keep it going. It is a testament to my God and the work He has done in my life. 11 years ago, I hung up my dancing shoes. I had gained quite a bit of weight and felt like I didn't know my body anymore. Then, I started having babies. Surely, my body would never be able to dance again. In the midst of body changes, major life changes and a serious depression, I lost a part of me. I started dancing when I was 2 and I didn't know what life looked like without it. When I went through my depression the last thing I wanted to do was dance.  Then, God healed my depression, but I have still struggled with health issues. In the last several years I have finally been able to lose the weight and begin to feel relief from some of my health issues. But more than the body issues, there has been healing in my heart. There has been joy restored. Life has dealt some tough blows the last few years, but in the midst of it, I've been given the opportunity to do something I love and to remember just how much a part of me it is. My Mom and Josh have both noticed the happiness it has brought me. T (that's Josh's Mom) :), told me as soon as the show was over that she cried the whole time Sarah and I were dancing because she remembers how depressed I was after Sarah was born, and to see how God has worked and how He has used that precious little girl in my life. We danced to Uncle Kracker's "Smile" and that song just totally applies to how I feel about that child. I am so undeserving of the gifts and blessings I've been given, but I'm just going to be thankful for them right now!

I was sharing with someone that 11 years ago, I wanted to be the star. I wanted to be onstage and be praised and admired. That was my dream. It wasn't meant to be. I am so grateful that God refined that dream and now allows me to share what I love with little girls and be a part of their lives. I had no idea that dance would ever be a part of God's plan for my life again. I've learned that whatever He does, He does it all for His Glory. I pray that my story brings glory to Him and the power He has in our lives. We are never alone. We are never forgotten. Sometimes our dreams and desires have to wait while He works in us, but He knows our hearts and He has a plan. And that plan is better than all of the flowers or standing ovations in the world!

Whatnot Wednesday: I'm So Helpful

* I just have to begin this by saying that today is my last CARAZY Wednesday night! Woo-hoo!

* I have recently discovered a new cleaning product that I am infatuated with . Mr. Clean with Febreze. LOVE IT! It actually works as well as bleach (I'm a bleach girl), but it smells SOOOOO GOOD! Yes, I just said I'm infatuated with a cleaning product. I think it is safe to assume I need a date night or a girl's night or something of that nature.

* Josh let the kids pick out my Mother's Day gifts this year and they did very well. Kate got me a Woodwick candle (love those, too!) and Eli got me some pistacchios. He didn't even read my blog last week as I rambled on about my affection for nuts. (Really, y'all may see me on one of those reality shows one day discussing my unhealthy relationships with nuts and cleaning products.) Sarah got me a really cute luggage label with my initial on it. She also proceeded to tell me all of the things she wanted to get me, but were out of her price range. Josh must have felt like he was shopping with me. She is my daughter. Mamaw used to always tell me I had champagne taste on a beer budget. Or since I don't drink, I guess I have pistacchio taste on a peanut budget. :)

* Today one of my 3 year olds at dance told me several times, "My daddy needs to cut that gardenia down." I tell ya, those babies will tell on you. :)

* As I am writing this my child, who is supposed to be sleeping, just told me, "I just feel like I'm still 5 because I'm just still the same size." I wish I could say "I feel like I'm 17 because I'm still the same size", but oh well. Speaking of that, one of my dance girls told me at dress rehearsal Sat. that I looked like a teenager in my costume and make-up. I decided I would take that compliment (even though we all know it's not true) because that particular child is not one for flattery. She has been the first one on days when I've gone to dance sick or without make-up to say, "You look rough!"

* Speaking of dress rehearsal I think it went really well. There were only 2 incidents. First, the only music mishap was of course on mine and Sarah's dance. Josh is doing sound and has all the songs on the laptop. He accidentally used the one that wasn't cut so it was a much longer version than what is choreographed. Second, as I was backstage changing someone came to me and said, "Your child is naked in the hallway." Say what? Of course! Of course my child is naked in the bathroom. Turns out she had to go to the bathroom right before our dance and Josh had to run sound and video the dance. So, he put Eli in charge. Around here, once you're 3, your on your own. By 6, we expect you to be responsible for others. :) Anyway, I went to the hallway to find Kate in the doorway of the bathroom with her tights and costume around her ankles. Her hat was in the stall. My Mother of the Year Award? Out the door.....

* In other, as I am writing this breaking news. Eli is having a total crisis. He asked me for a band-aid for his toe and it turns out I gave him a breathe right strip. Oops. I got him a new band-aid, but when he pulled the paper off some of it stuck so that caused more drama. I thought it might be Christmas before he ever got it on his toe, but Josh assessed the situation and told him it's in a spot you can't put a band-aid. More emotional breakdown occurred. Is it time for bed yet?

* Well, before I do head to bed, I have to tell you what I did while I was trying to help. Josh was sending out some letters to parents about a new ministry we are starting, and I decided I would be helpful and fold letters and put them in envelopes. Josh had left the mailing labels in his office so I went to get them. His check was sitting on his desk so I decided to be extra helpful and bring it home. We folded and stuffed and addressed all the letters.  Josh took them up to the school for teachers to hand out. A few hours later I said something about his check and he said that he hadn't seen it. PANIC. We tore through the house. Through the yard. Through the church. Everywhere. Could not find it. It hit me. What if we put Josh's check in one of those envelopes and sent it to school???? By the time of this realization it was too late to get ahold of anybody at the school. This morning Josh had to ask all the teachers to check all the envelopes and had his secretary stop payment on the check. Sure enough as I was leaving church tonight one of the ladies handed me Josh's check. It was stuck in a door, caught on a cobweb. Who knew cobwebs could be helpful?

*OH MY GOSH! I ran over a snake on Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It didn't die. I did a 55 point turn in the road trying to kill it, but it got away.

* Okay, enough of my rambling. I'm getting ready for a house full of company this weekend, the beginning of a new ministry at church and the dance recital. I'm excited! And surprised that people let me help with anything. :)   What's going on in your world?  Link up here and tell us!

It Makes Me a Mama

I used to think the hardest part of being a Mom would be labor and delivery. Now, don't get me wrong, that part was definitely not easy, but I was given drugs and lots of support during that time. I had people from every direction telling me what to do. And the 1 time the drugs didn't work, I was able to scream and holler and give ugly looks and not feel one ounce of guilt about it. And of course, the end result was always worth it.

Almost 9 years and 3 kids later I've experienced many moments in motherhood that have left me asking, "Can I get some more drugs now???? Where are all of those people to tell me what to do? Why aren't people bringing me hot fudge cake sundaes and cute presents anymore?" The thing that I've noticed is that a lot is made of having babies, but not so much raising them. We read countless books about when our babies will start teething and how to take their temp, and those kinds of things are pretty general and pretty much the same for all babies. Then, they become toddlers and pre-schoolers and real kids. They develop their own personalities. They have their own way of thinking, their own way of doing things and their own hearts that are shaped and molded and broken and filled in totally different ways. They pitch fits at the most inopportune moments. They meltdown over having to wear clothes. People at school say mean things to them and you find yourself wanting to punch out a  2nd grader. They learn to fake being sick and as if it isn't hard enough to know how to take care of them when they are sick, now you have to figure out if they really are sick. Is it possible to get real stomach aches every.single.Monday.morning?

You find yourself constantly questioning every decision you make, agonizing over everything you wish you hadn't said, and trying to figure out if you should save up for college or therapy for your kids. To top it off you constantly compare yourself to other moms and wish you were as patient, loving, fun, creative, tender, or fill in the blank with whatever other quality you think of.

Then, Mother's Day comes and you have visions of beautiful, sweet moments with your children. But the thing is, despite the tear jerker cards and special hand-picked gifts, the kids don't seem to understand that this would be a good day to not fight during the entire 45 minute trip to see the grandmas. That for one day you would like to eat your meal without a trip to the bathroom midway. That you would enjoy having conversations with other adults without them flying in your face with glowsticks or elbowing you in the eye. Of course these feelings take you back to the guilt of not being patient and loving enough. And on Mother's Day of all days! The dreams of perfect mothering are shattered.

And then the realization hits that the exhaustion, the frustrations, the fact that you end Mother's Day spanking your 3 year old because it is 2 and a half hours past her bedtime and she has gotten up 83 times, those are the things that make you a Mama. The truth is that the fun people are the grandparents and the aunts and uncles and family friends. They do the spoiling. They get to send them home and sleep at night. Being a Mama is a lot more than those shows from the 50's and those paintings of mothers gazing lovingly at their children portray. Being a Mama means getting dirty. It means being there when kids have owies and upset stomachs. It means loving them enough to discipline them, even though it really does hurt you more than it hurts them. It means you may go 18 years without completing a sentence or a thought. It means you will be riddled with insecurity as they tell you how "so and so's Mama" does things. It means you have a real kind of love for them, the kind of love that gets frustrated and angry and chooses to love anyway. The kind of love that at times you see the things you wish you could change in yourself pop up in  your children and you want to be better so they can be better.

If perfection is what you are looking for, motherhood is probably not for you. If you are looking for a spotless house and smiling children dressed to the nines playing peacefully and eating their veggies, I recommend posing for a magazine cover. But, if you are looking for the experience of a lifetime that will teach you more about yourself and challenge you in ways you didn't know were possible, I recommend motherhood. If you are okay with dirty handprints on the wall as long as those chubby little hands hold onto yours, I recommend motherhood. If you can handle sassy mouthed children as long as those same mouths say, "You are the best Mom and Dad ever", motherhood is for you. If you think influencing and shaping children into the people God would have them to be is important, I recommend motherhood.

It won't alway look pretty. It won't always feel good. You will have doubts, fears and questions. But it's because you care. And that's what makes you a Mama.

Sliding Into 6!

If you are new to the blog you need to know that nary a kid's birthday passes in the Fidler household without an annual blog. I can't remember when I started this little tradition, but it has definitely become tradition. So, with less than 2 hours left on this Cinco de Mayo, which is more importantly known as ELI'S BIRTHDAY in our household, let's continue the tradition,shall we?  (Run-on sentences are also a tradition. Sorry.)

On 5/5/05 our world got a whole lot sweeter. We welcomed 8 pound 4 oz. Joshua Eli Fidler into the world. Our family looked a little different then than it does now.

There's Josh with Baby Eli, (I think I called him Baby Eli until Baby Kate was born) :), Sarah and Abby. I had my hands full with 2 year old Sarah and Abby. The energy between the two of them could have launched a space shuttle. I was also in school full-time. I was wored out, but some kind of happy. Eli was the sweetest, easiest, most laid back baby. He slept longer sooner than both my girls. He nursed like a champ. He just hung out and took in the action. And there was a lot of action between Sarah and Abby. Sometimes I realize I don't have as many memories of Eli as a baby and it is simply because of the fact that he was so good. If it weren't for the fact that I couldn't stand to put him down I might have forgotten he was around.

Some of my favorite toddler Eli moments are when Sarah started kindergarten and Kate took really good naps during the day. I had just left my job with Hospice and was soaking up every minute of being at home. We would cuddle up in the recliner and read, "Down by the bay where the watermelons grow, back to my home I dare not go......" Do y'all know that story? I do. Eli did. He actually memorized the whole book.

Another fun time was potty training. Well, the potty training wasn't so fun, but I'll never forget the day I took him to the store to get his "big boy" potty. He spent the rest of the day taking it apart and putting it back together. I knew then that he was all boy. :) 


This year Eli started kindergarten and has excelled all the way. He just makes me so proud. He loves to learn new things, ask lots of questions, WIN, and run. He is sweet, gentle, competitive, inquisitive, athletic, and cuddly. And all boy. He loves any kind of sport, especially baseball, Star Wars, Legos, the Wii, riding bikes, scooters and skateboards, and watching movies. He adores his sisters. They adore him. He plays hard. So hard that he's gone through two pairs of shoes this year, and I mean literally gone through them. I finally threw away one pair that he insisted on wearing to church even when ALL 10 of his toes were exposed.

Eli, I always knew I would have an Eli and you are exactly what I thought he would be like. You are just so cool and awesome and I love being your Mom. I can't wait to see what this year holds! Happy Birthday!

Whatnot Wednesday: It's A High Five Kind of Week

* My kids always go to bed the latest on Wednesday nights. Just a little Fidler fun fact for you. We get home from church about 20 minutes past their normal bedtime and then they proceed to stall and distract with skill like you've never seen.

* My SIL had a baby shower last weekend and we have a mutual friend who has just happened to be my friend since middle school. We found ourselves saying, "They didn't have that when my kids were babies" and wondering if we are old enough to say that yet.
* Some of you may remember this blog  where I first disclosed my love for nuts, Well, I have to say it has only grown stronger with time. So many people tell me they don't know how I've stuck with my diet and I will tell you the secret- NUTS! One of my friends at church calls it my bird food. I always have a container full of almonds, cashews, sunflower and pumpkin seeds and raisins. It's my go to snack and really fills me up. In addition to my non-stop eating, I also have devloped a love for oil. I've shared about the Argan Oil I use on my hair and I have now learned I can use it on my skin!! It makes your skin sooo soft! My SIL who is expecting her first baby also shared with me about Palmer's  Cocoa Butter Skin Therapy Oil.  Love that stuff! I also have started cooking EVERYTHING in extra virgin olive oil and garlic. Yum!

* My favorite saying this week is, "It is what it is."  Because it is, isn't it?

* Last night was Eli's last ballgame and I didn't know I would be so sad. :(  I LOVED his coaches and his team this year. They rocked! Tomorrow is Eli's birthday (don't worry, you will hear all about it) :), so I ordered cupcakes from the Pig. After the Easter Egg Hunt I just could not stand to bake another cupcake. Anyway, it was about a 150 degrees and that was some kind of messy!!

* My kids have really enjoyed playing outside the last few days and I'm so glad. I'm a big believer in kids playing outside. :)  The only downfall is making the transition from backyard to the bathtub. And they HAVE to go the bathtub!

* After tomorrow I will have one week of dance classes until the recital. I get to wear real clothes and flip flops and pretty much just sit and watch the dances. Woo-hoo! I am so going to miss my girls, but after a 3 week break we will be back for summer classes. Josh just finished the slide show for the recital and I can't watch it without crying. Does that song "I Hope You Dance" make anybody else cry every.single.time. they hear it? Well, I know for me it is just very emotional to watch the progression of the year and really soak in what an opportunity this has been for me and my girls. But what really makes me emotional is that tomorrow I will pick up 5 pairs of tights and on Saturday I will have to help with 7 changes of tights, 8 costume and 7 shoe changes between me and my girls. Please, just stop and think about this for a moment. A 3 year old.  A pair of tights. An 8 year old. 5 pairs of tights, only about 2 songs to change tights, costumes and hair. Two classes of 2-4 years old to corral and 10 berets that I'm the only one who knows how to put on my jazz girls the right way. A duet with Sarah that reminds me I'm not 16 anymore and always leaves me talking like I need a breathing treatment. *Deep breath*.  All I can say is, I hope we dance, too. I hope there are no Fidler girls stuck in the wings struggling to get their tights on while the show goes on. That's all I can hope for.

* In couponing news, I saved $5.00 last week. Please, try not to be jealous.

* I always realize on Wednesdays just how boring and uneventful my life must seem to everyone. I would ask y'all to pray for something exciting to happen in my life, but seriously, I'm pretty content with boring right now. :)

* So, I've discovered I am a high fiver. I don't know if it comes from my working with kids or what, but I've just realized how much I do it. Tonight one of our ladies at church was so excited because she found some teachers for VBS. She literally squealing in happiness in the hallway. Next thing I know, I've got my hand up in the air. She looked at me like I was crazy, but high fived me anyway. I even got evidence of this as these pictures were posted from Relay for Life.

That is one of my beautiful assistants smiling in the corner like a supermodel. And...I'm the doofus in the back.
Oh well. Here's a high five to ya! Link up here!

Gifts That Keep on Giving

Hello friends! Hope you are all having a great week so far! I just wanted to pop in and share some links that I thought might inspire us all. I also think these would be great Mother's Day gift ideas for anyone who is still searching.  Even if you've already had your Mom's present picked out for months, these are still great ministries to be aware of!

*  As Our Own is a ministry in India that reaches out to protect orphans, specifically young girls who are vulnerable to being used in sex trafficking (shudder) or forced labor and slavery. For Mother's Day you can go HERE  to donate in honor or memory of your Mom.

*  I've talked about Back to Africa before and you should definitely check them out. This is a ministry that sells beautiful jewelry handmade by African women and all of the proceeds go back to those women to support them and their children. What a great opportunity to buy beautiful gifts and support  a worthy cause!

*  We always hear about American Red Cross , but I have gained an even greater respect for them and the resources they provide for our military and their families.

*  This last one isn't necessarily a Mother's Day thing, (although, as a Mom I think it would be awesome to get a gift certificate to spend on my girls!) but it is a great deal, nonetheless. My friend, Jess, has an awesome ETSY site, Mama Moose Bowtique, and until May 6th 20% of all orders will be donated to World Vision/30 Hour Famine to help combat world hunger. You really need to check out her adorable selection!

I hope you will check these out and join me in praying for these amazing ministries and resources that God will use them to change lives!

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered, Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives, be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you, be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow, do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.
It never was between you and them anyway."

~Mother Teresa