That hurt my feelings!

Eli didn't want to go to church on Sunday. He had slept in and I figured he was just Christmas jet-lagged. He started crying and not wanting to get to dressed. I kind of knew how he felt, I was feeling a little jet-lagged myself. That was very unusual for him though because he usually loves to go to church. He didn't have a fever or any other signs of illness. I asked him "What hurts?" You'll never guess his answer. He answered in his tearful, pouty lip way, "My feelings!"


Ha! I had to laugh. I also had to admire his honesty. Let's face it, how many times do we want to avoid life because our feelings hurt? I'm still not sure exactly what hurt Eli's feelings except that I told him to get dressed and he was not in the mood. I'm afraid Eli has inherited part of my personality. You see when I was little I was what they called a "sensitive" child. It didn't take much to hurt my feelings or make me cry. I'm afraid I was also a "sensitive" teenager and a "sensitive" young adult. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that is totally a bad thing. I like to think that some of that sensitivity lends itself to compassion for others. As much as I hated to have my feelings hurt, I've always hated to hurt other people too. I see that in Eli. He is very caring and aware of other people's feelings. But that same sensitivity can lead to a lot of uneccessary pain and disappointment. Let me share what I've learned...

A few years back when I was going through my depression God began to show me how much I was in bondage to what other people thought of me. I felt like what other people said about me was always the truth and that I was whatever other people thought I was. It really never occurred to me that someone might say something to me when they were having a bad day that they didn't mean. I would automatically take it as the truth and let if affect me. On the flip side if someone complimented me that would feed my ego and give me a high. My emotions became like a seesaw that other people were controlling.

I came across a verse that spoke freedom to me. 1 John 3:20 says "For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things." Let me tell you what this means to me. Feelings are a great thing. I'm a feelings junkie! I love the feeling of being in love, the feeling of loving my little ones, the feeling of being refreshed after a great talk with friends, the feeling of anticipation waiting for Christmas Day! After so many years of depression that left me totally numb, I'm even thankful for the feelings that aren't so pleasant but are necessary. Grieving, disappointment, and anger. God uses them all. But, I've had to learn that sometimes, my feelings betray me. Sometimes I'm sad when I have no reason to be sad. Sometimes I have happiness that isn't real because it is temporary and based on something that isn't real. And sometimes I still let guilt rule my life even though I know that God's Word tells me, "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." Romans 8:1.

Feelings may lie to us sometimes, but the awesome truth is that God is greater than our hearts. God is not only bigger than our hearts, but He knows EVERYTHING. The good, the bad, and the ugly. But He doesn't tell! He doesn't air our dirty laundry for others to gossip about or judge and on the other side He doesn't broadcast our good works for us to be praised and worshipped. That's between us and Him. It has brought such freedom to me to know that I can serve God without an audience. People can say and think whatever they want to about me, but God always knows the truth. I don't have to bend over backwards to impress other people because at the end of the day God is the only one who matters. I don't think this gives us a free ride to ignore people or their thoughts and opinions. It just helped me to realize that I'm not a slave to my feelings or how other people affect them. I'm a child of a King and living for Him is what is important.

I know that Eli is not the only one who struggles with his feelings being hurt. Let's admit it, the older we get the more our feelings get hurt sometimes because we don't let things go the way 3 years old do. I've seen my kids fighting and ready to strangle each other shouting the most treacherous of phrases "Well, I'm not going to play with you ever again!!" only to turn right around and be playing together 10 minutes later. They're very forgiving. Sadly, adults do not forgive and forget so easily. We like to hang onto our hurt feelings and bring them up every chance we get, dont' we? Well, as easily as my feelings have been hurt in the past I've had to learn that I've hurt just as many people in return. That's part of being human. We do that. We are all disappointed when we put our trust in other people instead of God. Every human being is capable of hurting at some point. Only Jesus was perfect and only God "knows all things". Trust Him with your heart.