She Did the Best She Could...

In case I haven't mentioned it, we live across the street from the cemetary. What can I say? It is one of the perks of being the preacher's family and living in the pastorium. It seems to weird some people out, but I have to tell you they haven't bothered us one bit! I guess we can blame the fear everyone has of dead people on those trashy horror movies, but really, I have found that it is the living people we always seem to have trouble with. Have you noticed that? You never hear about a dead person holding up a gas station or causing a school shooting do you? Just a thought.

So, we are fine with our neighbors. In fact, I don't even have blinds on our dining room window that faces the cemetary. As we dine and enjoy each other's company we overlook the cemetary. The honest truth is that I just don't think about it that much. One day a grave digging crew was over there and they were blasting some rap music. It was at that point that I told Josh I was going to give him a playlist of music I want the grave diggers to play when it's my turn. Not that I will be there or know anything about it, but if the whole neighborhood is going to have to listen to it I want it to be something I would approve of!

Well, I have seriously gotten off subject ( I know you are wondering what my subject was in the first place!), so I will tell you why I am discussing graves. Today is Good Friday. It is the day that Christians remember Jesus' sacrificial death on the cross. It is always a hard day for me. There is so much excitement around the resurrection Sunday (as there should be!), but sometimes I feel that this day gets overlooked. I think about the cemetary for two reasons today. One, today was the day my Savior died and didn't even have a tomb to be buried in. And two, I am reminded of one of the headstones my mother in law discovered while touring the Montrose cemetary. It was an old headstone of a woman that said, "SHE DID THE BEST SHE COULD". We had a good laugh about it. Especially after we figured out she was a preacher's wife! We joked that the it should have also included "WITH WHAT SHE HAD TO WORK WITH". How I can relate. I spend so many days feeling like I've done the best I can and it is still so far from the best that was needed.

I don't know if you have gathered this from me, but I am pretty hard on myself. I expect a lot. When I was working I did not understand why I couldn't spend quality time with all 40 of my patients, have my paperwork done perfectly, keep my house immaculate, throw lavish dinner parties, train my children in the way they should go, and give my husband my full attention when we finally had a moment of peace together. Now that I'm at home I still can't keep my house immaculate, I feel totally intimidated by other homeschooling parents who have rigorous schedules and impressive projects, and I still don't make time to minister to our church members the way I should. Those are just all of my physical shortcomings. When you add my laziness, short temper, critical spirit, and a whole host of other sins I fight with constantly, it is so easy to feel like I'm really not even doing the best I can. I know I constantly wonder, 'When will I be good enough?'

Can I share something with you? I won't be. Not on this earth. I wish desperately that I could head over to that graveyard right this second and dig a hole to bury all of my faults, sins, and problems. Then I could proudly display a sign that said "NOW SHE'S GOT IT ALL TOGETHER!" Of course, I can't do that. At least not physically. But spiritually, I already have. You see, if we are believers who have accepted Jesus into our hearts we have to understand that is what our baptism represented. That is what this day represents.

Josh was working on a sermon a few weeks ago and asked me what I thought it meant when Jesus said "It is finished!"
(John 19:30). John McArthur notes in his study Bible that "The single Greek word here (translated "it is finished") has been found in the papyri being placed on receipts for taxes meaning "paid in full" (see Colossians 3:13-14)". PAID IN FULL. I have to tell you that this girl with student loan debt would literally jump and do cartwheels if I received a letter saying that debt was PAID IN FULL!!!!!!! Can you imagine? But that is exactly what Jesus did for us spiritually. He paid the debt that our sin created.

We celebrate life in our society. Well, I hope that we still do. In any case, very rarely do you see someone celebrate death. It is scary, painful, unknown. But today, I celebrate this death. This death that gave us life. I stand in awe of the love my savior had for me that He would die on a cross, so that my sins would die with him. You see, He knew that no matter how much I did the best that I could that it would never be good enough. When He said "It is finished!" what it meant to me is that my struggle is finished. My victory is won. I am no longer a slave to my sin. I am no longer a victim of death. In Christ I live!!!!

"Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been unified together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 6:4-11