Weddings on the Brain....

I've been thinking a lot about weddings lately and unfortunately I realized tonight it must have been a subconscious thing. I totally forgot today was my sister's wedding anniversary. I forget EVERY single year. I feel terrible about it. The weddings on my brain could also be due to the fact that I missed church Sunday night because I was sick and ended up watching a marathon of shows called Rich Bride/Poor Bride and Platinum Weddings. I know, if I was a good preacher's wife I would tell you that I spent that time in intensive Bible study. I should've. The thing is, we didn't have cable for the whole 3 years we were in Mississippi b/c we would have had to have a satellite and we decided to get one for the internet instead. Well, anyway, I did not miss TV at all while we were there, but as soon as I turn it on now I get totally sucked in. It's terrible.

When Josh and I took our "honeymoon" last year there was a night that I stayed up after he fell asleep and watched a show called "Intervention". Have you see this? It is the saddest, most depressing, saddest, and did I mention saddest? show I've ever seen. It's about families confronting their loved ones who have addictions, and I tell ya, only I could end up on my honeymoon staying up half the night bawling my eyes out watching this show.

Well, I've learned my lesson and I don't even start watching that show, but Sunday I did not know better and I allowed myself to get sucked into the excess, pouting, fit throwing and party throwing known as reality wedding shows. This is thing. I am so over weddings. Really, I loved my wedding and had a lot of fun planning it, but by the time the 9 months of planning were coming to a close, I would have been content to wear a garbage bag in a back alley as long as it meant I would get to leave as Mrs. Joshua Fidler. Seriously. There was a time when I worried that I would miss the planning portion of that event, but I didn't. Not once. It was not a bad experience at all, I was just over it, you know? So, I normally don't watch those shows, but I just happened to stumble across one and then you know what happened. 8 episodes later I was sitting in the recliner thanking God I don't have any weddings to plan in the near future and wanting to put some brides in the time-out chair. Really, shouldn't people have to at least have the emotional maturity of an 8 year old before they get married?

I won't get started on that soapbox, but all of this thinkin' about weddings did make me miss one thing. Not the dress, the cake or the flowers. Not even the gifts. I started missing that phase in the relationship. That excitement, that time when all Josh and I wanted out of life was just to be together. I was not lying when I said all that mattered to me was to be Mrs. Joshua Fidler. I was 20 years old the day I received that title, and 9 years later I am still exaclty where I want to be. With him. Of course, now being with him includes 3 kids, a dog, a church congregation, and assorted neighborhood children who stop by for supper. :) It's crazy to me that we thought getting married would give us more time together! As the villain from Scooby-Doo would say, "If it weren't for those meddling children and pesky jobs our plan would have worked!" Ha!

I guess what I'm getting at is that I miss the days when it was just all about us. Watching the brides plan their weddings and stress out about place settings and throw fits to get a $4,000 cake (btw, once she saw the cake at her reception she kept leaning against the 5 foot stand it was on and I just couldn't watch because I knew that if she had my luck that cake was going to end up either on the floor or on her) I wanted to tell them, "Just enjoy your fiance. Just be thankful for this person who loves you." One of the brides was given $125,000.00 worth of jewelry by her fiance for her wedding day and I thought, 'Should I feel jipped that I didn't get that?' I don't guess I should, because I don't. First of all, I can't keep up with $10 jewelry I get from Wal-Mart. Secondly, it wouldn't matter if it was 125 million dollars worth of jewelry, it wouldn't matter to me if it weren't from Josh. (Although if someone feels led to bless me with that jewelry, Josh and I would both appreciate it. :)

I couldn't think about my relationship with my groom, without thinking about my relationship with Jesus. Is that weird? I know it might be to some people, but it is actually the kind of relationship the Bible compares our relationship with God to. Hosea 2: 19 says, " I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord." Earlier in verse 16 we are told ,"And it shall be in that day,' says the Lord, 'That you will call Me 'My Husband', And no longer call Me 'My Master".

I didn't marry Josh because he gave me millions in jewels, and I also didn't marry him to serve as his slave. I married him because I didn't want to spend a day of life without him. In the same way I don't follow Jesus becasue He blesses me or gives me everything I want. And He didn't die for me so that I could be His slave. He died for me so that I wouldn't have to spend a day without Him. The reason I serve Josh and my Bridegroom is because there is lots of work to be done here on this earth. Sometimes, as a wife and in ministry, it is easy to feel like a servant. To do things out of obligation and necessity. My prayer is that I still do it because I love both of them like crazy and at the end of the day I just want to be with them. And the times we get to wear fancy clothes and eat cake are really sweet bonuses. :)