Captivity

Our minds are amazing aren't they? Have you ever just stopped and marveled at the creativity, imagination and brilliance that are around us? Have you had one of those moments when you've thought, 'Who came up with that? How did they think of that?'  As fascinated as I am by the awesome, divinely created human mind, I am equally intrigued by what happens when it fails to reach it's potential. Because let's face it, like all human, flawed, part of this fallen world things, it is not perfect. We all have times when something "slips our minds". We forget. We confuse. We overlook. And in worst case scenarios, we snap. Things aren't working in our minds like they are supposed to at all. I for one, am fascinated by such cases. Maybe fascinated isn't the right word. But I can tell you that if a show like "Hoarders" or "Intervention" or "Strange Addictions" or something along those lines are on, I'll be watching. Because I want to know. What happened? What is wrong with these people? What life scarring event caused them to be this way? And I think deep down, there is a part of me wondering, 'Could I become one of these people?'

Usually, when there is a story of violence or strange behavior, there is a backstory. This happend when they were 5 or they experienced this as a young adult. But sometimes, there is no backstory. To me nothing is scarier than watching a show about a serial killer and they say those fateful words- "He was a bright, attractive, outgoing young man. NO ONE had any idea he was capable of this." Does that just totally creep anybody else out? Well, I say all of this to make the point that whatever battle someone is facing from hoarding to addictions to killing someone, it starts in their mind. Perhaps I can impress you and say that I have a social work degree and that gives me the authority to make such a statement. But the truth is that I've learned this the good, old fashioned hard way.

God  placed this blog on my heart earlier today as I have continued to struggle with some personal battles. In addition to grieving I've been experiencing some health issues and as I have dealt with my body hurting and being fatigued, I've realized that I can handle that. I've danced with pulled hamstrings. I've danced while having asthma attacks. I had a needle put in my eyelid while I was awake. ( I will tell y'all about that one day. Or maybe I will spare you...)  I've given birth with an epidural that DID NOT work. So what I'm saying is, I have a pretty high pain tolerance. What I seem to be lacking lately is the mental power to keep myself going. And I've decided that it has been the emotional fatigue of grieving meeting the physcial fatigue of my body and my brain saying, "I've had enough of all of you. I'm checking out."  Anybody been there? Please tell me I'm not alone.

After a few days of checking out and giving the enemy too much power in my life, I was reminded of the importance of taking every thought captive. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5.  I believe that this Scripture makes it clear that becoming a Christian does not keep wrong, untrue, and sometimes sinful thoughts from entering our minds. Man I wish it did! But the truth is that our minds are still very human and very vulnerable to attacks from the enemy. ESPECIALLY during the times when we are tired and isolated. Those were the times Jesus Himself was tempted. (Matthew 4) Whatever thoughts we are struggling with whether they are obssesive, unforgiving, angry, selfish, or whatever they are, Christ gives us the power to take them captive and give them to Him. This was one of the biggest steps of healing in my depression. I really had to begin to claim Scripture in my life and replace the lies I often told myself. Whether the thoughts we struggle with are sinful or just hurtful to ourselves, we need to remember Romans 12: 2,  "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." I don't think it is by chance or coincidence that we are told to renew our MIND and not to change our habits or  go to church more. The truth is that no matter what attempt we make at changing our life, it has to happen in our  minds, first.

Sometimes I get the impression that people think that being obedient to God is a chore or something they just have to do to keep God happy. I do believe that God not only desires, but commands that our hearts and thoughts be pleasing to Him. But it has been my experience that it is not only for Him. It is also because of His love for us. Because He knows the captivity our minds can put us in. For weeks after I lost my Dad I would lay in bed unable to sleep. Everytime I would close my eyes I would see my Dad laying in the hospital suffering. I would relive the experience as over and over. Finally I prayed one night and I asked God, "Do I have to think about this? Is it necessary? Is it part of healing?"  And I felt like He answered with His Word.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Philippians 4:8

He brought to mind Scripture I learned many years ago and I felt like He was releasing me. Like He was telling me it was okay not to dwell on that pain, but to focus my heart on the closeness I felt with my family, the peace He had given me in the hospital and the good memories I had of my Daddy. I am a big fan of  facing things and dealing with them. I feel like the church has been guilty of telling people to put on a happy face and pretend like things are peachy even when they're not. So please don't think I'm downplaying pain and suffering. Please know I only want to offer the peace and comfort that was given to me in my time of pain and suffering. I do not write this as a preacher's wife who wants everybody to put on a plastic smile and tell people to drink the happy Kool-aid. I say this as someone whose heart has been completely broken and has to continually, on a daily basis, give those pieces to Jesus and trust Him to put it back together.

I already had this blog on my heart when another event happened today. We're having visitor's week at the dance studio today and Josh and I were there to watch Sarah's classes today when he recieved a phone call. It was his Mom and they talk a lot so I didn't think a thing about it. Josh excused himself and when he didn't come back after a few minutes I had the feeling that something was wrong. Once the class was over Josh explained to me that a man had walked into a school board meeting with a gun and shots had been fired. Josh's Mom works in that building and was in another office watching the meeting on a TV. She witnessed the entire event as it unfolded. You can read the story of what happened here. Obviously we are very relieved that she and all of the others are okay. I talked with her tonight and she is holding up much better than I would be! I thought about this subject that I already had on my heart as I watched the video footage on the news tonight. As I looked at a room I've sat in for a meeting. As I looked at the room in a building my husband had left 30 minutes before the incident took place. A room my mother-in-law was too close for comfort to as a man who was out of his mind walked in carrying a gun. Who knows what was going on his mind? All I can think is that he was a man who let his thoughts control him. They took him captive. They consumed him. Those thoughts led to a tragic outcome for him and affected many others.

I also think tonight about those who were in that building. Those who felt fear many of us will hopefully never experience. Those who will replay the events of this day in their minds the same way the news channels are replaying the video on their shows.  My prayer for them tonight is that they can take those thoughts captive and give them to the One who is strong enough to handle such fear, pain and stress. I pray these Words would be real for them.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:7

And The Winner Is......

So, the time has come to pick the winner of the "Back to Africa" giveaway! I really enjoyed hearing about all of the ministries y'all love and the ways God has allowed you to serve others. Perfect examples of how we are the hands and feet God uses to reach others!

Some of you mentioned ministries overseas that minister to overlooked, difficult to reach people. Some of you shared about churches that minister in your area. And some of you shared personal ways that you minister on a one on one basis. I loved that we got responses that covered all of those because I love being able to feel like a part of big, global missions, but also meet the needs of those right around us. There are certainly enough needs to go around!

Well, I will get onto what you've been waiting for. The winner! I would just like to say that this person was obviously meant to win. You see, this drawing was the excitement of our house tonight (it and bake and break cookies) so we actually did the drawing early because I hadn't had any new comments all day. Then, after we did the drawing, I got another comment! So, we redrew (is that a word?) and it was the SAME person! Here is the highly professional way Speaking the Truth in Love and Laughter randomly chose our first ever giveaway winner.....

                      Yep, we chose a name out of a bowl. We are a first class, high tech organization around here.

                                                  And the winner (both times!) is.......

Um, in case you can't read that it says LORI! Lori at The Foremans wins a necklace from Back to Africa!

This giveaway has been so much fun for me. Hopefully I can do another in the future. Thanks so much for all who played along!

Nobody Gave Me the Rules

It's 2:00 am and I just finished loading the dishwasher and folding a load of clothes. For some reason my mini-me (Kate) has joined the insomnia bandwagon and is up at this very minute asking me what spiders eat. Does that question keep anybody else up? I'm pretty sure my insomnia has other causes, but at least I've been productive a couple of these insomniac nights. A few nights ago I cleaned out our front closet and would you believe that every person in my  house has a minimum of 55 pairs of shoes? I also discovered where all of the missing socks go...I am very tempted to put a sign by the closet door that says NO SOCKS ALLOWED! I would hope that sign would motivate my people to make their way to the laundry room, but I'm guessing we'd just end up with a trail of socks from the front door to the kitchen.....Anyway, there is a good chance Josh may really start believing in the cleaning fairy....

So, the reason I am writing is that obviously this is a challenging time for me and my family. For anyone new to the blog, I lost my Dad last year on Christmas Day. As the one year mark rides in on the holidays, I find myself experiencing a wide range of emotions. It is hard to explain, but as this season began and I started unpacking boxes of Christmas decorations, it was like everything happened yesterday. Like I had just packed those boxes. Or not packed them. Good grief, you would not believe the stuff that got broken. I have no memory of undecorating my house last year, and between that and our move there were quite a few things that have now been retired. I've been telling Josh for months that I had no idea how I would feel or act once this month arrived. So far, it has been a mixture of tears, angry outbursts and excitement. Yes, I've still been able to feel excited. In fact, I've gone into overdrive this year. Y'all, I have a binder. Anyone who knows me well will probably leave their computer right now and come to check and make sure I have not had a brain transplant. I've gone from not even being a list person to having a whole binder full of lists with gift ideas, recipes, and people to send cards to. I haven't even sent cards the last couple of years and that was just out of pure laziness. For some reason I really wanted to send them this year, but as I was ordering them I felt unsure. Does one send cards out the year after such a loss? Should they be serious, sad cards? And it hit me that no one gave me a rule book explaining these things.

Being the overanalyzer that I am I have become aware that my overplanning and list making and binder toting is my attempt to control this time in a way that I obviously could not control what happened last year. Josh shared with me that after what we experienced last year that it gave him a new appreciation for what this time of year is about and that he just wasn't as into all the hoopla this year. That's when I had to break down and tell him that for some weird reason, I am. I had just spent the morning at Lowe's  looking longingly at outdoor lights and decorations and searching for the perfect wreath. And I didn't get it. Because I had feared that I would never want to see Christmas decorations or hear Christmas music again. But I do. Maybe this time makes me remember this time last year when my Dad was still here. Maybe I just realize how much I've let little, petty things steal the joy of Christmas from me in the past few years and now I am reminded of what is special about it. Maybe I just desperately need to keep focusing on other things except the tragedy of last year. Whatever it is, when I ashamedly admitted my longing for icicle lights on our house he said, "Well, if it's important to you, than it needs to be important to me." And they were the sweetest words I needed to hear. And as I thought about my card dilemma tonight, I was reminded of them. And I understood that there is no rule book because everyone is different. We all grieve differently. And that's okay. And as we seek to comfort those who are grieving, it's not so much about knowing a magic formula to make things better or the perfect words to say. It's about seeing where they are and holding their hand through it. It's what Jesus what do.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."   Romans 12:15

Giving Looks Good On You!

Tonight I had the opportunity to attend a jewelry party. Now, I am one of those people who has attended every kind of party you can think of. I've bought candles, kitchen gadgets and jewelry. I always enjoy the time with other ladies visiting, eating and shopping. But tonight after I got home from this party I thought I would extend the invitation to all of you, my blogging buddies. Iwish you could have been there with me to eat the best stuffed mushrooms and try on jewelry, but since you couldn't I thought I would offer the next best thing. Online shopping! Please understand, I won't make a dime off of promoting this. Let me tell you who will....

My sweet friend, Audra, served as hostess for this party representing a ministry called "Heart of the Bride".  You can read about their mission on their website. This particular party benefits a part of that ministry called "Back to Africa." This is a program that allows women in Africa to create the beautiful pieces of jewelry sold at these parties and the money goes back to support them. I think it is such a great ministry and I just want to share it with you! If you still have some Christmas shopping to do or just want to add a gorgeous piece of jewelry to your own collection you should check out their shopping site HERE.

AND.....for the first time ever.....a giveaway on my blog! I believe so much in this ministry and feel so strongly that this is a time of year that we should celebrate opportunities to give back to others. So, here's the deal, If you leave a comment sharing your favorite ministry or way to show love and help others during the Christmas season, you will be entered to win a necklace from "Back to Africa"! I don't want you to feel like you are bragging or patting yourself on the back. I just think it is neat to hear the great ideas people have and you never know what you may inspire someone else to do! I will announce the winner on Friday. Get to sharing!!!

Christmas in the Caribbean

Well it must be Christmas. We had a Christmas parade! This was our first year here and what a great experience it was being a part of the parade! The dance studio participated and our theme was "Christmas in the Caribbean". A couple of the dads worked super hard on our float and it turned out soooo cute. We won first place! Not only did we have a super cute float full of super cute little girls dressed in their best Christmas wear, we also had live entertainment. A full crew of girls in Santa hats dancing with candy canes to Jimmy Buffet's "Christmas in the Caribbean". Our float was pulled by a tractor and the stereo was tied to the front of it. I forgot to get a pic of that, but it was great. I got to help our studio owner carry our banner and I just had so much fun walking down our little downtown street. I am amazed everytime there is a town event how many people I know.  The parade was short and sweet and that's how I like 'em. We had about 2 and a half hours of prep time for a 10 min. parade. :)

Our studio is right next door to a hair salon/ Merle Norman store and one of the hairstylist had offered to do the girl's hair. Isn't that sweet? So, we shuffled the girls back and forth between the salon and the studio. That proved a little challenging with Kate who kept getting lost in the shuffle. At one point I found her hanging out with our float designer at the tailgate of his pickup truck eating oysters. (Well, Kate just ate the crackers.) You know you live in the Florida panhandle when you're eating oysters before the Christmas parade. :) I had another terrifying moment when I lost Kate. All of the little girls had arrived and I was trying to keep up with the crowd and realized Kate was missing. I was informed (after running around screaming like a crazy person) that she had gone to the bathroom. My child who refuses to potty train decided that in the midst of the parade chaos she should just escort herself to the bathroom. After my heart stopped racing and I could breathe again, I congratulated her on going potty.

Now I will share an obnoxious amount of pictures. I will also put "Christmas in the Caribbean" on here so that you, too, could have it stuck in your head for the rest of your life. You have to listen to it to get in the proper mood. Did I mention that last Wed. was our last class to practice and I danced to "Christmas in the Caribbean" no fewer than 15 times?  "It's Christmas in the Caribbean........"

Our talented dancers

My Dazzling Dancer, Sarah!



Our award winning float!



Me with some of my baby ballerinas





Kate's first ride on a Christmas float!

A pic with Kate smiling! She called the float the "snowflake" and I was able to get her to smile and wear her hat by promising a ride on the snowflake!!

Since Jimmy Buffet is on replay in my head these days I'm taking his advice for this season. "We don't live in a hurry....."   Doing my best to slow down, enjoy the season, and avoid the stress!  What is your favorite part of this season? What is the most stressful part to you and what do you do to cope with it? Inquiring minds want to know...... :)

A Dazzling Lesson

I would be remiss to let it go unannounced that my child, my only manchild, my very own kindergartener was named a Dazzling Dolphin a few weeks back. This is an award given at the kid's school every week to someone who has exhibited exceptional behavior. As Eli's card pointed out, he works hard and shows kindness and respect. Please just allow this Mama a moment to brag.... :)   (And I won't tell you about what went down that day after he got home and demanded to go right that very second to get his rewards of a free kid's meal from Subway and an ice cream cone from the Pig. Or that I had to give him a talking to about showing kindness and respect at home as well. We won't talk about that....)

My Dazzling Dolphin with his rewards.

I am very proud of him and Sarah was too. I know she was. But she was a little bummed I could tell. She hasn't been named a Dazzling Dolphin yet. Well, today she came to talk to me while I got ready for dance and she announced that today was another Dazzling Dolphin day. And she didn't get it. Bless her heart. She went on to tell me that she had discussed this with Josh.  Let me stop this story right here and tell you a little story about when Sarah was a baby. She had colic. She cried a lot. And fussed a lot. And cried a lot. Did I mention she cried a lot? I still clearly remember a night that Josh tried to have a discussion with our crazy, hyper cocker spaniel, Abby and Sarah. She was 4 months old. Sitting in the baby swing. Josh very reasonably tried to discuss with Abby and Sarah why they should stop doing things like screaming for hours on end and peeing on the carpet everytime somebody walked in the house (screaming=Sarah, peeing=Abby). I shook my head. Was he not aware that babies and cocker spaniels cannot be reasoned with? I let him have his moment then I went and wound up the swing for the 850 thousandth time and turned on the vacuum cleaner. Did you know some babies are comforted by the sound of a vacuum cleaner? Crazy.

Okay, back to today. As Sarah told me about her discussion with her Daddy I was so proud of him and for him. He is finally able to discuss and reason with our sweet firstborn who thankfully no longer needs the comfort of a vacuum cleaner. She told  me that Josh had shared a story about a time when he was playing baseball and he felt like nobody was noticing how hard he was working, but then finally he got his recognition and realized people had noticed all along. Then, she shared something that was a lesson even her Mama needed to be reminded of. She went on to say, "But Daddy said even when other people don't notice us trying hard or being kind, that God always does."  I'm tearing up writing that. It always amazes me when I'm reminded that my babies haven't yet learned all of the lessons I've learned through the years. That while I definitely needed to be reminded of that, this was exciting, breaking news to Sarah that her kind words and deeds were indeed noticed and appreciated by her Heavenly Father.

It is so easy to become discouraged. To think that our efforts are in vain, our kindess wasted. To work and work and not feel like anybody notices or appreciates. How sweet to know that God knows. And not only does He know, but He actually prefers that we be willing to work without the praise and recognition the world seeks. I absolutely believe in the power of encouragement and know better than anybody how refreshing and motivating it is to hear appreciative words or recieve thoughtful, positive recognition. I believe we are called to give that to our brothers and sisters in Christ. But I also know that Matthew 6:3 tells us, "But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,". This tells us that we are not to do good out of a desire for that praise or recognition, but because it is the right thing to do. I was told once that character is who you are when no one is looking. I am thankful for a school that encourages and recognizes kindness, respect and good behavior. But I am even more thankful to serve a God who longs to make our hearts more like His. I pray that if others see kindness and respect from my children it won't just be in order to win prizes. I pray that not only my children, but myself as well, will keep our eyes on a greater inheritance. Even better than ice cream from the Pig. :)

" Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. ⁹ Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

1 Peter 3:8-9

Knock, Knock

So I know that this has been a slow month of blogging for me and that when I have blogged it's been a little bit of a downer. I am proud to announce that I am finally feeling like a somewhat normal human being again, and today, I've even been productive. You have to understand, I don't know where the month of November went. In addition to grieving and being prescribed a medicine that made me CA-RAZY, I just have not been able to shake this stinkin' cold.  When we got back from Ga. Kate woke up about 2:00 Sunday morning puking. So much fun. It was one of those, clean up, doze off for 3 1/2 minutes, wake up to puking child, clean up, doze off for 3 1/2 minutes, and well you get the picture. Sure enough Josh woke up with it. He preached Sunday morning, but Sunday afternoon as he was hugging the toilet I suggested that maybe he should stay home Sunday night. I assured him our church members would thank him. So, it's just been a rough go around here. I went to bed last night determined that this week was going to be better.

So far, so good. I started making lists today. That's right, making my lists and checking them twice. :)  We all know the craziness December brings and I am determined to get a handle on it and ENJOY as much of this time as possible. I am so not a list maker, but for some reason it made me feel in control today. First, I made a list of people to buy for. I thought it would make me feel good to check off the people I've bought for until I soon realized they were way outnumbered by the people I haven't. Oh well. Next list. It is my to do list of things we need to do around the house. Like clean, Everything. And decorate the tree. And oh yeah, get a tree. :)  Okay, so I moved on from those lists and decided to write down all of the things I want to get the kids. I know it will probably stress some of you out that I do not already have that shopping done, but we have always just waited and gone and done all of our shopping at one time for the kids. Mostly because it is impossible to hide presents from my kids so it helps to wait until the last minute. And....apparentlly there are 4 billion toys that come out in the weeks leading up to Christmas and my kids want them all. :) So anyway, that was really fun. I am so thankful for the internet and being able to compare prices and check out reviews online.  My goal is to map out my shopping so that I can just run to the store and BAM! BAM! BAM! Get my stuff and go!! I do better when I plan ahead when it comes to shopping. So, while I don't actually have anything DONE, I do have a plan and that makes me feel better. :)

Well, as exciting as all of that is to you, I thought I would leave you with some sayings (and sightings) that have made me laugh.

*Our first night in Georgia we thought it would be super fun for all of the cousins to have a sleepover in my nepehw's room. Yeah, we don't know what we were thinking either. Anyway, my sister had the baby monitor on and let me tell you, it almost made me want to go get one even though my kids don't really  need one anymore. I would totally start a blog called "Overheard on the Baby Monitor".  Oh.My.Word.

First, we heard Sarah being the responsible oldest cousin. She kept trying to calm Luke (age 2) and Kate (age 3) down. We heard her saying over and over, "Alright big fella, alright big fella."  It wasn't long until we heard the high pitched voice of Kate saying, "Alright little fella, alright little fella". That girl has such bossiness issues. She eats it up when she has someone smaller than her around to tell what to do.  Then, hysterical laughter ensued. I mean, rolling on the floor, tears coming out of your eyes laughing. High pitched, squealing toddler laughter. Sarah, again being the responsible one says, "It's not funny over here."  Two seconds later Eli chimes in with, "It's not funny over here, either!" 

The Responsible One

The 2 Silly Gooses

*My children have a new favorite activity. Telling knock, knock jokes. Except they don't really get it. This is what we heard on our trip this weekend:  "Knock, knock."  "Who's There?"  "Banana."  "Banana who?"  "Orange Banana."  The best was when Kate got in on the action. "Knock, knock."  "Who's There?"  "Banana." "Banana who?"  "Strawberry shortcake."  We're going to have to work on our jokes......

*Knock, knock jokes aren't the only thing my kids don't quite get. It's probably a good thing, but they seem to be lacking in sarcasm skills as well. At one point in the car on the way back I asked Eli, "Could y'all find something else to argue about?"  His response? "But we don't have anything else to argue about."    :)

KNOCK, KNOCK

*As if my kids don't provide enough laughter in my life, I got to go to dance today. If I tell you that I teach 10 3-4 year olds ballet, tap and tumbling for an hour and a half will you instantly know that our class would put a SNL skit to shame? Please envision my little girls doing a sweet dance to "Silent Night". Pretty twirls and rocking the baby. Then, imagine them ending on one knee with their arms in a beautiful pose. Then, imagine looking in the mirror and glancing at their poses until you reach the two on the end, one with her hands around the other girl's neck, choke hold style.  After surviving Silent Night, we worked on our tap routine to "Jingle Bells". One of the girl's still had her jingle bell tutu on during tumbling and I was taken by surprise when her Mom came running in during class yelling, "Get that out of your nose!"  Yes, she had her jingle bell in her nose. I took that opportunity to educate all of my girls on the danger of jingle bells up there noses. Tis' the season....

I hope these things have put a smile on your face too! Speaking of smiles, I have to tell y'all one more hilarious thing. I got an e-mail tonight saying I was given a blog award by Dental Hygienist Schools. I feel both honored and incredulous. They said they not only want to encourage dental hygiene, but also encourage people dealing with family frustrations. I may not cover the dental hygiene on this blog, but I sure do cover some family frustrations!!! Will y'all think I'm obnoxious if I post my award on my blog? Maybe it will remind me to make my kids brush their teeth every night........