Yes, It Applies To You

Kate came home from school excitedly telling me about Mrs. B's paddle. "It's hard" she told me, with a smile on her face. I nodded and smiled for a second until a lightbulb came on and I looked at Josh. He gave me the look that says, yes, it is what you are thinking. "Did you get paddled?" I asked incredulously. It wasn't registering. It couldn't be real. Surely this was not for real. She must have seen someone else get paddled. She put her head down with a look of shame and Josh confirmed it. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I don't pretend that any of my kids are perfect saints, but Kate has had a smiley face everyday since school started. A paddling was a far fall. Didn't we at least get a frowny face warning? I just stared at Josh, my jaw hanging. He explained to me that when he went to pick Kate up he told her to pick her coat up off the floor. She wouldn't do it. She set her heels in and gave him what we've termed "the Kate Face". That went on for a few minutes until her teacher told her to pick it up and she wouldn't listen to her either. She then took Kate into her office for a talking to. Still didn't work. Mrs. B told Josh that since he was there he could handle the situation, but because it was school and there were so many people around that it might be better if she did.

I won't lie. I cried. All I could think was that it was a good thing I wasn't there. At first I didn't know how I felt about it. I had JUST had a conversation with someone a few days earlier about how I don't mind other people disciplining my kids, but I prefer that they let me do the spanking. At some point Josh said, "We signed the paper saying our kids could be paddled...." and I found myself thinking, 'Yeah, but I never thought they would be!!' And at that moment a truth that God has been dealing with me a great deal about came to life. Basically what I was saying was that I understand the need for consequences, I just don't expect them to apply to me.

I'm not sure why I would struggle with that. Consequences have always applied for me. I was always the kid who was good 99% of the time, but the one time I talked in class I got caught. My very first speeding ticket was in a small town and instead of giving a terrified 18 year old girl a warning, they TOOK MY LICENSE and I balanced the town's budget that year. The second, and only other ticket I've gotten, was because of an expired license plate that I couldn't fix because the bank didn't have the official title to the jeep or something crazy like that. I ended up having to take 3 kids under the age of six to court. To court, y'all!!! Anyway, what I'm saying is, I've experienced some consequences in my day. But I can honestly tell you that it is 50 trillion times worse to see your kids suffer negative consequences. You know that saying, "This is gonna hurt me more than you"? It is for real. It hurts my heart to discipline my kids. To take things away from them or keep them from doing things they want to do.

I am blessed. For the most part my kids are very well behaved. Except for when they're getting paddled at school. :) It is not often I have to discipline them That hasn't always been true. Anyone who experienced the toddlerhood of Sarah Beth Fidler knows that she put the strong will in the strong willed child. There were days I was pretty sure all I did was get on to her. There were days my 3 year old was physically stronger than me. If you don't believe that can be possible try putting one in a car seat while they arch their back. There were days other people gave me the "I'm so sorry for you" look. But we made it, and Sarah makes me proud every second of her life. She still has a strong will, but it has been molded. She still has to deal with some consequences like not having friends over if she hasn't cleaned her room, but she has come a long way. And she taught me something very important. There are no "Good kids" or "Bad kids". The Bible tells us we are all born with a sinful nature and that just makes us human. We all make good decisions and bad decisions. We all have to face consequences to teach us to make more good decisions than bad ones.

I've said for a while now that Kate was going to be rotten. She is my baby and I will admit that I am way more laid back with her. Mostly out of exhaustion. :)  Not really. Her strong will has always manifested itself differently than Sarah's and it usually shows up with what she won't do, as opposed to what she will. I guess this week was just the wake up call I needed that I'm not doing her any favors if I let her avoid consequences. I have a responsibility to teach each of my children that it doesn't matter if you're cute, it doesn't matter if you're the preacher's kid, and it doesn't matter if it makes your Mama cry. If you mess up, you've got to face the music. Yes, even at the age of 4. Especially at the age of 4. I realized early on with Sarah that if we didn't let her know who the boss was when she was 2, she would for sure be the boss when she is 16. And that was not happening!!

Unfortunately, the lesson of reaping what you sow is not limited to childhood. I am ashamed of the times I have whined to God and said, "But I'm a preacher's wife! I do this and I do that! I've always tried to do the right thing."  I then usually turn to pointing out other people who haven't faced the same consequences even if  they've deserved them. (Turns out I'm rotten, too.) God is not impressed with this. He always reminds me of Hebrews 12:10. "They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness."

It's for my good? Yep. You mean I can't share in God's holiness if I always get my way and never have to face the consequences of anything I do? Nope. You see, I am a recipient of so much more mercy than I could ever deserve. That's the point. Mercy is God NOT giving us what we deserve. As in, hell. The truth is,  He has shown even more mercy than that. There are plenty of things I've done that I haven't paid the full consequences of. But for the times when I've had to deal with the messes I've made, it was good. It was for my good. Because He loves me with a true love that won't leave me where I am. He loves me in a way that cares more about the person I become than my temporary happiness. He loves me enough to discipline me, even if it hurts Him more than it hurts me.

Yes, I've known grace and mercy. But the rules still apply to me. And to each of us. And it's a good thing.