I'm So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog is About Me...

Here is another one of those confessions I was telling you about. I am so incredibly vain. Well, I'm not sure if it is vanity or extreme insecurity disguised as obsessive vanity. Either way, I need help.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this here or not but I am to be a bridesmaid in my sister-in-law Leah's wedding on the 4th of July. She was incredibly gracious and picked the most gorgeous dress that is flattering even on my fluffy figure. However, in preparation for the bazillion of pictures that accompany weddings I would still like to lose 30 pounds, get a tan, and whiten my teeth. Yea, it's not gonna happen. I am slowly dealing with that reality.

After seeing my sister, who had come from Alaska, and realizing she was more tan than me, I decided I had to take action. Kate was asleep and the other two wanted to play outside so I snatched up a book and headed out to the trampoline to lay out. It was roughly 120 degrees and the sun was so bright I couldn't open my eyes to see the book. At one point I heard the grass move under me and I cannot even tell you how scared I was or that I planned to just stay on that trampoline until I could scream loud enough for Josh to come get me. I was sure that I had melted away at least 20 of those pounds when two of the girls from church came to get the keys to decorate their VBS room. Yes, two high school girls were sacrificing their summer day to prepare for VBS and the preacher's wife was tanning on the trampoline reading a novel. Oh the vanity! In reality my legs just turned red and most of that was from bug bites. I'm still itching.

So, I'm still white and fluffy. I have not managed to achieve my goals, but I have mangaed to pass down my vanity to my children. Sunday morning I was determined that we were going to make it through the whole service. Josh had been excited about his Father's Day sermon and I wanted to hear it. I even decided that if Kate had to rummage through my entire purse to make it through then I would let her. The first part of service went really well. She sang when we sang. Eli usually just colors or plays with his cars but he even stood up with the hymnal. I was so proud. Pride always comes before the fall doesn't it?? Josh started preaching and that's always when the drama starts. Kate found my compact mirror in my purse and decided that was what she wanted. She just stared at herself for the longest time. I immediately began repenting that my vanity was such that it had rubbed off on my almost 2 year old. But let's face it, if you were as cute as Kate you would probably want to stare at yourself in the mirror too, right? :)

All was fine until Eli decided HE wanted the mirror. Really, I guess I need to provide all of my children with their own personal mirrors so they can admire themselves at all times. :) The struggle was on until finally Kate chunked the thing into the aisle. Fabulous. Nothing like flying mirrors from the preacher's kids to add to the preacher's sermon on fathers. The man in front of us retrieved the mirror and gave it back to me. The glass wasn't broken but the compact was. Sarah decided she needed to start grabbing for it so she could fix it. All 3 of my kids were fighting over a mirror. Oh the vanity!!!! And the insanity!!!

We did make it through that service and somehow I found the strength to go back Sunday night. Eli is 4 now and apparently 4 year old boys feel the need to run everywhere. (Please tell me it is just a 4 year old boy thing!!!) I reached out to stop him and leaned down to tell him to stop. When I did he jerked his head up and hit me in the nose. I just knew my nose was broken. My eyes were watering and wouldn't stop. It hurt soo bad! I should have made sure his head was okay. I didn't. I just thought, 'I have to be in a wedding in two weeks and my nose is broken!' Shameful!! I know I am shameful! I felt like it was some kind of lesson. I was thinking, 'Here I was worried about getting a tan and now I'm gonna be in pictures with a nose cast!!!!!!!!!' Wouldn't that be cute? Well, I could get a white cast to blend in with my skin. :)

So, my nose is not broken, just a little swollen. I feel that I've learned a big lesson about my vanity and I'm really coming along. I was just wondering though....does anybody know how to apply self-tanner without streaks? :)