Resume Writing With Doofus (I Mean Me)

There are times when I wonder if I've completely lost my ability to think, and then there are time I prove it to myself. Today would be one of those days. I found myself needing to work on a resume and for some reason that creates a sense of panic in me that is equaled only by the idea of taking all 3 of my children into an antique store. I am horrible with resumes 1. Because I can never remember important things, like dates or info. about former employers and 2. Despite having numerous jobs I still have no idea what I am qualified to do. At this point in life wipin' hineys and washing clothes are my most used skills.

So, I enlisted Josh's help. He's worked in management and is really good at knowing the fancy things to write that sound good. Here is how our session went:

Me: What about this one? (Pointing to template covered in flowers and several colors)
Josh: No

Josh: You need to change the font your name is in.
Me: How about this one? (Chooses fancy script)
Josh: No
Me: I like this one. (Chooses cartoony block letters)
Josh: No
Me: Should I just get Times New Roman?
Josh: No
Me: Okay, let's move on.

Josh: Use bullets for your qualifications.
Me: I guess you can't use smiley faces on a resume?
Josh: No.

Josh: Don't forget to list your AA degree.
Me: Oh yeah. I always forget I have that. (Seriously. Who forgets stuff like that??)
Josh: Spell it out.
Me: How do you spell out AA? (Yes, I really did ask that.)
Josh: *looks at me bewildered and befuddled*
Before he could say "Here's your sign!" I answered "Oh yeah! Associate of Arts!"
Josh: *Smiles proudly and gives me the look we give Eli when he counts to ten or Kate when she sits on the potty.*

What can I say? This is my brain on kids. In case you are wondering why I'm working on a resume I will let you in on a little secret. When we found out we were moving I started researching and learned that there is no dance studio here in our town. That meant I would have to drive the girls 45 minutes (I know one day I will learn there is a spiritual application for why we have to live 45 minutes from everything) for dance classes. I really started praying that if it was His Will God would open the door for me to teach dance here. So crazy, I know. I've been praying and really trying to figure out how in the world I could open a dance studio here. For a girl like me, not having a dance studio in town is equal to not having a gas station. :) Well, a couple of nights ago I got a text message from my Mom that said there is a brand new dance studio opening here and they are looking for teachers!

I talked with the owner today and I'm supposed to send my resume. (Y'all pray about that, 'k?) :) She is planning to have some judges she knows from competitions her daughters have participated in to come watch the people she chooses to interview dance and teach a class. The thought of that is so nervewracking I could puke right this very minute. (Sorry, that was gross.) I am just excited because even if it doesn't work out for me to teach my girls will have a studio here. And if it does work out, that will just be a cherry on top. :)

So, let's recap:

• Today I learned how to spell Associate of Arts (Go ahead, ask. I know you are wondering what cracker jack box I got my degree from. :)


• I haven't danced in over 9 years and I am going to have to choreograph a dance and PERFORM it in front of judges.


• I am crazy. But that goes without saying, right?
  
• Why aren't there smiley face bullets on Blogger?

• I'm thinking of using this outfit for my tryout. What do you think???


• Do they make tutus with Spanx???????