When Somebody Sees

I had quite the day yesterday. My company sponsors an event every year and it is the biggest fundraiser we do. There are bouncy houses galore, and games and face painting and food and all things that make kids happy.

After I signed up to volunteer I got an e-mail asking how many hours I wanted to work and where I wanted to work. We get to flex our time so however many hours I volunteered I would get to take off the week before. I volunteered for all 6 hours. I also said I would work wherever they needed me. Big mistake.

I was told I was going to be at the food tent, but when I showed up yesterday morning I was told I would be at the soccer game. I headed out to find my spot and learned that at our game the kids would get 3 soccer balls to kick and a minute to see how many they could get in the goal. I started out with about 4 other people helping me and a couple of kids to help chase balls. We had it down to a science. One person to get names and phone numbers (it was a contest), one person to time, one person to take money and the rest of to chase the balls and get them back to the kids to see how many times they could kick it in that minute. We were having fun. We were all cheering and laughing and things were going great. Then, I learned that everybody else was leaving at 1:00. I was there until 4. I assumed someone else would be coming to help me. Eventually a teenager came and she sat in a chair and timed for me. While I took money, got people's names and numbers, lined up balls and chased and kicked and threw balls. At one point I wanted to text my supervisor and say, "I NEED HELP!!!" But, I didn't have time. By 2:30 I was wore.slap.out. I'm too out of shape for that much runnin', y'all. And bending over. Way more people were subjected to looking at my backside yesterday than should've been. 

Anyway, the crowd finally died down and there were just two siblings. Their mom asked me, "How are you doing?" It took a minute for it to register that she was talking to me, because for hours the only thing people had asked me was "How much?" or "Can I do it again?" or stuff like that. She then said, "I know you are tired, you've been doing this all day."  And at that moment it was like she had given me the most special gift. She saw me. Or had seen me. She had witnessed the physical bootcamp it had been for me all day and recognized that I was tired. I know that may seem very silly, and it really was no big deal. I had a lot of fun and got some much needed exercise and sun. I can barely walk today, but I know I will have good memories from yesterday. But in that moment, I was just tired. And somebody saw.

I share this because I know some people who are going through very trying circumstances right now. Real stuff, not what I experienced yesterday. The kind of trials that are scary and life changing and feel lonely. They mostly feel lonely. At times the hardest part of suffering is feeling so alone in it. Sometimes, you just need somebody to see. To recognize. To know. So that you know someone knows and cares.

I pray that we would all have our eyes opened to those who suffer in silence. But for those times when we fail, I pray that those who are suffering would know that we have a God who sees. 

¹³ Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, “Have I also here seen Him who sees me?” 

~Genesis 16:13

Every Mile A Memory: An Ode to the Jeep

Something happened this week that I felt was blog worthy. We purchased a new vehicle. I feel that is blog worthy because those of you who have suffered through followed this blog for awhile  know that a great deal of my life has been spent in my Jeep. And a great many posts on this blog have been dedicated to me being broke down on the side of the road. Or in parking lots. Or drive thru's. Or everywhere. Let's just say, I've needed a new ride for awhile. We have so enjoyed not having car payments for a few years, but when I returned to work we knew it was time.

I have been so excited about a new vehicle, but as the time came near I noticed I became increasingly emotional. One night I asked Josh if he remembered the time I put the Jeep in reverse and then forgot and got out (that's a long story that I wrote about a LONG time ago on MySpace and I don't even remember how to get on there anymore...). Anyway, as I laughed about that experience Josh informed me that he thought I was going through separation anxiety over the Jeep. And, I realized he was right.

I'm not usually a "things" or "stuff" kind of person. There are very few material possessions I feel emotionally attached to. Turns out the Jeep is one of them. :)

Do y'all see that number? That's a lot of miles and memories. I took that pic at the car dealership. The last trip the Jeep took before it was replaced. And I was so proud it was able to make that trip. In the last couple of months we have traveled to Jacksonville, Orlando, and Birmingham for dance competitions and every time I've told Josh, "I'm pretty sure this is the last trip the Jeep is going to make. Like ever. For real." But it always made one more trip.

And that's what I love about that Jeep. It's perseverance. It's been through a lot. We've been through a lot. I've probably spent more time in it than I've spent at any other place or with any other people. It's been my constant companion through good times and bad. I've brought babies home from the hospital in it. I've ridden in funeral processions in it. I've laughed in it. I've cried in it. I'm not proud of it, but I've even had days where I've screamed in it. I've taken trips to visit favorite people and I've taken trips to make hard visits. We've moved in it. Several times.It's been my sanctuary at times when it is has been the only stinkin' place I could get a few minutes by myself. God has spoken to me in it.

It has repeatedly taken abuse as I've run over curbs, slammed on brakes, and pushed it further than I should have with the gas light on. It sports stains so old I couldn't tell you where they came from. I've changed the radio station so much that it is now so sensitive that if I hit a bump the station changes by itself. You always have to crank it 3 times to get it started. Always. If you have to wait in the drive-thru for more than 3.5 minutes you have to turn the heater on as high as it will go to cool off the engine. And when did I learn things like that? Well, let's just say I feel like I could be a mechanic after my years with the Jeep. :)

Dear Jeep, I hope you enjoy your retirement from the Fidler family. You've earned it! You have been so faithful, and even when you broke down you were dependable. I knew exactly what was going on. We're alike in that way. We frequently break down, but it's always the same issues. :) Thanks for hangin' in there. And for 327,904 miles worth of memories!

P.S. I'm going to miss getting love letters like this one. :)

For those of you who might be immobilized in a full body cast and have nothing to do this weekend, I've included some links to some of my favorite Jeep stories. :)

http://www.encouragementfromemily.blogspot.com/2008/10/parsley.html

http://www.encouragementfromemily.blogspot.com/2009/10/smashing-pumpkins.html

http://www.encouragementfromemily.blogspot.com/2009/05/therell-be-days-like-this.html

http://www.encouragementfromemily.blogspot.com/2011/11/tired.html

http://www.encouragementfromemily.blogspot.com/2011/07/this-is-why-we-have-no-social-life.html

http://www.encouragementfromemily.blogspot.com/2011/01/you-do-hokie-pokie-and-you-hope-jeep.html

Sometimes You Need to Cry

I like to laugh. I use smiley faces way too much. It is easier for me to be funny and make jokes than to be serious. In fact, I get down right nervous when things start getting too serious. My brain says, 'Quick! Make a joke. Lighten the mood! Stuff's gettin' real up in here.'

And sometimes "stuff" is uncomfortable. I have come to realize that we live in a society of extremes. We fluctuate between feeling sorry for ourselves because our internet is down and posting obnoxious amounts of quotes and statuses on Facebook trying to convince everyone else (and ourselves) that everything is just peachy and we should all hold hands and sing Kumbaya. 

This is on my mind because I've spent a good deal of my life telling myself to "suck it up buttercup". That's a saying I learned from my friends Donna and Raquel, and while we always used it jokingly, I've realized that it's become part of my internal dialogue. I often tell myself that whatever I'm feeling is not important or that somebody else has it way worse. Last night I read some words that I knew I needed to read. "Deal with your feelings before they deal with you."

Many times I find myself frustrated with my own emotions. How can I ever feel sad when my life is so good? What do I have to really feel down/angry/frustrated with? The truth is that I logically know how blessed I am and how amazing my life is. But the reality is also that I am human and unfortunately at times find myself ruled by emotions that are as ever changing as the weather. This isn't as much a problem for me now as it has been in the past, but I constantly have to work on dealing with my emotions versus stuffing them. 

When I went through my depression I was put on a medication that made me numb. I'm talking zombieland. I will never forget going to the movies with Josh one night and watching 2 little girls. One of the girls had Down's Syndrome and it moved me to tears to watch the kindness and gentleness the other little girl showed her. I have never forgotten that, because it was the first time in a very long time that I felt anything.

Recovering from that depression I have constantly struggled with feeling that it is wrong for me to ever have a down day. I am supposed to rejoice in all things, right? I know how quickly I can slip into a pit and so the slightest not so great feelings leave me desperately clawing my way out as fast as possible.

I share this because I had a moment (or 80) last week. I was just down. It was after a tour of an organization in our community that exists to help abused children that God really dealt with me. I had just walked through a beautiful building that existed for such an ugly reason. Bright, colorful rooms decorated like a child's dream, but their purpose was anything but bright. A kid's court to practice being in the courtroom. Observation rooms where they are interviewed  and asked questions nobody wants to ask. Exam rooms where the stuff of nightmares exist. I found myself crying and yet trying to pull myself together before I got back to work. (Thank goodness for long drives!) And I felt like God told me, "Sometimes you need to cry." Let's face it, there are plenty of things to be happy about in life. God is good and He blesses more than we deserve. There are times to suck it up. Really, there are. :)  But there are other times when things that happen in this broken, cursed world break the heart of God, and it should break ours, too. 

I'm not saying that we all rend our garments and pour ashes on our heads. I also am not suggesting that we take on the role of Eeyore or a prophet or doom. I'm just saying that there is a time to cry. And God hears.

"Nevertheless he regarded their affliction, when he heard their cry"

                                                                   ~Psalm 106:44

Space

The weekend before last Sarah and I were in Orlando for a dance competition. Our hotel was attached to the Orlando International Airport and I spent two full days wandering around that airport killing time while my girl learned dance from people named Casper and Tokyo. That's a blog in itself, but while I was browsing the NASA store housed in the airport I came across a shirt that cracked me up. Because it is SO me.

http://www.thespaceshop.com/inemysptsubl.html

I do  need space y'all. I am one of those people who loves to be around other people and talk and visit and have fun. And then go  home and spend like 16 hours reading or thinking or staring at a wall. It's just how I'm made. I have to digest and analyze and work through all of that social interaction.

Well, in the last couple of weeks my schedule has been heavy on the social side, lacking in the time to breathe and think side. And when I say "social" it's probably not what a lot of you would consider social time. It's ministry time. It's people stopping by our house, phone calls or church activities. I have to be honest that sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes my very human nature gets tired and whiny and tells my husband that he chose the wrong wife. I'm not cut out to be a preacher's wife. I'm all wrong. I'm not outgoing enough. I get tired and sick too easily. I'm not a "planner" or an "organizer". Seriously, I feel that way 97.3% of the time. I don't doubt for a second that Josh is called to be a preacher, but sometimes I truly wonder if we could rent someone to stand in as the preacher's wife. Someone who specializes in all of the things I feel that I'm lacking. I know. I'm crazy.

Mostly, I'm just tired. I've just accepted that being tired is going to be par for the course for me. And sometimes it seems that when I am the most tired, God has the most for us to do in our ministry. Let me stop here and tell you what I consider "ministry".  I am not an event planning, committee leading kinda gal. For me ministry is listening to stories of broken hearts, meeting physical needs when we can, loving on kids who need some love and sharing what Jesus has done for me. And sometimes those things are really, really hard to do when your mind and body are screaming "I need a break!"

Lately our house feels like it has become Grand Central Station. We live in the parking lot of the church, so people know how to find us. It has been my prayer that God would grow my heart in the area of hospitality and let me tell you, He's tried to give me lots of practice. :)  He has really worked on teaching me that hospitality has a lot more to do with my heart than how clean my house is, and I have tried to embrace that. Really, I have. Even when my husband texts me at work to tell me that people stopped by the house to talk to him and I come home and my underwear is in the laundry pile on the couch. It's a little ministry tool we use to get people to confess called "Airing our dirty laundry". JUST KIDDING! It's really called "The Preacher's Wife can't get it together to put the laundry away before work". I think we will begin drills in our house to practice throwing the laundry in a bedroom and shutting the door as fast as possible when the doorbell rings. That's a skill all children should be taught, right? 

Anyway, back to the point of this. There is a point. And it's not to whine or complain or make people not want to come to my house. The point of this is that as He always does, God reminded me of how He would handle a situation based on His Word. I actually had this revelation several years ago when we first went into ministry. Josh was preaching about the feeding of the 5,000, but as he moved on to share that miracle, I could not get past the beginning of that passage. You see, often we overlook what happened before that massive, impromptu dinner party. Before that the disciples had been out witnessing and ministering. God was doing amazing things in their lives and other people's lives through them. 

³⁰ Then the apostles gathered to Jesus and told Him all things, both what they had done and what they had taught. 

                                                                                                       Mark 6:30

Now, in the midst of doing awesome, exciting things you would think Jesus would want them to keep going and sharing, right? But Jesus said, 

³¹ And He said to them, “Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” For there were many coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat. ³² So they departed to a deserted place in the boat by themselves.

                                                                  Mark 6:31-32

I'm telling you, the more I know about Jesus the more I love Him. He's my kind of guy. He knew they needed some space. Some unwinding time. Some food!

But then, something happened. Something that reminded the disciples that while they were all still very human and had the same basic needs and desires, their calling was a higher one. One that would often require sacrifice.

³³ But the multitudes^[a] saw them departing, and many knew Him and ran there on foot from all the cities. They arrived before them and came together to Him. 

                                                                     Mark 6:33

There are a lot of things in ministry that can wait. We make a mistake when we burn ourselves out doing things that are not that important in the grand scheme of things. BUT.....when people are running after Jesus, that is important stuff. 

If you skip ahead you see that the disciples reacted a lot like the way I am prone to when ministry presents itself at inopportune times. 

³⁵ When the day was now far spent, His disciples came to Him and said, “This is a deserted place, and already the hour is late. ³⁶ Send them away, that they may go into the surrounding country and villages and buy themselves bread;^[b] for they have nothing to eat.”

                                                                    Mark 6:35-36

I don't want to put words in the disciple's mouths or thoughts in their heads, but I find myself wondering if they were feeling extra human that night. If their first thought was, "Good grief, I just wanted to eat supper in peace and lay on the couch tonight." Okay, so I don't think they had couches, but you know what I mean? Did they have the panic moment of, "Oh no! I haven't been to the grocery store. All I can offer somebody is a pb&j or a can of pinto beans." It's a bad feeling y'all.

But, if we back up to the moment before the disciples freak out (I'm assuming), we see how Jesus responded, even when He was just as tired and weary as the rest of the group. This verse has completely changed ministry for me.

³⁴ And Jesus, when He came out, saw a great multitude and was moved with compassion for them, because they were like sheep not having a shepherd. So He began to teach them many things.

                                                                                 Mark 6:34

Did you catch the reason why Jesus reached out to the crowd? Because people were going to talk bad about Him if he didn't? No. Because He wouldn't go to Heaven if He didn't? No. Because He had bad boundaries and just didn't know when to say no? No.  We are told that He was moved with compassion for those people. What an amazing Savior I serve. 

There are different reasons to do ministry. For the power and authority. For the money (all you preacher's out there quit laughing!). For the attention. For the earthly or heavenly rewards you anticipate. But at the end of the day, the only kind of ministry that will please Jesus and change lives is the kind that is motivated by compassion. The kind of compassion that moves us off the couch and into the lives of people. The kind that when those people come to our couch moves us from frustration and fatigue to caring and kindness. Compassion takes us from the place of needing more space to needing more Spirit. 

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

                                                             2 Corinthians 12:9

The Picture They Paint

Around Christmas time my sister had come to visit, and for those who don't know, she has started an amazing photography business. I asked her if she would take a picture of me that I could use as my blog profile pic and she agreed because she is sweet like that. I had gotten dressed for our outing that day and done my hair and make-up, but before we could do a mini photo shoot, I had to do laundry. Because I always have to do laundry, y'all. What's that saying about the things that are certain in life; "death, laundry, and taxes"?  I think that's right. :)  Anyway, she snapped a pic of me with the laundry basket and we laughed about how that was really the picture I needed to use. I started talking about the mom blogs that have the amazing, perfect pictures and teach you how to make homemade bread and how to make your children clothes out of organic leaves you find in your backyard and stuff like that. Jenny confessed that she does not read those. She said they make her feel bad. I understand. Then she asked if I thought their lives are really as perfect as they seem. Did I think that they just work really hard to make it appear that way? And that's when I told her, "I couldn't make my life seem like that if I tried!"  Seriously, I give props to Moms who can even make things just *look* all put together, you know what I mean?

So, I haven't been blogging much. Turns out adding a 40 hour workweek with a 5 hour a week drive time has really started interfering with my blog time.  I mean, if everybody at my house didn't expect to eat every night AND have clean clothes to wear, I would have a little more time. The nerve of these people. :)

I am still greatly enjoying my new job, but I won't lie, reality has set in. The reality that there just isn't enough time in the day. The reality that I have to really set priorities and make sure I stick to them. The reality that I just can't do all of the things I would like to do. It's been an adjustment for everyone. Josh has been totally awesome and cooks supper more nights than I do now. The kids are doing well, too. Kate has been a little extra cuddly and clingy when I'm at home, but I won't complain about that. :)

But, some days are more challenging than others. I do work in a daycare, and while I am thrilled (and knocking on wood) to say that nobody else in my house has been sick this year, I do feel like my body stays in a constant fighting off illness mode. I am pretty sure I've been exposed to everything minus the plague this year and so sometimes, I'm just worn out. Monday was one of those days. Work included a 3 hour drive for me that day and an inservice to sit through and a computer that had crashed. By the time I got home, I wanted to crash, too. Eli wanted to go to the park. I wanted to cry. Okay, maybe I did cry. Because the mom guilt kicked in. That feeling that my kids are being ignored and deprived and neglected. Nevermind that we never went to the park on weekday afternoons before I was working; on this day, I was in full emotional meltdown. 

That night Josh had to go make a visit, so the kids and I ate supper and then it was time for baths. As I was telling the kids to get in the bath, I all of a sudden felt like all I do is tell them what to do and what not to do. I just come home and tell them to pick up their shoes and eat their veggies and take a bath. I just knew my kids were going to grow up telling people how all their Mom ever did was make them bathe and brush their teeth and clean their room. And then it hit me, that is what I'm supposed to do. That's my job. 

I'm sharing this because yesterday Sarah brought home some short stories she had written that we were supposed to read. One of them talked about her favorite animal being horses. She shared that one of the reasons she loves horses is because they stay in herds. (Is that true? I don't know if it is, but let's pretend, ok?) She said that some animals don't stay with their families and she would hate that because she doesn't know what she would do without her family. She said that I make sure she eats healthy and tell her what she is supposed to do. She said Josh keeps her in line. And she said her brother and sister encourage her to do things she doesn't think she can do. She said that I tell her what she is supposed to do like it is a great thing. And it reaffirmed that thought I just had, that that is what I'm supposed to do. I am so thankful that she appreciates that. Now, if I can just keep her away from all of the kids with awesome moms who not only feed and bathe their children, but also find time to be fun and exciting. :)

It's an amazing thing when your children begin expressing themselves in ways other than laying on the floor kicking and screaming. When you are able to read their thoughts and experience their imaginations. When we got Kate's first report card this year, her teacher said that she looks forward to Kate's laughter and "hearing the stories she tells".  I thought that was so sweet. Then I kind of panicked, like, oh my gosh, what kind of stories is she telling??? That thought comes from my own insecurities. That the truth will come out that not only am I not the greatest mom ever, but some days, I just stink at it.

It's the realization that it doesn't matter how hard I try to get perfect family pictures with matching clothes.

It doesn't matter if Josh and I do lots of "good" things for our church or community.

It doesn't matter if other people think we are wonderful.

What matters is the pictures our kids paint. How do they see us and the life we've given them? Do they know that "keeping them straight" and "telling them what they are supposed to do" comes from a place of love and wanting what is best for them? I hope so. I hope that all of the days, the good, the bad, and the ugly, will one day create a beautiful masterpiece in their minds because it is covered in brushstrokes of love.

That Kind of Love

I love love. Back in the day, I loved head spinning, butterfly fluttering, cheeks blushing kind of love. Sometimes, I love candlelit, slow dancing, long kisses kind of love. Sometimes I love silly making, around the couch chasing, funny faces kind of love. And sometimes, I love long talks, deep thoughts, and serious matters. But most of all, I love "that kind of love".

Just a few weeks ago I sat at the funeral of my best friend's mom. After more than a decade of struggling with the debilitating effects of a stroke, I felt relieved for her that she is whole and free from the pain and suffering she knew in this world. Of course my heart broke for her children and husband. A funeral doesn't seem like an ideal setting for thoughts on love and romance, but that is exactly where my mind went. Because I've never seen a man love a woman the way my friend's dad loved her mom. And by "seen" I mean literally observed in the way that he cared for her, physically, emotionally, and spiritually for over a decade what love looks like in action. At the funeral those who spoke praised him for the way he cared for his wife, but after it was over even greater praise was given. My friend told me, "He enjoyed taking care of her." Oh, that our idea of love would change from the selfish, who makes me feel loved and look good to others to the reality that true love serves those we love gladly. Although I felt sad for the loss he experienced, I found myself feeling even sadder for people who never know that kind of love in their life.

I think of the people we idolize in our society. Celebrities and sports stars who have relationships and marriages that change as often as their hairstyles or the teams they play for. I think of the shows we watch and the songs we listen to full of drama and emotion. We obsess over couples and what they look like together. But we spend very little time caring how they love each other. And I pray that we realize that the kind of "love" we idolize isn't "that kind of love". "That kind of love" is the choice we make that we will honor and respect another person becase "Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." (Robert Heinlein).

I witnessed that kind of love as I looked in on my friend's parent's relationship. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't easy. We make a mistake when we think that true love means it's easy. I think true love is when you decide you are going to stick around even on days when it's the hardest thing you've ever done.

I am thankful that my husband considers this godly man a mentor. He has already chosen to stick around on some hard days, but I am glad to know that he has witnessed a living example of a man loving his wife the way that Christ loves the church, and he thinks that's a person to look up to. How I wish that every person (young and old) chose this as the example for how they will love another.

Call me delusional, but I'm still a believer in romance and soul mates and happy endings. But I don't think those things magically happen in fields full of flowers with sappy love songs playing. I think they happen when two people decide they want to set their hearts on God's plan for them and that come hell or highwater they are going to choose to go through it with that person. Whether they are dancing and holding hands or hanging onto each other for dear life, they know that no matter what else is happening in the world around them, they have each other.

And then, when one of those people has finished their journey, the other can say, “I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough..”  ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Feeling Full

It's 2013, y'all! We all made it! My Mom offered to let our kids spend the night at her house, so Josh and I brought in the new year the way it should be done. We ate supper at 5:00 at O'Charley's then went shopping for a new rug. :)  We didn't find our rug, but we did get to ring in the new year with some sweet friends sitting around their fire pit, sharing stories and drinking hot chocolate with HOMEMADE marshmallows! Amazing. I also got a kiss at midnight. Well, a few minutes after midnight. Josh was a little late coming around the fire pit, but that's ok, we've always been on our own time schedule. :)

In the past I've written long, melodramatic posts reflecting on my year. I'm happy to report that in 2012 I think I finally grew out of the 13 year old version of myself.  I don't feel so dramatic. I just feel blessed. And quite honestly, too tired to be dramatic. But, it's the good kind of tired. The "my life is full" kind of tired. Full of people I love. Full of experiences that have made happy memories and great learning experiences. Full of God's presence and full of purpose. 

I'm relishing the place I am in right now. In the past I have been anxious for a new year because I was desperate for change and new things. I can honestly say that for now I am at a point that I am just praying God will let me hold on to the people and things in my life for just a little bit longer. I'm clinging to these days where Little People decorate my display shelf in the living room and children's artwork covers my fridge. I'm clinging to the days where all of our siblings and their significant others live within driving distance and I get to enjoy them and be "Aunty Em" in real life, not just through cards or packages. I'm hanging on to these days with a sweet church family that loves and encourages us.  I'm soaking up the days of having a job where I get to rock babies and read to toddlers. As long as Josh and I both live I will cling to him and make the most of every minute God gives us together. 

2012 gave me the greatest gift- CONTENTMENT. I give 2012 the credit, but truly it belongs to my Heavenly Father who has worked hard for many years to teach me this lesson. Hard things have taught me to appreciate good things. Even sometimes not so good things. I have learned that "new things", "better things", or "exciting things" aren't really where it is at. Learning to soak in what you have right where you are is something that no one can take away from you. I often have random songs pop in my head. They are usually annoying, where did that come from? kind of songs. Like "Barbie Girl" or the "Macarena". Well, last night another song randomly popped in my head. One that says, "This joy that I have, the world didn't give it to me. The world didn't give it and the world can't take it away."  I think that perfectly sums up my 2012. 

My prayer for all of us in 2013 is that no matter what circumstances or trials we face, we will know the JOY that the world can't give. Only the Father. I will pray that we will all be as full of that JOY as I am of Reese's Peanut Butter cups. That's a LOT, y'all! :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!