Thinking....

I think too much. It's a problem I've always suffered from. Now, granted, I did not say that I have deep, life changing thoughts. I just think too much. Sometimes I do ponder theological debates. Sometimes I visually repaint rooms in my house and decide what throw pillows would match. And sometimes I think I'm hungry. If you conversate with me regularly you know that this pattern of thoughts comes across in my conversation and it moves quickly. I will never claim to be the most focused of people.

That's why I'm up tonight. Thinking. There are always so many things to think about. I truly do not understand when people say they are bored because I literally am entertained by my own thoughts on a constant basis. I've been sick this past week, not dangerously deathly ill, just sick enough to have nothing else to do but think. That IS dangerous and I really struggle when I feel bad physically because for some reason it always gets me so down in other ways.

A familiar struggle is the universal "What is my purpose? Why am I here?" question. I often struggle with this question and wondering what God's plan for me entails. I have tried to adjust to the fact that He so far has chosen to reveal His plan to me one little jigsaw piece of the puzzle at a time. And...I know that it is best. If when God had first called me to ministry at the age of 15 He had revealed to me that I would be a preacher's wife living in the parking lot of a church in the middle of nowhere and have three kids I probably would have immediately signed up to study abroad and would have RUN!!!!! Not that I don't love my life or that I would trade it for anything, I just know that God has slowly had to prepare me for each step of life. Not only that, but He has gotten the glory all along the way (I hope!).

And yet, even though we have been through this so many times, I still wonder. Am I where I'm supposed to be? Am I serving God the best I can? Is there something I'm missing? Most likely this excessive self-analysis can be attributed to too many sick days with not enough socialization :). But, I also know that it is necessary. I know that it is when I stop questioning or stop caring that it becomes very easy to slip through the carefully woven plan God has.

I am taking peace now in a verse that I feel speaks what my purpose and my promise will always be.

"You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy." Psalm 16:11

As long as we seek God He is faithful to show us the path. And no matter what specific calling God places on our life we have fullness of joy when we are in His presence. He simply wants us to seek Him, to worship Him and to find our joy in Him. That is something to think about!!