I love the word scandalous. *Gasp*. I know that is not normally something you would hear from a preacher's wife, but let's face it, I am sure I have shared tons of things on this blog that you never thought a preacher's wife would say. Well, that is why I love the word scandalous. I think Jesus was scandalous. He hung out with sinners, treated women like they were human beings and not property, and He consistently offended the religious people. Scandalous, I tell you, scandalous!!
Why am I going on and on about the word scandalous? Because I am reading a book now titled "A Scandalous Freedom" by Steve Brown. My friend Karen has been telling me about the book for a couple of years now and how I needed to read it, but after a major crisis of belief I've been struggling with she gave up on me taking the initiative and just packed it up and made the 45 minute trip to bring it to me! Praise Jesus, because I sooo needed this book right now.
Let me back up and tell you about my crisis of belief. About a month ago I came across some homeschooling blogs that eventually led to me coming across some blogs of some people who are involved in what is known as the patriarchial movement. I became obssessed with these people. They are so holy. The women only wear skirts and dresses, they embrace their roles as wives and mothers, they homeschool like at least 8 children, make their own bread, and write eloquent, persuasive essays about how to be like them. I decided they were exactly how I needed to be. I needed to be more holy. Well, after a week of obsessive housecleaning, demanding that my 3 year old have a personal Bible reading time (seriously y'all, I went off the deep end), and doing everything in my power to support Josh I was...exhausted. And spiritually empty. Reading the things they wrote encouraged me that I should give up any dreams or plans I have that do not revolve around my husband and kids. That was a tough one to swallow as just months ago God began speaking to me about something I really thought He wanted me to do that has nothing to do with my family. It was so confusing.
So, fast forward a few weeks and after massive google searches and marathon blog reading, I realized that this group is in fact a cult. Now, I am not one to throw such words around lightly or to attack others beliefs. But I feel the need to say that because I feel that if I as someone who has been a Christian for 21 years and is a preacher's wife could be so misled then it really is not as difficult as we might think to get sucked in to these incredibly unbiblical ideas. I soon learned that certain members of this movement also believe that women should not be allowed to go to college or vote. They are definitely not allowed to work outside of the home. Now, being a stay at home mom who homeschools I would really not consider myself a feminist by any means, but by the standards this group holds I might as well be burning bras in the church parking lot.
What does this have to do with the book I am reading? Everything! "A Scandalous Freedom" is a book designed to set Christians free from the exact kind of bondage that the patriarchial camp is trying to put people in. Nothing made Jesus angrier than legalism or religious people creating new rules for Christians. Matthew 23:4 says, "For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with their own fingers." Jesus told us that we should, "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30. I feel like Jesus is saying that He never meant for it to be so hard. He didn't come and die on a cross for us so that we could daily suffer and never feel good enough. He is saying that He didn't make up all of those rules, man did!
I will give you a silly example of this. Modesty. Now, I am all about modesty. Mostly because I have had 3 kids and mother nature was not kind. :O) Really, I have strong convictions (beliefs) about modesty. I feel that I should be responsible in how I dress so as not to show off things that were not meant to be showed off! The thing about this movement is that they preach it as if it is equally important with baptism or taking the Lord's Supper. They are also extreme with it. There is a very big push to wear skirts and dresses only to bring feminity back. Now, I am a huge fan of skirts and dresses. They make me feel girly and pretty. But, I searched and searched the Bible and could not find a scripture that convinced me it was a matter of life and death that I wear skirts or dresses. They even had someone challenge ladies to wear their hair a different way everyday of the week. I was surprised that I did it for four days. I didn't know there was that much to do with my hair. But still, I kept praying, "God, is this really important to you?" Honestly, I felt like He told me that He wished I would find something more meaningful to think so much about besides my hair!!!
Josh tried to be supportive of my newfound ideas. He always tells me I'm hot when I get ready to go somewhere. (I am so sorry if that does emotional damage to know that a preacher talks that way: ). However, he quickly learned to say "and modest. You look hot and modest." Again, I am all for modesty. I feel that it is something very lacking in the church today, but again, the Bible just really doesn't spell out what that looks like for everybody. I give that as just one example. I know I am going off on a rant, but really freedom in Christ is so important to me. The fact that after just a week or so of being fed lies by some of these people, I felt that freedom slipping away was very scary.
As I struggled through my beliefs and questioned ideas I had been taught Karen kept saying, "Focus on what you do know." She is so deep and you should check out her blog. Anyway, I have to tell you that what I know is Grace. I say that with a capital G because it has really been that big of a deal to me. I know that I am a sinner who needed a Savior. I know that no matter how hard I try I can't earn my salvation or God's favor. He offered it freely when Jesus died for me. He only asked that I accept Him.
Y'all I get so excited about the fact that I have freedom in Christ that I would do a cartwheel if I knew I wouldn't end up in the ER. I am a Child of God, not because I go to church every time the doors are open, not because I read my Bible 8 hours a day or pray the right kind of prayers. I am soo not a Child of God because I am "good" enough, whatever that means. I am a Child of God because God chose me!!! Because He offered Grace.
I don't know if any of this made any sense, and I definitely will have to write again about the book. I just feel so passionately about this subject because after six years of depression, I finally experienced freedom. I finally saw that there was nothing left to lose. I had nothing to give, and God loved me anyway. I pray this encourages you and helps you find that freedom as well. Don't wear yourself out trying to live up to manmade ideals and to fulfill manmade rules. Seek Jesus. He will give you a scandalous freedom!!!!
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
New Life Lessons
Can I be honest with you? I am going through a rough season right now. Not a bad season, or a sad season. I've had those. But what I'm talking about here, is a season of learning. Do you also find learning rough? I don't know about you, but as much as I love to know new things I don't find the learning part very appealing. At points it seems fun and challenging. But then, it just gets hard. I feel like Sarah working on her worksheets as she asks me, "I already know this. Why do I have to keep doing the same thing over and over?"
I want to share with you the lesson I'm having to work on. I don't know if you are in the same boat. Maybe you have already mastered this one and if so God bless you! This is the lesson of selfless service. I wish so much that I was one of those people who can work and give and do for others and be totally content to serve no matter how appreciated (or unappreciated) they are. I know it is so easy for me to look at other people around me and start the pity parties of why am I the only one? Or doesn't anybody care? It's so humiliating to even admit. But as hard as I was trying to have a pity party recently God was working even harder on my heart. I wanted to just wallow in my self-pity and tell God the problems with everybody else. He wouldn't let me. Instead His Word kept playing through my mind like a CD set on replay.
I want to share with you the lesson I'm having to work on. I don't know if you are in the same boat. Maybe you have already mastered this one and if so God bless you! This is the lesson of selfless service. I wish so much that I was one of those people who can work and give and do for others and be totally content to serve no matter how appreciated (or unappreciated) they are. I know it is so easy for me to look at other people around me and start the pity parties of why am I the only one? Or doesn't anybody care? It's so humiliating to even admit. But as hard as I was trying to have a pity party recently God was working even harder on my heart. I wanted to just wallow in my self-pity and tell God the problems with everybody else. He wouldn't let me. Instead His Word kept playing through my mind like a CD set on replay.
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."
~Philippians 2:3-4
I pray that these verses might encourage you this week. If you too are a follower of Christ then you know that this is the battle we fight. Everything in our human nature tells us to be ambitious, to put ourselves ahead of others. Trust me, the instruction of these verses does not come naturally to me. But because I am a Christ follower I desperately want them to.
I challenge you as I am challenging myself this week. What can we do to make life easier for others? How can we serve those around us? My goal is when I start feeling sorry for myself to pray and ask God to show me someone who could really use my prayers or words of encouragement. When I start feeling too busy I want to use that to think of what I would want someone to do to help me out and then offer that assistance to someone else.
As a Christian sometimes it is so easy to take for granted the blessings we recieve. It is easy to hoard the love that God has shown us. The truth is that those blessings and that love grow in us when we share them with others. How I pray that this week the Father would keep teaching me this hard lesson. I pray that I would follow God's leading in the same way Sarah follows me from the kitchen watching me cook to the bedroom watching me put on my jewelry. That I can learn from the best example, the one Christ set.
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God
something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death-
even death on a cross!"
~Philippians 2:5-8
Friday, April 10, 2009
She Did the Best She Could...
In case I haven't mentioned it, we live across the street from the cemetary. What can I say? It is one of the perks of being the preacher's family and living in the pastorium. It seems to weird some people out, but I have to tell you they haven't bothered us one bit! I guess we can blame the fear everyone has of dead people on those trashy horror movies, but really, I have found that it is the living people we always seem to have trouble with. Have you noticed that? You never hear about a dead person holding up a gas station or causing a school shooting do you? Just a thought.
So, we are fine with our neighbors. In fact, I don't even have blinds on our dining room window that faces the cemetary. As we dine and enjoy each other's company we overlook the cemetary. The honest truth is that I just don't think about it that much. One day a grave digging crew was over there and they were blasting some rap music. It was at that point that I told Josh I was going to give him a playlist of music I want the grave diggers to play when it's my turn. Not that I will be there or know anything about it, but if the whole neighborhood is going to have to listen to it I want it to be something I would approve of!
Well, I have seriously gotten off subject ( I know you are wondering what my subject was in the first place!), so I will tell you why I am discussing graves. Today is Good Friday. It is the day that Christians remember Jesus' sacrificial death on the cross. It is always a hard day for me. There is so much excitement around the resurrection Sunday (as there should be!), but sometimes I feel that this day gets overlooked. I think about the cemetary for two reasons today. One, today was the day my Savior died and didn't even have a tomb to be buried in. And two, I am reminded of one of the headstones my mother in law discovered while touring the Montrose cemetary. It was an old headstone of a woman that said, "SHE DID THE BEST SHE COULD". We had a good laugh about it. Especially after we figured out she was a preacher's wife! We joked that the it should have also included "WITH WHAT SHE HAD TO WORK WITH". How I can relate. I spend so many days feeling like I've done the best I can and it is still so far from the best that was needed.
I don't know if you have gathered this from me, but I am pretty hard on myself. I expect a lot. When I was working I did not understand why I couldn't spend quality time with all 40 of my patients, have my paperwork done perfectly, keep my house immaculate, throw lavish dinner parties, train my children in the way they should go, and give my husband my full attention when we finally had a moment of peace together. Now that I'm at home I still can't keep my house immaculate, I feel totally intimidated by other homeschooling parents who have rigorous schedules and impressive projects, and I still don't make time to minister to our church members the way I should. Those are just all of my physical shortcomings. When you add my laziness, short temper, critical spirit, and a whole host of other sins I fight with constantly, it is so easy to feel like I'm really not even doing the best I can. I know I constantly wonder, 'When will I be good enough?'
Can I share something with you? I won't be. Not on this earth. I wish desperately that I could head over to that graveyard right this second and dig a hole to bury all of my faults, sins, and problems. Then I could proudly display a sign that said "NOW SHE'S GOT IT ALL TOGETHER!" Of course, I can't do that. At least not physically. But spiritually, I already have. You see, if we are believers who have accepted Jesus into our hearts we have to understand that is what our baptism represented. That is what this day represents.
Josh was working on a sermon a few weeks ago and asked me what I thought it meant when Jesus said "It is finished!"
(John 19:30). John McArthur notes in his study Bible that "The single Greek word here (translated "it is finished") has been found in the papyri being placed on receipts for taxes meaning "paid in full" (see Colossians 3:13-14)". PAID IN FULL. I have to tell you that this girl with student loan debt would literally jump and do cartwheels if I received a letter saying that debt was PAID IN FULL!!!!!!! Can you imagine? But that is exactly what Jesus did for us spiritually. He paid the debt that our sin created.
We celebrate life in our society. Well, I hope that we still do. In any case, very rarely do you see someone celebrate death. It is scary, painful, unknown. But today, I celebrate this death. This death that gave us life. I stand in awe of the love my savior had for me that He would die on a cross, so that my sins would die with him. You see, He knew that no matter how much I did the best that I could that it would never be good enough. When He said "It is finished!" what it meant to me is that my struggle is finished. My victory is won. I am no longer a slave to my sin. I am no longer a victim of death. In Christ I live!!!!
"Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been unified together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 6:4-11
So, we are fine with our neighbors. In fact, I don't even have blinds on our dining room window that faces the cemetary. As we dine and enjoy each other's company we overlook the cemetary. The honest truth is that I just don't think about it that much. One day a grave digging crew was over there and they were blasting some rap music. It was at that point that I told Josh I was going to give him a playlist of music I want the grave diggers to play when it's my turn. Not that I will be there or know anything about it, but if the whole neighborhood is going to have to listen to it I want it to be something I would approve of!
Well, I have seriously gotten off subject ( I know you are wondering what my subject was in the first place!), so I will tell you why I am discussing graves. Today is Good Friday. It is the day that Christians remember Jesus' sacrificial death on the cross. It is always a hard day for me. There is so much excitement around the resurrection Sunday (as there should be!), but sometimes I feel that this day gets overlooked. I think about the cemetary for two reasons today. One, today was the day my Savior died and didn't even have a tomb to be buried in. And two, I am reminded of one of the headstones my mother in law discovered while touring the Montrose cemetary. It was an old headstone of a woman that said, "SHE DID THE BEST SHE COULD". We had a good laugh about it. Especially after we figured out she was a preacher's wife! We joked that the it should have also included "WITH WHAT SHE HAD TO WORK WITH". How I can relate. I spend so many days feeling like I've done the best I can and it is still so far from the best that was needed.
I don't know if you have gathered this from me, but I am pretty hard on myself. I expect a lot. When I was working I did not understand why I couldn't spend quality time with all 40 of my patients, have my paperwork done perfectly, keep my house immaculate, throw lavish dinner parties, train my children in the way they should go, and give my husband my full attention when we finally had a moment of peace together. Now that I'm at home I still can't keep my house immaculate, I feel totally intimidated by other homeschooling parents who have rigorous schedules and impressive projects, and I still don't make time to minister to our church members the way I should. Those are just all of my physical shortcomings. When you add my laziness, short temper, critical spirit, and a whole host of other sins I fight with constantly, it is so easy to feel like I'm really not even doing the best I can. I know I constantly wonder, 'When will I be good enough?'
Can I share something with you? I won't be. Not on this earth. I wish desperately that I could head over to that graveyard right this second and dig a hole to bury all of my faults, sins, and problems. Then I could proudly display a sign that said "NOW SHE'S GOT IT ALL TOGETHER!" Of course, I can't do that. At least not physically. But spiritually, I already have. You see, if we are believers who have accepted Jesus into our hearts we have to understand that is what our baptism represented. That is what this day represents.
Josh was working on a sermon a few weeks ago and asked me what I thought it meant when Jesus said "It is finished!"
(John 19:30). John McArthur notes in his study Bible that "The single Greek word here (translated "it is finished") has been found in the papyri being placed on receipts for taxes meaning "paid in full" (see Colossians 3:13-14)". PAID IN FULL. I have to tell you that this girl with student loan debt would literally jump and do cartwheels if I received a letter saying that debt was PAID IN FULL!!!!!!! Can you imagine? But that is exactly what Jesus did for us spiritually. He paid the debt that our sin created.
We celebrate life in our society. Well, I hope that we still do. In any case, very rarely do you see someone celebrate death. It is scary, painful, unknown. But today, I celebrate this death. This death that gave us life. I stand in awe of the love my savior had for me that He would die on a cross, so that my sins would die with him. You see, He knew that no matter how much I did the best that I could that it would never be good enough. When He said "It is finished!" what it meant to me is that my struggle is finished. My victory is won. I am no longer a slave to my sin. I am no longer a victim of death. In Christ I live!!!!
"Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been unified together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 6:4-11
Friday, March 13, 2009
Counting Down the Days
I've had lots of fun and silliness in my life lately. But, I've also been wrestling with some serious things that I just felt I needed to share.
We're getting ready for our honeymoon! Yay! Josh had just started a new job when we got married and so he couldn't take any time off for a honeymoon. Of course, we didn't care, we were content to finally just get to be together all the time. (Well, except for those pesky work hours. :) ) Anyway, we will be married 8 years in June and we just haven't stopped having babies or moving long enough to get one! We've decided it is time! The excitement in our house is uncontainable. The kids are equally excited because they get to go to Panama City and see the grandparents which equals a week of fun and getting whatever they want!
All of this excitement takes place in 15 days!!!! I know this because the other day I bought little calendars for Sarah and Eli to mark the days instead of asking me 85 times a day when they're going to Panama City! Sarah is such a planner. I promise she is going to be some kind of event coordinator when she grows up. She LIVES for parties and social occassions and she wants to have a plan and discuss it frequently. She did not get this quality from me as I am the worst planner known to mankind, but I have learned to appreciate and am looking forward to her planning our social events when she is old enough! So, the calendar has been right up her alley. She's gone through all of the months and recorded birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. We've marked off all of the days from this month that have passed.
Now I get to the serious part that has been on my heart. While I love being excited and looking forward to things to come, I realized how much God has changed me in the last year and a half. You see, my life changed forever on August 28, 2007. At least the way I view the days of my life. That was the day that Baby Kate decided to make her entrance into the world and she was determined to give me all of the drama that my other two birth stories were lacking. She came 4 weeks early, on a day Josh was at school in Jackson (broke down on the side of the road by the way), and unlike my first two babies the epidural did not work. It was also my longest labor which I totally did not expect because these things are supposesd to get faster!
Well, nothing went as planned that day. I suffered from postpartum hemmorage, a very rare complication, and my uterus did not contract back the way it should. I began losing a lot of blood. I thought I was just really tired from labor, but I was also really out of it. Right before the nurse figured out what was going on a nursery nurse came in to tell me that they had taken Kate to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) because her breathing was too rapid. I was already so out of it that I didn't really comprehend what they were telling me. Josh had left to go get the kids and bring them back to the hospital, but my friend Karen had just showed up. She got there just in time for all of the action! Bless her heart, you just don't know what I have put that girl through in our friendship!
I'll save the details, mostly because I was too out of it to remember them! But here is why I share this story. Life could have taken a vary drastic turn for me that day. I really didn't realize how bad the situation was until a couple of months later talking to Karen. Thankfully she understands my need to discuss and analyze and relive things until I can make peace with them. She was in the room when the nurse (who happened to be her aunt!) called the dr. My dr. said that he would be there in 10 minutes and she told him he did not have 10 minutes!! I still praise God for the amazing, experienced nurses I had that day. Karen also said that her aunt who was my nurse told her later that she didn't know how close she came to losing her friend. If I didn't appreciate how much God is in control it would still scare me to think about that day.
That night I wasn't able to see Kate because I wasn't allowed out of bed and Kate had to stay in the NICU. Fortunately, everything turned out just fine with Kate and she is one happy, healthy baby now! I was afraid she would be spoiled rotten from having so much attention from the awesome NICU nurses, but she wasn't!
I'm really not trying to be overdramatic, I just felt so compelled to share with you what God taught me through that experience. I feel that at the age 0f 27 God allowed me to know something that most people don't begin to realize until much later in life. That is the fact that life is precious and we are not promised any more days. They are a gift. We were so blessed that everything was fine with Kate. But Josh and I said many prayers for a family whose baby was in the bed next to Kate. She was very premature and we overheard the dr. discussing the options with the family and none of them sounded like an option I would ever want to have to consider.
Life has a new urgency for me now. I don't take for granted that myself or anyone I love is promised another day. There just is not time to waste. There is no time to accept the status quo from life, no time to be content living in a way that allows me to just get by. I see everyday as an opportunity to live praising and worshipping my heavenly Father and not just that but telling others about Him. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness." I want you to know about that mercy. That everyday you can begin with new mercies, a new start.
God has blessed me with a wonderful family, some of the best friends in the world, and too many other things to list. But NOTHING has brought more joy and peace in my life than my relationship with Jesus. NOTHING has had the power to truly change me, to give me the meaning and purpose that we all seek. I love sharing my life with those of you who for some reason find it entertaining to read about. But I cannot go another day with making sure that I have told you the most important news you will ever hear.
Romans 10:9-10 says, "that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead , you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation."
You may wonder what you need to be saved from. In our culture and society we have been brainwashed into believing that sin doesn't exist, that we are all basically good. It's just not true! I'm not judging anybody, I'm just stating the facts. Romans 3:23 says, "For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." The truth is that no human is capable of being good enough compared to God's standards. NOBODY! Not Billy Graham, not Oprah. It does not matter how many good works you do. None of us deserves the new mercies God offers everyday.
The Good News is that God knew that and He sent a sacrifice to pay for our sins. My absolute favorite verse is Romans 5:8. "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this, that while we were still sinners Christ died for us." Do you see that? While we were still sinners Christ died for us. He didn't wait for us to be good enough because it would never happen. But He saw who we would be if we would accept Him and allow Him to change us for His glory.
Romans 8:16-17 tells us, "The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs-heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together." We become children of God and His heirs! How amazing is that? I won't try to sell you that lie that many TV preachers do and tell you that asking Jesus into your heart means all of your problems will disappear and everything will be perfect. If you've observed my life long enough you know that is not true. But I will say that I have enjoyed suffering with Jesus more than I ever enjoyed just floating through life with no meaning and purpose.
There would have been a time that I would have apologized for being so bold. But I'm not going to apologize. God literally saved my life and while I appreciate the opportunity to be around and raise my children and support my husband, I wholeheartedly believe that I am still here to testify to the Power of God. I can't make anyone believe or accept anything. But I do have to make sure you know!
I'm still looking forward to my honeymoon. But I'm not marking off days. There is too much life to be lived in those 15 days. Please don't accept that life is an event to be survived until we die and hope that something good happens every few months or so. In John 10:10 Jesus tells us, "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." Let Jesus give you that abundant life. Start seeking to make the most of those days, not just mark them off.
We're getting ready for our honeymoon! Yay! Josh had just started a new job when we got married and so he couldn't take any time off for a honeymoon. Of course, we didn't care, we were content to finally just get to be together all the time. (Well, except for those pesky work hours. :) ) Anyway, we will be married 8 years in June and we just haven't stopped having babies or moving long enough to get one! We've decided it is time! The excitement in our house is uncontainable. The kids are equally excited because they get to go to Panama City and see the grandparents which equals a week of fun and getting whatever they want!
All of this excitement takes place in 15 days!!!! I know this because the other day I bought little calendars for Sarah and Eli to mark the days instead of asking me 85 times a day when they're going to Panama City! Sarah is such a planner. I promise she is going to be some kind of event coordinator when she grows up. She LIVES for parties and social occassions and she wants to have a plan and discuss it frequently. She did not get this quality from me as I am the worst planner known to mankind, but I have learned to appreciate and am looking forward to her planning our social events when she is old enough! So, the calendar has been right up her alley. She's gone through all of the months and recorded birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. We've marked off all of the days from this month that have passed.
Now I get to the serious part that has been on my heart. While I love being excited and looking forward to things to come, I realized how much God has changed me in the last year and a half. You see, my life changed forever on August 28, 2007. At least the way I view the days of my life. That was the day that Baby Kate decided to make her entrance into the world and she was determined to give me all of the drama that my other two birth stories were lacking. She came 4 weeks early, on a day Josh was at school in Jackson (broke down on the side of the road by the way), and unlike my first two babies the epidural did not work. It was also my longest labor which I totally did not expect because these things are supposesd to get faster!
Well, nothing went as planned that day. I suffered from postpartum hemmorage, a very rare complication, and my uterus did not contract back the way it should. I began losing a lot of blood. I thought I was just really tired from labor, but I was also really out of it. Right before the nurse figured out what was going on a nursery nurse came in to tell me that they had taken Kate to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) because her breathing was too rapid. I was already so out of it that I didn't really comprehend what they were telling me. Josh had left to go get the kids and bring them back to the hospital, but my friend Karen had just showed up. She got there just in time for all of the action! Bless her heart, you just don't know what I have put that girl through in our friendship!
I'll save the details, mostly because I was too out of it to remember them! But here is why I share this story. Life could have taken a vary drastic turn for me that day. I really didn't realize how bad the situation was until a couple of months later talking to Karen. Thankfully she understands my need to discuss and analyze and relive things until I can make peace with them. She was in the room when the nurse (who happened to be her aunt!) called the dr. My dr. said that he would be there in 10 minutes and she told him he did not have 10 minutes!! I still praise God for the amazing, experienced nurses I had that day. Karen also said that her aunt who was my nurse told her later that she didn't know how close she came to losing her friend. If I didn't appreciate how much God is in control it would still scare me to think about that day.
That night I wasn't able to see Kate because I wasn't allowed out of bed and Kate had to stay in the NICU. Fortunately, everything turned out just fine with Kate and she is one happy, healthy baby now! I was afraid she would be spoiled rotten from having so much attention from the awesome NICU nurses, but she wasn't!
I'm really not trying to be overdramatic, I just felt so compelled to share with you what God taught me through that experience. I feel that at the age 0f 27 God allowed me to know something that most people don't begin to realize until much later in life. That is the fact that life is precious and we are not promised any more days. They are a gift. We were so blessed that everything was fine with Kate. But Josh and I said many prayers for a family whose baby was in the bed next to Kate. She was very premature and we overheard the dr. discussing the options with the family and none of them sounded like an option I would ever want to have to consider.
Life has a new urgency for me now. I don't take for granted that myself or anyone I love is promised another day. There just is not time to waste. There is no time to accept the status quo from life, no time to be content living in a way that allows me to just get by. I see everyday as an opportunity to live praising and worshipping my heavenly Father and not just that but telling others about Him. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness." I want you to know about that mercy. That everyday you can begin with new mercies, a new start.
God has blessed me with a wonderful family, some of the best friends in the world, and too many other things to list. But NOTHING has brought more joy and peace in my life than my relationship with Jesus. NOTHING has had the power to truly change me, to give me the meaning and purpose that we all seek. I love sharing my life with those of you who for some reason find it entertaining to read about. But I cannot go another day with making sure that I have told you the most important news you will ever hear.
Romans 10:9-10 says, "that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead , you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation."
You may wonder what you need to be saved from. In our culture and society we have been brainwashed into believing that sin doesn't exist, that we are all basically good. It's just not true! I'm not judging anybody, I'm just stating the facts. Romans 3:23 says, "For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." The truth is that no human is capable of being good enough compared to God's standards. NOBODY! Not Billy Graham, not Oprah. It does not matter how many good works you do. None of us deserves the new mercies God offers everyday.
The Good News is that God knew that and He sent a sacrifice to pay for our sins. My absolute favorite verse is Romans 5:8. "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this, that while we were still sinners Christ died for us." Do you see that? While we were still sinners Christ died for us. He didn't wait for us to be good enough because it would never happen. But He saw who we would be if we would accept Him and allow Him to change us for His glory.
Romans 8:16-17 tells us, "The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs-heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together." We become children of God and His heirs! How amazing is that? I won't try to sell you that lie that many TV preachers do and tell you that asking Jesus into your heart means all of your problems will disappear and everything will be perfect. If you've observed my life long enough you know that is not true. But I will say that I have enjoyed suffering with Jesus more than I ever enjoyed just floating through life with no meaning and purpose.
There would have been a time that I would have apologized for being so bold. But I'm not going to apologize. God literally saved my life and while I appreciate the opportunity to be around and raise my children and support my husband, I wholeheartedly believe that I am still here to testify to the Power of God. I can't make anyone believe or accept anything. But I do have to make sure you know!
I'm still looking forward to my honeymoon. But I'm not marking off days. There is too much life to be lived in those 15 days. Please don't accept that life is an event to be survived until we die and hope that something good happens every few months or so. In John 10:10 Jesus tells us, "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." Let Jesus give you that abundant life. Start seeking to make the most of those days, not just mark them off.
Monday, December 22, 2008
The Overflow
I sat down to eat one night and had to kick a ball out from under my feet and move a Barbie doll to put my plate down. Our dining room floor was covered in blocks, fast food toys and books. I sighed. We had an overflow. You see, we have been very blessed with a good size pastorium that the church has allowed us to live in. We have a den, a good size dining room, and a large room that I had great plans of turning into my formal living room. I had visions of beautiful furniture, drapes, a nice rug and a matching set of end tables, maybe even a coffee table. However, since we did not have those things to furnish another room and since my dreams were always crashed with the reality of brand new furniture stained with juice, trips to the ER due to coffee table concussions and rugs covered in toys, I surrendered and turned it into a playroom. Despite the fact that we have this huge room for nothing but toys, books, and other kid stuff, it still seems to always find it's way into other rooms in the house.
While I sat there eating trying to figure out yet another organizational system for the playroom I realized how much of my life is consumed with stuff. Especially right here at Christmas. We're either trying to figure out what stuff we need, what stuff we can and cannot pay for, what stuff we want, what stuff other people need or want. Then we spend the rest of our time stressing out about what to do with our stuff. I have probably spent an equal amount of money on containers and storage units as I have on the stuff we're putting in them! I realized at that moment 1. I am truly blessed to have so many people who have loved me and my family to give us so much stuff and 2. If God has blessed me so much I am pretty sure that it is so I can bless others as well.
So Josh and I started talking and really started discussing how God has blessed our church financially. We do not have a large congregation compared to many of the mega churches. We run between 60 and 80 most Sundays. But, God has allowed our budget to continue to grow in the last year. Now, I will be the first to admit that you do not want my advice on financial matters. If you give me a dollar I will find a way to spend that dollar. I do understand the importance of saving (believe me we have learned about those "little emergencies" that pop up!). But, I just feel that it is wrong for churches to have huge bank accounts collecting interest when there are so many people in need. I will probably get myself in trouble, but I will also say I think that it is wrong for churches to spend thousands and in some cases millions of dollars on church buildings and STUFF. The same day Josh and I were talking about this we had gotten a catalog with church billboard signs that cost tens of thousands of dollars. Are you kidding me? Why don't we just write on there, "Hey, we don't really care what you're going through, but come check out our pretty new stuff!" Sorry, that's just what I think.
I'll move on. Anyway, Josh talked with our church and they agreed to the Overflow where we would buy groceries to make 150 bags and we would have everyone bring in clothes, toys, shoes, and other things that were overflowing in their houses. I'm not talking about shoes with holes or t-shirts with stains. We had some very nice things brought in. I was praying specifically for a little girl who wears a size 6 because we had some really cute dresses brought in! We also had some people bring in new toys which was very exciting. I was thrilled when Josh called me on the Thursday before the Overflow and told me that we had come in $350 under budget on the groceries and I got to go shopping for toys!!!!! You should've seen some of the looks I got at Wal-Mart! Somebody asked me if I had twins! They probably thought I had a few set of twins with the full buggy that I had. :)
I really do not share this to brag on our church. Believe me, this wasn't done to get any applause or awards. I have just been so excited about every aspect of it and wanted to share what God allowed us to do. I feel very strongly that the church as a whole has really lost focus of what our original purpose was. We have forgotten about loving people, even people who are not socially important or financially profitable for the church. We have become self-obsessed with our "stuff" and spend all of our time trying to figure out what is going with us and how exactly we can get God to bless what we are doing. We forget to be thankful for the things we have been given and we don't have good things to overflow to other people because we are running so low on them ourselves.
I preach to myself when I write this. In the last couple of months I have been so upset with myself and the bad attitude I've had, some of the anger and meaness that has overflowed from me. I know that those things don't come from nowhere, that they are the things I've chosen to let build up and overflow in my life. So, as I approach a new year I am so thankful to serve a loving God who gives second chances, not just every new year, but every second when we confess and repent. It is my goal to pursue Ephesians 4:23-24 to "be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness." I will meditate on these things, "whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is anything is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things." And, I want to practice what I've been taught. "But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. And above all things have fervent love for one another, for 'love will cover a multitude of sins'. Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God." 1Peter 4:7-9
You see, I am fully convinced that when we get this right, when we've been renewed by God, we meditate on the things He's told us to mediate on, and when we do the things He has asked us to do, we won't need million dollar signs. We are the signs. What overflows from God's people can either drown non-believers with insincerity and bitterness or we have the power to offer life, "He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water." John 7:38.
While I sat there eating trying to figure out yet another organizational system for the playroom I realized how much of my life is consumed with stuff. Especially right here at Christmas. We're either trying to figure out what stuff we need, what stuff we can and cannot pay for, what stuff we want, what stuff other people need or want. Then we spend the rest of our time stressing out about what to do with our stuff. I have probably spent an equal amount of money on containers and storage units as I have on the stuff we're putting in them! I realized at that moment 1. I am truly blessed to have so many people who have loved me and my family to give us so much stuff and 2. If God has blessed me so much I am pretty sure that it is so I can bless others as well.
So Josh and I started talking and really started discussing how God has blessed our church financially. We do not have a large congregation compared to many of the mega churches. We run between 60 and 80 most Sundays. But, God has allowed our budget to continue to grow in the last year. Now, I will be the first to admit that you do not want my advice on financial matters. If you give me a dollar I will find a way to spend that dollar. I do understand the importance of saving (believe me we have learned about those "little emergencies" that pop up!). But, I just feel that it is wrong for churches to have huge bank accounts collecting interest when there are so many people in need. I will probably get myself in trouble, but I will also say I think that it is wrong for churches to spend thousands and in some cases millions of dollars on church buildings and STUFF. The same day Josh and I were talking about this we had gotten a catalog with church billboard signs that cost tens of thousands of dollars. Are you kidding me? Why don't we just write on there, "Hey, we don't really care what you're going through, but come check out our pretty new stuff!" Sorry, that's just what I think.
I'll move on. Anyway, Josh talked with our church and they agreed to the Overflow where we would buy groceries to make 150 bags and we would have everyone bring in clothes, toys, shoes, and other things that were overflowing in their houses. I'm not talking about shoes with holes or t-shirts with stains. We had some very nice things brought in. I was praying specifically for a little girl who wears a size 6 because we had some really cute dresses brought in! We also had some people bring in new toys which was very exciting. I was thrilled when Josh called me on the Thursday before the Overflow and told me that we had come in $350 under budget on the groceries and I got to go shopping for toys!!!!! You should've seen some of the looks I got at Wal-Mart! Somebody asked me if I had twins! They probably thought I had a few set of twins with the full buggy that I had. :)
I really do not share this to brag on our church. Believe me, this wasn't done to get any applause or awards. I have just been so excited about every aspect of it and wanted to share what God allowed us to do. I feel very strongly that the church as a whole has really lost focus of what our original purpose was. We have forgotten about loving people, even people who are not socially important or financially profitable for the church. We have become self-obsessed with our "stuff" and spend all of our time trying to figure out what is going with us and how exactly we can get God to bless what we are doing. We forget to be thankful for the things we have been given and we don't have good things to overflow to other people because we are running so low on them ourselves.
I preach to myself when I write this. In the last couple of months I have been so upset with myself and the bad attitude I've had, some of the anger and meaness that has overflowed from me. I know that those things don't come from nowhere, that they are the things I've chosen to let build up and overflow in my life. So, as I approach a new year I am so thankful to serve a loving God who gives second chances, not just every new year, but every second when we confess and repent. It is my goal to pursue Ephesians 4:23-24 to "be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness." I will meditate on these things, "whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is anything is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things." And, I want to practice what I've been taught. "But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. And above all things have fervent love for one another, for 'love will cover a multitude of sins'. Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God." 1Peter 4:7-9
You see, I am fully convinced that when we get this right, when we've been renewed by God, we meditate on the things He's told us to mediate on, and when we do the things He has asked us to do, we won't need million dollar signs. We are the signs. What overflows from God's people can either drown non-believers with insincerity and bitterness or we have the power to offer life, "He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water." John 7:38.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Speaking the Truth
Maybe it's just me, but the truth seems hard to come by these days. Beyond the normal deceit of politicians or the "little white lie" about our dress size, the truth appears to be as rare and elusive as a Saturday afternoon nap. I'm talking about real truth. The painful kind. The kind that makes you think. The kind of truth that makes your heart do that flip flop thing.
Too often we are all running from the truth. If we can get one more credit card we can pretend that we can actually afford a lifestyle we've created for ourselves. If we wear the right clothes and get the right hairstyle we can convince those around us that we are confident and self-assured. If we go back to our class reunion with a thriving career it's ok if we omit the miserable failings in our relationships. And if we can pat people who are going through a hard time on the back and say "It will all be alright" then surely it will, right?
Well, I'm a recovering people pleaser, preacher's wife, hospice social worker, and mother of three. Unfortunately, most of the times when the truth has hurt me it has been because it's been handed to me in basket of anger, bitterness, jealousy,or carelessness. Despite my unfortunate run ins with the truth, I've learned something else about it along the way. It's necessary. In the same way I need to know if I have lettuce in my teeth or my jeans are too tight, I also need to know when I have areas to grow in. We all do. We could all wander around with food in our teeth and we could all continue to roam around acting immature, thoughtless, selfish, or a million other shortcomings we possess. But... here's the good news.
Too often we are all running from the truth. If we can get one more credit card we can pretend that we can actually afford a lifestyle we've created for ourselves. If we wear the right clothes and get the right hairstyle we can convince those around us that we are confident and self-assured. If we go back to our class reunion with a thriving career it's ok if we omit the miserable failings in our relationships. And if we can pat people who are going through a hard time on the back and say "It will all be alright" then surely it will, right?
Well, I'm a recovering people pleaser, preacher's wife, hospice social worker, and mother of three. Unfortunately, most of the times when the truth has hurt me it has been because it's been handed to me in basket of anger, bitterness, jealousy,or carelessness. Despite my unfortunate run ins with the truth, I've learned something else about it along the way. It's necessary. In the same way I need to know if I have lettuce in my teeth or my jeans are too tight, I also need to know when I have areas to grow in. We all do. We could all wander around with food in our teeth and we could all continue to roam around acting immature, thoughtless, selfish, or a million other shortcomings we possess. But... here's the good news.
"And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head-Christ".Ephesians 4:11-15
Isn't that wonderful? Speaking the truth in love is how we grow. It's how we become more like Christ. The same truth that bites and tears at us when spoken out of meaness, can encourage growth when spoken in love. That's what this page will be about. Everyday, the Truth changes my life and I hope to be an encourager to others who are seeking to "grow up in all things into Him who is the head-Christ."
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