He Didn't See Me

We are on day 7 of the new school year and I am proud to announce that I have a routine. Anyone who knows me knows that is like stating I have the cure for all the world's problems or something equally crazy. In the past a routine has been something I could only dream of. The only constant in our lives was change. Can anybody relate? Well, the main part of my routine revolves around dropping the kids off at school. Kate is going everyday from 7:55 until 11:00 and I have to sign her in every morning. That means no more pajama pant, hair pulled back drop offs in the kiss and go lane. I have to GET OUT of the car and appear in public. That means I have to make sure I am up not only in time give my kids breakfast and round up shoes, I have to actually make myself presentable for public viewing. Well, the good part of that is that once I put on make-up and fix my hair, I'm up. No temptation to crawl back in bed as soon as I get home. (Not yet.) So, I decided that I no longer have any excuses for puny quiet times with God. I won't lie, it's been rough in the past. I've always heard how valuable it is for your kids to see you reading your Bible and praying and I agree. But I had reached a point where I DESPERATELY needed "quiet" time with God. No cartoons in the background. No trips to the fridge in between verses. No tugs on my arm and "Mommy, mommy, mommy" while I pray.

The thing is, I know that even with the kids out of the house for a few hours, I could still find plenty of things to distract me. The TV. FB. I've even been guilty of sitting at the dining room table and constantly thinking I needed to load the dishwasher or wipe down the counters. But, I cannot do those things first or I will get totally distracted and never sit down. I'm tellin' ya, I'm a hnadful. So, I came to the conclusion that I needed to go somewhere to have my quiet time. Preferably somewhere quiet that would not remind me of household chores. Last week, I found my spot.

I know the Bible talks about mansions in Heaven, but I would be content with a swing hanging from a tree branch. That's just me. I discovered this little spot and decided it was for me. I've started heading there every morning as soon as I drop the kids off at school. I never knew I could feel so comfortable sitting and praying in a public place. I've read more of my Bible in the last week than I had probably read in the last month. It has become the highlight of my day. This is my view.

Well, I don't share this to make you think I'm super spiritual or to frustrate you if you are a Mom of little ones who only gets quiet time if you wear earplugs. I've been there. And I survived. :)  But the truth is that having this time to spend with God has shown me just how much I've missed that time with Him. Lately I've just had such a yearning to be in His presence. I went through a season (or 5) that I felt like He was really humbling me and teaching me about serving others. But I realized that I had reached a point of just trying to serve Him, but not necessarily seek Him the way I once had. It has become my mission to seek to spend quality time with Him, not just feel like I'm checking off another chore on my checklist.

Well, my spot has turned out to not be as quiet and isolated as I thought. There are usually at least 3 or 4 boaters taking off at the marina. And recently a prison work crew has started coming through. I've been able to press on. Then, today a guy was cutting the grass. Even that didn't bother me until he got close enough with the riding lawn mower to kick dirt on me. He stopped and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there." I wanted to say, "Seriously?" I was sure my poof of frizzy hair could be seen from across the bay. But I just smiled and told him it was fine. And even though I ended up leaving because I felt like I was holding him up from finishing, that moment spoke to me. It dawned on me that ultimately my goal as a Christian is to know God and then for other to see Him in me. How many times do people not see God in my life because they can't get past me? My faults, my shortcomings, my insecurities. How many times do I strive for people to see MY  accomplishments, MY personality or MY talents? 

Thanks to the lawn mower guy, I have a new prayer. Lord, please don't let them see me. Just you.

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

2 Corinthians 4:6