First Love

I'm not really a details kinda girl. I wish I was. I wish I was one of those girls who pays extra special attention to things like fancy napkin holders or just the right accessory. Me? I am just excited when I'm dressed and we don't run out of paper plates. But something I continue to learn is that I serve a God who is all up in the details.

At the age of 15 I had a very unique experience. Our youth minister was contemplating taking our youth group to a small fishing community that had recently been hard hit by economic hardship to partner with and work with one of the churches there. I was on our youth council so my youth minister got permission for me and two of the guys on the council to travel with her to that little community and meet the pastor of that church. I still remember walking into the pastorium across the stree from First Baptist Church of Eastpoint. We met Bro. Smith and his wife and he told us about his daughter who worked as a dancer on cruise ships, and of course I thought that was the best job ever! :)  He shared some of the struggles the community was facing and told us about a man who had recently gotten saved and had an amazing testimony of how God had changed his life. Jessie was very young, maybe in his 20's or 30's and unfortunately had also just been put on hospice. That was my first experience with hospice. I honestly don't know that I really had any idea what it was, I just knew Jessie was dying.

My youth group ending spending several weekends there working with a food ministry that took food to people in the neighborhood and we eventually spent a whole week helping with their Vacation Bible School. It was at that church that I had my first opportunity to lead someone to Christ. It was actually 2 sisters and it is something I will never forget. It was also my first opportunit to grasp that young people died. And to meet a brother and sister who were probably close to the ages of Sarah and Eli who lived in a house with a dirt floor. For real. A dirt floor. It was all new to the 15 year old me who had grown up quite comfortably middle class with  my own bedroom, after school activities and still intact family. It's kind of hard now to remember what it felt like when those things were new to me. When they were shocking. But they were. And they broke my heart. I just fell in love with that little community and it was there that God began to speak to my heart about a call to full-time ministry. I LOVED ministering to those people and sharing Jesus with them.

At that time I had no idea what that looked like. I'm Baptist, so I knew I couldn't preach.  :) My parents just knew it meant I would become a missionary and  move to Africa, and as cool as that still seems to me, I never really felt like that was the call on my life. I would avoid that call by trying out 2 different majors. Josh would help me avoid that call by also avoiding his call for several years. Then, it happened. We had been married 5 years and had 2 babies. A friend asked Josh to preach for him one night and that was it. I knew it. I still remember the exact spot on the road we were driving as we made our way to Wendy's for supper after church. And Josh told me he was supposed to preach.

That would begin a whirlwind of plans and lack of plans and moving and big changes. We packed up with two kids under the age of 4 and moved into a 100 year old farmhouse that I had to refloor just for it to be liveable. I started working as social worker making less than half of what Josh had been making. We were called to a church and served there for 3 years before God led us back to Florida. They were hard years. If you read my blog during that time you know. We faced some tough times, times that would have been tough no matter where we were or what we were doing. But anyone in ministry knows that tyring to begin ministry is a challenging and trying time in and of itself. Not to mention, we were both youngins'. 

Now, would you believe that God has brought us to a church that is 45 minutes from that little fishing community I fell in love with? The truth is, I didn't just fall in love with the community there, I fell in love with my Savior there. The opportunities I had to serve Him there drew me so much closer to Him and gave me such a love for a God who allowed me to serve Him even when I was so unworthy. The community I am in now is not so different from Eastpoint. It's a fishing town. Many of the kids in our neighborhood remind me of the kids we met so many summers ago. To top it off, you will never believe who walked in the doors of our church several months ago. Bro. Smith. He is retired now and lives here. He had heard that my husband is a pastor and he and his wife have been attending out church. It's the wildest thing to me. We do not have a single conversation with other people that he does not talk about the work we did in Eastpoint all that time ago and how great it was. We were talking about it with some people tonight and I was sharing how awesome it is to me to once again feel connected to that time in my life when God first called me to full-time ministry. I joked that I had NO idea at that age that I would be a preacher's wife and that honestly, I didn't know if I would ever be anybody's wife!! It's the truth though. Preacher's Wife was not on my radar of future life callings. And yet, here I am.

So much has changed since I was 15. Like the crow's feet around my eyes and the stretch marks on my stomach. Like that I found a boy who not only would speak to me, but decided he wanted to marry me. On a much deeper level, I have known pain and heartache that I did not know was possible at the age of 15. I've also learned to love in a way that I couldn't at that age. Unfortunately though, I realize that the love and excitement I had for my Savior and the work He has called me to is often overshadowed by the stress and routine of everyday life. The disappointments and trials of ministry are easily overwhelming and can cause one to put up walls and to push away from the very thing God is calling you to do. I think that for me, God knew I needed Him to put me exactly where I am and to bring Bro. Smith back into my life at this exact time to remind me of the 15 year old me who loved Him passionately and wanted nothing more than to serve Him. Before I was a social worker. Before I was a wife and mom. Before I was a preacher's wife. I just need to remember my first love.

"I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first."
Revelation 2:19

How I pray that will be said of me!