Heavy on my heart...

It is WAY late and I have had a night full of tball, Relay for Life, barbecue sandwiches, nachos, and Hawaiian Punch slushies. I may be a *little* biased, but I do believe I gave birth to three extremely talented children. My mother in law said it is okay to be prideful if you're a mom. She can't prove it in scripture, she just says it is so. :) Eli was a rock star at tball and Sarah shone at her little dance recital at Relay for Life. Kate drank 3 capri suns, ate two bags of chips and a cookie. She cheered the tball team on. She's just too stinkin' cute! (BTW please don't report me for overdosing my child on sugar and junk. I promise it was only a special occasion tonight.)

Despite the fun and the excitement of our week I have had some things that have been heavy on my heart that I felt I needed to share.Josh has finals coming up on Monday and I have the feeling I may not be seeing the computer for awhile! I'll warn you...this may get long. I've had a lot on my mind!

Thursday, May 7, was the National Day of Prayer. It's a day set aside for governement officials, pastors, church leaders, and really everyone to join together in prayer. I have had so many areas in my life that I have been dealing with that I thought I would share them with you and ask that if you feel led you might join me in praying for these specific things. If you would like to share, I would also love to hear and help you pray about the things that are heavy on your heart.

* Church leadership
As most of you know I am a pastor's wife and so obviously the topic of church leadership is one close to my heart. A burden I have had lately has been to pray that Josh would grow in boldness, wisdom, and courage. I feel that as our country becomes more and more hostile to Christian beliefs that not only Josh, but all of our church leaders will need the courage and boldness to proclaim the gospel purely and without apology. I pray that our leaders would seek the same boldness the apostles sought when they prayed, "Now, Lord, look on their threats, and grant to Your servants that with all boldness they may speak Your word, by stretching out Your hand to heal, and that signs and wonders may be done through the name of Your holy Servant Jesus.' And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke the word of God with boldness." (Acts 4:30-31)
I have also felt burdened to pray for our leaders that their hearts and minds will stay focused or return to focus on the work that God has called them to do. I know that it is easy to slip away from a calling, to be lured into an area that offers greater success, financial gain, or more recognition. I sincerely pray that God will strengthen those He has called to remain faithful to the calling of making disciples, baptizing them, and teaching them to observe ALL things that Jesus has commanded. (Matthew 28:19-20).
Finally, I pray for our church leaders to have hearts that are broken by the condition of the world and the condition of so many people. I pray that ministry would not be about numbers or financial statements or church politics. I pray that pastors would do as it says in the book of Joel chapter 2 verse 17, "Let the priests, who minister to the LORD, weep between the porch and the altar". I pray that not just church leaders but all Christians would truly weep over and care about people and seek God's mercy on their behalf.
I do not share any of these prayer requests in a way that is meant to tear someone down. I truly have felt led to pray these things because I know the weight of the responsibility our leaders carry and I also know the spiritual battle that is warring in their lives. The enemy knows that if he can attack our leaders and lead them astray or bring them down, we will all go with them. I know that I need to be more consistent in my prayer life and lifting these leaders up in my prayers.

* My Own Issues
There have been several issues that I have been working through and I value your insights and prayers. First, as I struggle with these things I realize that I do not know as much as I thought I did. :) Shocking to you all I am sure! As much as I wish that I had all of the answers and could live a perfect example of Christ for you all, I know I fall very short. I had actually quit blogging about spiritual issues as much because I have recently become petrified that I might say something that is wrong or unbiblical or just that I'm not as sure as I thought I was. Nothing would be worse to me than to mislead someone in scripture. So, please always feel free to correct me or question me if you feel that I write something that is not in line with
God's Word or that maybe just needs some clarification.
With that said, the first issue I am praying about is my role as a woman in the church, in ministry in general, and in my home. This is such a controversial subject, especially in our very feminist, gender neutral culture. There is so much that could be said on this subject, but what I am specifically praying over are the words in Titus 2. This chapter uses words like "chaste", "discreet", "homemakers", "good" and, are you ready for this one? "Obedient to their own husbands". *Collective gasp*. Yes, girls you read the right. I'm for real, that is what it says. In case you are reading this and do not know me, you may immediately decide that I have a 4th grade education, have never cut my hair, have 25 children, and speak only when spoken too. Of course, those of you who know me know that is definitely not true! Unfortunately, I am afraid that this is one area where the church has fallen to the sway of culture. Even "church people" seem to find it offensive that God's Word would say such a thing. God has impressed on my heart the need to pray that I would learn how important these qualities are. The verses in Titus 2 go on to say that we should be all of these things, "that the word of God may not be blasphemed." This is serious stuff here. I believe that these verses mean that when we are the opposite of these characteristics it not only causes problems in our homes, it actually mocks God and brings shame to Him. There is such a push now to have a ministry, go on a mission trip, write a book, save the world. God may very well be calling you to do one of those things. But I believe as women we miss the most important calling, which is to be a woman of God. To teach other women through our lives what it means to love our husbands and our children and to serve others. So, I am praying a great deal about this. In the society we live in with so many broken and dysfunctional homes I realize what an awesome opportunity and responsibilty it is to be a wife and a mom. Titus 2 implies that women are teachers of excellent things. How I pray that I will take this role as seriously as it really is. That I will make it my top priority above selfish ambitions or societal expectations. No~it is not politically correct, but it is my prayer.

Next, is giving God my all. It is tempting at times to think that since I packed up and left my hometown and my family and later gave up my career all in the effort to follow God that I am good in this respect. I've done my best, given my all. But....at the end of the day I know it is just not true. Actually, I'm not even talking about the big stuff here. I'm talking about the everyday, run of the mill, seems to have no significance stuff. Here is where God got me. Proverbs 31:13 is talking about The Virtuous Wife and says she "willingly works with her hands". Did you catch that willingly part? That "willingly" word has been working on me hard. Do you ever find yourself throwing dishes in the dishwasher while you grumble under your breath about how you're the only one who does anything? Yea, me too. I have to tell you that this one little verse has been such a challenge to me. I've started praying now that I can do as Ephesians 6:7 tells us and "serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men." I believe that life takes on a whole new meaning when we begin to think about everything we do as an act of service to Jesus our King. It goes so against our human nature to want to serve others above ourselves or to devote our time to tasks that seem trivial. But, I have become convinced that if we want to see a change in our country, schools, and all of those other places we pray for, we have to want a change in us. We have to want to represent our Savior in a way that is pleasing to Him and shows the world that we are different. This quote from "Writer to Writer" by Bodie and Brock Thoene speaks volumes to me. "Christians cannot afford to be satisfied with anything second-rate. For too long we have made allowances for less than superior quality, comforting ourselves with the thought that if something was 'done in a good cause,' then a less stringent measure of performance could be applied. For this reason a world of unbelievers, who we say we want to attract to Jesus, have come to associate Christianity with mediocrity." OUCH!! As the people here like to say, that stepped all over my toes! Lord, please help me offer more than mediocrity in my life! I struggle so much in this area and would really appreciate your prayers!
Finally, (I know if you are still reading you never thought this moment would come) speaking of a change in us that is my greatest prayer right now. A few months back I read a book by Jerry B. Jenkins titled "Riven". It is a fiction novel and I won't say too much about it if you want to read it, but I will just say that for some reason that book sparked a desire in my heart for revival. Now, don't get me wrong, we are good Baptists and we have revival services planned starting May 17, but I'm talking about a real, true revival. I often hear people say that this country needs revival or our church needs revival. I agree. But, when I started praying earnestly for revival do you know what started happening? God started revealing things to me. I wish I could say they were super awesome spiritual visions. It wasn't. He started revealing my sin. Sins that I didn't even know I had. Things in my life I never really thought were "that bad". Trust me, even though it is late and I am rambling, I'm not about to have confession here on the blogger. I just write this to say that I have been struggling. Struggling in God's Word. Struggling to see who God is calling me to be. Struggling to understand how to be "in the world, but not of it". I would love to hear your ideas on this. All I know is that God is showing me that to move forward in my walk with Him I have to continually be willing to leave behind the baggage of this world. It is hard. We are so immersed in ungodly culture that at times it is difficult to have any idea what a life on this earth completely surrendered to God even looks like. But man I really pray for that life!! Deuteronomy 7:6 reminds us "For you are a holy people to the LORD your God; the LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples on the face of the earth." Will you join me in praying that we will truly become a holy people? Not holier than thou. Not self-righteous, judgemental, or legalistic. But holy as the Lord is holy. What does that mean? I know for me it means I need to work on being okay with being different. If I am truly living my life the way that God commands me to there will be people who do not understand, people who do not like it and people who will persecute it. That is when revival will come!!!!!!!