Well, it is the 15th and the day that I appointed to choose a new memory verse. For those of you who are joining in memorizing verses I hope that you have had success with your first one. I chose Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in all situations, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God." Yay! I just wrote that from memory! Okay, I totally checked it to make sure, but still, I wrote it! Please don't think I'm bragging. Anyone who has spent 5 minutes with me knows what a miraculous feat this is. Last night I reached across the table for a condiment and had to ask what I was reaching for. Seriously. I totally blog so that I will have any memory of my life whatsoever. I really need to take those vitamins that help with your memory. I just can't remember what they're called.....or to take them.....
So, anyway, tonight is the night I share my new verse. I actually shared it last night. It was one of those verses that just screamed, "YOU NEED TO LEARN ME, REMEMBER ME AND LIVE ME!!" Here it is:
"Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else," (Galatians 6:4)
Let me tell you why this speaks to me right now. I'm a huge comparerer (that is so not a word, but do you know what I mean?) I constantly compare myself to other people. I'm not as pretty as this person or as crafty as that one and I'm not as good a Mom as this person and on and on and you get the picture. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop at the superficial, but overlaps in my spiritual life. If only I was as disciplined as this person or as giving or whatever. I find myself longing for the gifts and talents others have.
This was an especially big deal for me in Mississippi. At our church there (which was my first experience as a preacher's wife) we had a church member who just happened to also be one of the former pastor's wives. In fact, they had served there for over 20 years. Mrs. Pugh was her name and I adored her. Pugh is pronounced "Pew" and isn't that the perfect preacher wife name? But gosh darnit, I could never be her. She is in her 80's now and probably still has more energy and motivation than me. As a young PW she raised 8 (yes, I said 8!) children and they all went in church. No nursery. And she planted beuatiful rose bushes in the yard of the pastorium. And she sings in the choir. And she was super involved in the community. I already had quite a complex because I don't sing or play the piano or have any of the other skills or talents preacher's wives are supposed to have. I mean, I dance y'all. Not exactly Baptist preacher wife material. Mrs. Pugh was nothing but sweetness to me and such an encourager. I can't tell you how many Sundays she would wrap her understanding arms around me and tell me how she remembered the days of getting youngins ready for church while the hubby is already off at church. It was such a gift to have her there to share her wisdom and compassion. And yet, as always, I found myself constantly feeling "less than". The thing is, I have the ability to feel that way without anybody ever helping me. Isn't that special?
Finally, there was a day I was driving the county roads and whining to God about how I wasn't Mrs. Pugh and He interrupted me. He told me that if the church needed another Mrs. Pugh, He would have made me another Mrs. Pugh. It dawned on me that many of the skills and talents Mrs. Pugh has better served her generation, but there were gifts and talents He gave me that were better suited for my generation. It was that gentle reminder that, oh yeah, He is in control and knows what He's doing.
I don't know if any of you struggle with being a "comparerer", but I'm tired of it. I mean, literally tired. I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to be other people. I've recently realized how much time I've missed out on real growth in my personal strengths and gifts because I've been working so hard to have other people's. Basically, God has had to have a heart to heart with me about the fact that any skills, talents, gifts, abilities, temperament, personality, whatever I have were given for HIS GLORY, not mine. That may mean that there are jobs He gives me that warrant no special attention or recognition while someone else may get that attention and recognition. It means that certain things God asks of me may be harder or easier than what He asks of someone else. It is not important that I keep a running tally of what so and so has done and what I'm doing or think I should be doing. It is important that every day I am seeking what God asks of ME and that I am being faithful and obedient to that call. I am eager to no longer live in the bondage of constantly comparing myself to others. Instead of reaching, stretching, and jumping to keep up with what everybody else is doing, I just want to stand tall knowing I've stayed focused on what I've been asked to do. And to realize that nothing compares with His greatness!
So, what is your verse? You don't have to write a War and Peace epic like me to explain it, but please share!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Not Me
Last night I was driving home from the grocery store. That's another random fact you can know about me. I like to go grocery shopping late at night after everybody is in bed. I'm anti-social that way. Anyway, I made a turn and my eyes immediately spotted a police officer. My first thought- 'Oh crud.' I don't know why. I wasn't even doing anything wrong. At the exact same moment I thought that a car sped by cutting somebody off. My thought then was, 'Ooooh! Ooooh! Did you see that? Look what he did!" My next thought was, 'Hello Emily from 2nd grade, when did you join the party?' Nevermind that I've been driving with an expired license for 5 months (please don't turn me in. Do you know it takes an act of congress to renew your license?) Anyway, isn't it amazing how quickly we can find somebody else's faults and point them out? Whether the 2nd grade tattletale comes out or we "politely" share a prayer request about that person in that bad situation, bless their hearts (In case you don't know, saying "bless their hearts" after talking bad about somebody makes it ok. Or so that's what we think.) there is something so appealing about focusing on other people.
Kids are the experts in this area. In fact, not only can they find the fault in others or place the blame on brothers and sisters, they can pass the buck onto nothingness. Let me explain. Last year my kids were on a kick that everytime I would ask, "WHO DUMPED THE CRACKERS ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND STEPPED ON THEM???" they would answer, "NOT ME!". "WHO PAINTED THE BEDSPREAD WITH NAIL POLISH????" "NOT ME!!" For the record, the "NOT ME" would be repeated 3 times. It got so bad that my Mom actually made a Christmas stocking with NOT ME written on it. We're planning to claim him on our taxes. It's been a big joke around here, but I have to be honest tonight. Lately, I've found myself doing some soul searching and have come to the conclusion that I am as guilty as my kids at claiming "NOT ME!"
It doesn't always come out as that. Sometimes it's more like "At least I'm not that bad" or "I don't do that." Nevermind the 50 other sins in my life that are equally as grievous to God. This has been a hard lesson for me. We are told that the Lord disciplines those He loves (Proverbs 3:12) and I can't lie, I have felt like a 5 year old sent to my room to think about it. It is often easy to pretend that I am better than I am. I am a preacher's wife for pete's sake. But at the end of the day, I'm just a sinner saved by grace. And man does it seem like I need that grace more and more! I remember days of feeling proud of myself for going to church, not just on Sunday, but on Wednesday night, too. There are so many areas that were once struggles for me as a Christian that seem like nothing now. But I've always heard that the closer you draw to God the more you begin to see yourself for who you really are. I don't mean that to sound arrogant, like I am just so tight with God. But I have had 17 years of growing and learning and what I'm saying is that He doesn't let me off as easy anymore. He has this way of seeing all of the things that others can't. The selfishness, self-absorption, pride, laziness.....maybe I'll just stop there. Like I said, it's been rough. Because He always loves me right where I am, but He loves me in a way that He can't let me stay there. It's a beautiful kind of love, but it's not an easy one.
There was a day not long after I lost my Dad when I was in the trenches of grieving. It was bad. It hurt bad. It was the first time in my life that I felt like I truly understood the word "grieve". I thought about Ephesians 4:30, "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." It goes on to say, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. " Those are the things that grieve God. That verse washed over me fresh as I grieved and wondered, "Is this how I make God feel?"
I will tell you right now that I believe in security of the believer. I believe that if you confess your sins and repent of them and profess Jesus as your Lord and Savior that you are secure in your salvation and you will spend eternity in Heaven. I know there are many who have different ideas and opinions and I know there are those who use that security to continue to sin in their life. We will all sin because we are human and fallen, but what changes when we accept the grace that comes from God is that it will break our hearts to break His heart. We can point the finger elsewhere and claim, "Not me!" all we want, but we will not have peace until we make peace with Him.
This is the lesson I'm learning: "Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else," (Galatians 6:4)
Kids are the experts in this area. In fact, not only can they find the fault in others or place the blame on brothers and sisters, they can pass the buck onto nothingness. Let me explain. Last year my kids were on a kick that everytime I would ask, "WHO DUMPED THE CRACKERS ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND STEPPED ON THEM???" they would answer, "NOT ME!". "WHO PAINTED THE BEDSPREAD WITH NAIL POLISH????" "NOT ME!!" For the record, the "NOT ME" would be repeated 3 times. It got so bad that my Mom actually made a Christmas stocking with NOT ME written on it. We're planning to claim him on our taxes. It's been a big joke around here, but I have to be honest tonight. Lately, I've found myself doing some soul searching and have come to the conclusion that I am as guilty as my kids at claiming "NOT ME!"
It doesn't always come out as that. Sometimes it's more like "At least I'm not that bad" or "I don't do that." Nevermind the 50 other sins in my life that are equally as grievous to God. This has been a hard lesson for me. We are told that the Lord disciplines those He loves (Proverbs 3:12) and I can't lie, I have felt like a 5 year old sent to my room to think about it. It is often easy to pretend that I am better than I am. I am a preacher's wife for pete's sake. But at the end of the day, I'm just a sinner saved by grace. And man does it seem like I need that grace more and more! I remember days of feeling proud of myself for going to church, not just on Sunday, but on Wednesday night, too. There are so many areas that were once struggles for me as a Christian that seem like nothing now. But I've always heard that the closer you draw to God the more you begin to see yourself for who you really are. I don't mean that to sound arrogant, like I am just so tight with God. But I have had 17 years of growing and learning and what I'm saying is that He doesn't let me off as easy anymore. He has this way of seeing all of the things that others can't. The selfishness, self-absorption, pride, laziness.....maybe I'll just stop there. Like I said, it's been rough. Because He always loves me right where I am, but He loves me in a way that He can't let me stay there. It's a beautiful kind of love, but it's not an easy one.
There was a day not long after I lost my Dad when I was in the trenches of grieving. It was bad. It hurt bad. It was the first time in my life that I felt like I truly understood the word "grieve". I thought about Ephesians 4:30, "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." It goes on to say, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. " Those are the things that grieve God. That verse washed over me fresh as I grieved and wondered, "Is this how I make God feel?"
I will tell you right now that I believe in security of the believer. I believe that if you confess your sins and repent of them and profess Jesus as your Lord and Savior that you are secure in your salvation and you will spend eternity in Heaven. I know there are many who have different ideas and opinions and I know there are those who use that security to continue to sin in their life. We will all sin because we are human and fallen, but what changes when we accept the grace that comes from God is that it will break our hearts to break His heart. We can point the finger elsewhere and claim, "Not me!" all we want, but we will not have peace until we make peace with Him.
This is the lesson I'm learning: "Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else," (Galatians 6:4)
Thursday, January 13, 2011
If You Could Describe Me in One Word, I'm Sure It Would Be Style :)
So, here are the rules:
1. Make a post + Link back to the person who awarded you this award
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers so we can share the love
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them they’ve been tagged.
Seven Random Things: (Yes, I am aware that there is not much I haven't shared with y'all. This could be tough.....)
1. In high school my nickname was Skeezit. You see, I had these crazy hairs that stuck out whenever I wore my hair up (which was ALL of the time) and I met a girl who told me they were called skeezits. I can't explain them, so I will have to show you a picture that will a. maybe give you nightmares and b. make you think that I look totally awesome in every picture I show you of myself from here on out.
2. I have a thing for royal weddings. We were watching something the other night about Prince Andrew and Fergie (the duchess, not the black eyed pea) and I said something about being 6 when they got married. I was just guessing at how old I was, but then they showed the year and sure enough, I was 6! How did I remember that? I don't remember what kind of birthday party I had, but I remember Prince Andrew and Fergie's anniversary. Go figure! I was equally obsessed with Princess Diana and even had her paper doll with all of her famous outfits. Am I the only one who played with paper dolls?
3. I'm a *little* competitive. I always say that I'm not, but since we've gotten the Wii it seems to have really resurfaced. Okay, so maybe by competitive I mean trash talker. I don't know what comes over me y'all. I don't like to lose. Is that bad? And if I do lose, you're going to hear about it! (For the record, Eli totally inherited this gene. It is genetic, Eli proves it. That boy can trash talk like.....well, like his Mama. :)
4. I am an infomercial, as seen on TV, new product junkie. I got a Yoshi blade before Thanksgiving and I think my family became concerned I had formed an unhealthy attachment to it. I especially love cleaning products. You should have seen me when Magic Erasers first came out. I went all over our house dragging Josh to show him how the crayons came off the wall. I still heart Magic Erasers. Febreeze with Gain and Pledge with Lavender Febreeze are my new faves. My sister got the Shark steam mop for Christmas and I'm totally jealous. I think my Mom is concerned we were both kidnapped and brainwashed by aliens as we had no interest in cleaning products whatsoever when we lived with her. :)
5. I've never flown on an airplane. Pretty sure I'm the only person left on the planet that hasn't. I'm not scared either, just haven't had the chance. Hopefully soon!
6. I love to be at home. I am pretty outgoing and I really like to go and do, but most of the time I'm totally content to just hang out and read or watch movies. Lately, I've even enjoyed having time to just do housework. It's been relaxing. Again, my Mom is probably on her way over now to check if I have a fever. :)
7. I am way super sensitive to smells. This first presented in my early pregnancy with Sarah. I walked into a grocery store with Josh and said, "Do you smell that popcorn?" And it wasn't at a place that popped popcorn. I mean, I could smell it in the package! This is both a gift and a curse. I spend a lot of time saying "What's that smell?" (Eli got this from me, too) and trying to make things smell good. Candles, air fresheners, perfumes, you name it, I'm a little obssessed with them! My favorite perfumes are Heavenly and Rapture from Victoria Secret. Very appropriate for the preacher's wife, don't you think? :)
Okay, now that I've proven I'm as boring and uninteresting as we all thought, I will tag my fellow bloggers!
1. Ms. Terri at Southern Words and Ways (Ms. Terri was my boss and is a true Southern Belle. You should check out her blog!)
2. Melody at Life is A Bowl of Wedgies (I adore this blog and blogger!)
3. Patty at Welcome to Pattyville (Love Patty's sweet heart and she is the place to go for book reviews!)
4. Amber at The Journey of a Mother's Heart (You will fall in love with her and her sweet family!)
5. Lauran at The Ellis Nest (Lauran is my cousin and the MOST deserving of any kind of style award. She has it all! Fashion, interior design, everything. She's one of those people who makes camo look stylish!)
6. Lori at The Foremans (Lori is my recently discovered long lost twin. We are soul sistas and she may not take this as a compliment, but we have similar styles. When we went on our girl's weekend I asked her if my new flats were ugly and she pulled out the exact same pair in a different color! She gives me hope that sometimes I'm on the right track. :)
7. Sarah at The List-An Adventurer's Guide to Life (Sarah is just fabulous in every way. At our 10 year reunion we couldn't quit gushing over how beautiful she is!)
8. Ann at Wow This Is Harder Than I Thought (I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to share life with this sweet girl through our blogs. She is an amazing wife and Mom and has the cutest family!)
9. Deborah at Deborah's Distractions (This lady is neck deep in wedding planning and is probably too busy to do this, but she totally rocks! I am inspired by her energy and creativity!)
10. Karen at Reflective Reasonings (My bestie. I would love to see if she comes up with stuff I don't know about her. :)
11. Cindy at Musings From a Minister's Wife (Cindy is one of my real life friends and I love her heart for God and other people!)
12. Pao Ying at Pocket of Fulll Life (I have been friends with Pao since 3rd grade and she still amazes me. She is one of the most interesting people I know and has such a passion for life!)
13. Kim at Just Call Me Suzie Homemaker (Kim just started this blog and it is so great. She is so talented!)
14. Marla at The Watson Gang (Marla is also my cousin and even though we didn't grow up close to each other, I have learned from FB that some things are truly genetic. Like loving naps and not being a fan of Christmas music. I would love to see her random things!)
15. Amy at Hallelujahers, Homeschool, and Hay Barrells (Amy is a real life friend who shares the roles of preacher wife and mother to young children. We also share a penchant for getting behind chicken trucks and hay barrells. :)
Wow, can't belive I had 15 people to tag. :) I hope you will all play along. I look forward to learning more about you. And if you weren't tagged, you can tell me random things about you in the comments!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I Believe That Children Are Our Future
I had a moment today that has my heart swelled up about 15 times bigger than normal and I can't stop thanking God. Today was my day in the nursery at church and my "big" kids always end up hanging out in there with me. We ended up being the only ones today and I was kicking myself for not being brave enough to just take them in service. But I was trying to give it a little time in case somebody came in late and by then, there was no way to make a quiet, inconspicious entrance. So, animal crackers and coloring books it was. But I soon felt like it was a divine appointment. My firstborn pulled up a chair and sat at a table next to me with her Sunday School book. Her teacher asked her to teach the lesson next week and she is taking the task very seriously. She even asked for my Bible to read the Scriptures listed. I looked over and saw my child looking like this....
Oh my. I don't know if you can understand what this does to my heart. I've watched this little girl take her first steps, ride her bike without training wheels and dance like a little pro, but nothing has meant more to me than this moment. My greatest prayer for my babies has always been that not only would they come to know Jesus as their Savior, but that they would genuinely love Him and desire His Word. I know that growing up as preacher's kids has the potential to make everything about church, or to hurt my kids as so often happens in churches, or the worst for me is the thought that it would just be mundane and routine. I want desperately for them to have a passion for serving God because He is real to them, not just an obligation or a guilt trip. All of that is to say, today was a dream in the making for me. A moment when my child was excited about the opportunity to teach and serious about the task.
I won't lie, when our children's teacher started talking about the kids teaching I wasn't totally on board. I mean, what are they going to learn from kids their own age? But, after today, I'm on board. I get it. What a way to get the kids truly involved and teach them how to be leaders. I don't want to get on a soapbox here, but as a pastor's wife I know that one of the most difficult things in our churches right now is finding people who will step up and be leaders and teachers. And I feel like it's because in a lot of ways we have failed to teach people how to lead and teach. Jesus told us to make disciples, but often we just beg and plead to get people to church, but fail to do the hard, long work of making disciples. Of teaching and living and setting an example. It's my passion as a believer and I know that I fall very short. But the opportunity God has given me with my children has not been lost on me. The fact that I have a believer in my 8 year old who I can daily teach by example and study is a huge responsibility and blessing. Just in the last week or so I have really noticed how she watches me. How in her dance classes that I teach she watches me in the mirror to step exactly as I do. In the kitchen she has learned to wash the dishes and wipe down the table and counters just like I do. Tonight she helped me fold the clothes. She often treats her brother and sister more like her children, like I do. And I know that with that comes the fact that she also picks up on my frustrations and the times I lose my temper and the many, many other ways that I fail. I pray that I am quick to ask forgiveness and talk with her about how I could have done things differently. I know these days are precious and fleeting. This age of influence won't last forever. Now is my chance to invest and influence. I pray I make the most of them.
There are so many days that are full of never ending laundry, trying to get smushed bread out of the carpet (I've got to go work on that), and non-stop fussing between siblings. It easy to overlook the fact that our kids are more than a phase to survive, pictures for our frames or dolls to play dress up with. They are gifts from God that have been entrusted to us to teach, shape and mold into people He will be proud to call His own. It's a big job. Thankfully, we have a big God to teach, shape and mold us!
Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.”
Deuteronomy 4:9-10
I won't lie, when our children's teacher started talking about the kids teaching I wasn't totally on board. I mean, what are they going to learn from kids their own age? But, after today, I'm on board. I get it. What a way to get the kids truly involved and teach them how to be leaders. I don't want to get on a soapbox here, but as a pastor's wife I know that one of the most difficult things in our churches right now is finding people who will step up and be leaders and teachers. And I feel like it's because in a lot of ways we have failed to teach people how to lead and teach. Jesus told us to make disciples, but often we just beg and plead to get people to church, but fail to do the hard, long work of making disciples. Of teaching and living and setting an example. It's my passion as a believer and I know that I fall very short. But the opportunity God has given me with my children has not been lost on me. The fact that I have a believer in my 8 year old who I can daily teach by example and study is a huge responsibility and blessing. Just in the last week or so I have really noticed how she watches me. How in her dance classes that I teach she watches me in the mirror to step exactly as I do. In the kitchen she has learned to wash the dishes and wipe down the table and counters just like I do. Tonight she helped me fold the clothes. She often treats her brother and sister more like her children, like I do. And I know that with that comes the fact that she also picks up on my frustrations and the times I lose my temper and the many, many other ways that I fail. I pray that I am quick to ask forgiveness and talk with her about how I could have done things differently. I know these days are precious and fleeting. This age of influence won't last forever. Now is my chance to invest and influence. I pray I make the most of them.
There are so many days that are full of never ending laundry, trying to get smushed bread out of the carpet (I've got to go work on that), and non-stop fussing between siblings. It easy to overlook the fact that our kids are more than a phase to survive, pictures for our frames or dolls to play dress up with. They are gifts from God that have been entrusted to us to teach, shape and mold into people He will be proud to call His own. It's a big job. Thankfully, we have a big God to teach, shape and mold us!
Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.”
Deuteronomy 4:9-10
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Regrouping
re·group verb \(ˌ)rē-ˈgrüp\
1. :to reorganize (as after a setback) for renewed activity.
In Sarah's homework tonight she had to do some "regrouping". Do y'all know what I'm talking about? Moving the bigger number to the top to subtract the smaller number? Yes, I know, my mathematical expertise is phenomenal. :) Well, it just struck a chord with me about something I was already thinking about and I thought I would share.
We all know the most difficult part of moving, right? Yes. Finding a new hairstylist. Ladies, I know you know what I'm talking about. You can't trust your hair with just anyone. It's a pretty big deal. Well, I have found a lady here who I adore and totally trust with my hair. She is the next door over from the dance studio and is sweet enough to let me stick my head in and holler, "Can I come after dance?" And she always says yes. All of that was a very long, unecessarily detailed way to tell you about this conversation that came up at the beauty shop today. (Does anybody still call it the beauty shop?) We were talking about someone being young and unmarried and needing to follow their dreams and work on their career now. I shared that I myelf was married with two kids (ages 3 and an infant to be exact) when I got my college degree. My hair stylist asked me if I ever speak to young girls and at first I was confused. What did she mean? Like to discourage them from getting married and having babies? Then I realized she meant speaking to groups to encourage them that they could still accomplish their goals. Because I think too much, that got me to thinking the whole time she was taming my mane.
I started thinking about what I would say to a group of young girls if I had the chance. And the truth is that I don't feel like I could honestly ever stand in front of a group and say "You should go to school full-time while you have 2 babies and a husband and tons of other responsibilities." But I also know I could NEVER say, "Once you get married you'll never go back to school" which is something I heard quite a bit. I think what I would share with them is some of the things I've learned. The first thing being, God's plans are not our plans.
I've often shared that I am not a very good planner and I really feel like that goes back to my early college days. I had tried so hard to be the responsible, work hard, make good grades, have my life figured out at 18 girl. I came up with a plan and prayed God would bless it. God had other plans. I was not like so many other girls I met at college who were desperate to be married. You know the ones I'm talking about? They had their weddings planned and their children named and all they needed was a husband. Of course, I wanted to be married someday. I just honestlly never expected it to happen as early in life as it did. I had planned to find a college sweetheart that I would bring home to meet the family and we would marry the week after college graduation. I had no clue I would leave behind a high school sweetheart and spend the first year and a half of college totally lovesick without him. I wasn't one of those girls. But I was. Josh proposed to me in September of my sophomore year of college. We married that June. Just months before our wedding I was accepted into the very challenging Communication Disorders program at FSU in Tallahassee. Anyway, Josh immediately started looking for a job in Tallahassee. He found one and we moved into our shoebox apartment. I started school and he worked 12-18 hour days delivering bread. We didn't have a honeymoon. Our first year together was spent apart more than together due to his work schedule and my school schedule. We did see each other enough to find out 5 months after our wedding that we would be welcoming a new family member in July of the next year! The thing about that news was that we had just had THE TALK. You know, the one where we discussed how I would finish my masters and he would go back to school and we would do this and do that and THEN like 15 years later, we would be ready for kids. :) THE PLAN. I just always smile when new brides to be tell me their "plan".
Josh was 20 and I was 21. To say we were young and clueless would be the understatement of the year. I often wondered if the nurses were scared to let us take Sarah home from the hospital. We were scared. Most people our ages were partying and sleeping til noon. They were "finding themselves". I had decided to take the year off of school. It was actually one of my male professors who talked with me and encouraged me to do that. He told me that I would have plenty of time for school, but that I would never get that first year of my baby's life back. Quite possibly the wisest words ever spoken to me. It was during that year that my Papaw was put on Hospice and I made the decision to go into social work. My 3rd major, for anyone keeping count. :) That first year of Sarah's was the most difficult I had experienced (at that point in life), but I know that I am who I am because of it. I learned that life doesn't revolve around me, and personally I think that is one of life's lessons that is better learned sooner than later. I learned that it is possible to love other people more than yourself. I learned that when you vow for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and for richer or poorer, you better mean the worse, sick and poor part!
I did go back to school after Sarah turned one. I finished my AA and went on to get my bachelor's in social work. I also had Eli during that time. It was a sleep deprived, live on caffeine, eat out a lot time of life but we made it. And come to think of it, most of that hasn't changed. :) But like I said earlier, I could never say that is God's plan for everyone. I had tremendous family support and a husband who worked his hiney off so that I didn't also have to work another job while going to school and raising babies. We also took out student loans that we will be paying back from our nursing home beds.
It was so hard. I'm not going to lie. And at the same time, I don't know that it would have been any different getting married at this age now. We might not have the same struggles, but I am sure we would have struggles. Because life is hard and doesn't always go according to the plan. That's why we have to regroup. If I had a visual of the paths Josh and I had drawn in our hearts for our lives and the actual paths God has led us down it would look like a hot mess of zig zags and criss crosses. We've often met ourselves coming and going. We've run from God's plan. We've run toward His plan. We've whined about the plan. We've sat and cried not knowing His plan. But the good news is, we learned very early on that we are called to seek HIS plan rather than our own.
There was a time when I felt very defined by the fact that I got married before I finished college and had babies so young. I felt like people looked down on that or were disappointed in me. It took many years for a conversation my best friend and I had in our college dorm room to sink in. She told me, "The people who matter will love you no matter what you do, and the people who don't, don't matter." (Okay, I may have not quoted that perfectly, but it has been about 11 years since I had conversations in dorm rooms :) Again, very wise words. As I sat in the chair at the beauty shop today I announced that I wouldn't change a single thing, and I meant it with every fiber in my being.
Several weeks ago I sat in my dr's office and she told me, "It is a good thing you had your babies young." She went on to tell me that if I had waited until now to start a family, I most likely wouldn't be able to. I hadn't planned to share that on here, but after my conversation today, I really felt like I should. Because maybe you are reading this and thinking that you have messed up God's plan for you. Or you don't know His plan. Or you are frustrated with His plan for you. And there have been times I have felt all of those things. But the day she spoke those words to me I knew that God had been in charge of the plan all along. He had laughed as he listened to two young, crazy in love kids plan out their life with things they thought were important. And He overruled their plan and gave them what was really important. We had to regroup. Prioritize. Put the bigs things on top. "For renewed activity". I love that part of the definition. Whatever setback or change of plans you might be experiencing, when God calls you to regroup, it will be because of a greater plan He has set in motion. It may not be easy, fun, or something to brag about. But it will bring you closer to Him. Because He is the biggest thing.
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21
1. :to reorganize (as after a setback) for renewed activity.
In Sarah's homework tonight she had to do some "regrouping". Do y'all know what I'm talking about? Moving the bigger number to the top to subtract the smaller number? Yes, I know, my mathematical expertise is phenomenal. :) Well, it just struck a chord with me about something I was already thinking about and I thought I would share.
We all know the most difficult part of moving, right? Yes. Finding a new hairstylist. Ladies, I know you know what I'm talking about. You can't trust your hair with just anyone. It's a pretty big deal. Well, I have found a lady here who I adore and totally trust with my hair. She is the next door over from the dance studio and is sweet enough to let me stick my head in and holler, "Can I come after dance?" And she always says yes. All of that was a very long, unecessarily detailed way to tell you about this conversation that came up at the beauty shop today. (Does anybody still call it the beauty shop?) We were talking about someone being young and unmarried and needing to follow their dreams and work on their career now. I shared that I myelf was married with two kids (ages 3 and an infant to be exact) when I got my college degree. My hair stylist asked me if I ever speak to young girls and at first I was confused. What did she mean? Like to discourage them from getting married and having babies? Then I realized she meant speaking to groups to encourage them that they could still accomplish their goals. Because I think too much, that got me to thinking the whole time she was taming my mane.
I started thinking about what I would say to a group of young girls if I had the chance. And the truth is that I don't feel like I could honestly ever stand in front of a group and say "You should go to school full-time while you have 2 babies and a husband and tons of other responsibilities." But I also know I could NEVER say, "Once you get married you'll never go back to school" which is something I heard quite a bit. I think what I would share with them is some of the things I've learned. The first thing being, God's plans are not our plans.
I've often shared that I am not a very good planner and I really feel like that goes back to my early college days. I had tried so hard to be the responsible, work hard, make good grades, have my life figured out at 18 girl. I came up with a plan and prayed God would bless it. God had other plans. I was not like so many other girls I met at college who were desperate to be married. You know the ones I'm talking about? They had their weddings planned and their children named and all they needed was a husband. Of course, I wanted to be married someday. I just honestlly never expected it to happen as early in life as it did. I had planned to find a college sweetheart that I would bring home to meet the family and we would marry the week after college graduation. I had no clue I would leave behind a high school sweetheart and spend the first year and a half of college totally lovesick without him. I wasn't one of those girls. But I was. Josh proposed to me in September of my sophomore year of college. We married that June. Just months before our wedding I was accepted into the very challenging Communication Disorders program at FSU in Tallahassee. Anyway, Josh immediately started looking for a job in Tallahassee. He found one and we moved into our shoebox apartment. I started school and he worked 12-18 hour days delivering bread. We didn't have a honeymoon. Our first year together was spent apart more than together due to his work schedule and my school schedule. We did see each other enough to find out 5 months after our wedding that we would be welcoming a new family member in July of the next year! The thing about that news was that we had just had THE TALK. You know, the one where we discussed how I would finish my masters and he would go back to school and we would do this and do that and THEN like 15 years later, we would be ready for kids. :) THE PLAN. I just always smile when new brides to be tell me their "plan".
Josh was 20 and I was 21. To say we were young and clueless would be the understatement of the year. I often wondered if the nurses were scared to let us take Sarah home from the hospital. We were scared. Most people our ages were partying and sleeping til noon. They were "finding themselves". I had decided to take the year off of school. It was actually one of my male professors who talked with me and encouraged me to do that. He told me that I would have plenty of time for school, but that I would never get that first year of my baby's life back. Quite possibly the wisest words ever spoken to me. It was during that year that my Papaw was put on Hospice and I made the decision to go into social work. My 3rd major, for anyone keeping count. :) That first year of Sarah's was the most difficult I had experienced (at that point in life), but I know that I am who I am because of it. I learned that life doesn't revolve around me, and personally I think that is one of life's lessons that is better learned sooner than later. I learned that it is possible to love other people more than yourself. I learned that when you vow for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and for richer or poorer, you better mean the worse, sick and poor part!
I did go back to school after Sarah turned one. I finished my AA and went on to get my bachelor's in social work. I also had Eli during that time. It was a sleep deprived, live on caffeine, eat out a lot time of life but we made it. And come to think of it, most of that hasn't changed. :) But like I said earlier, I could never say that is God's plan for everyone. I had tremendous family support and a husband who worked his hiney off so that I didn't also have to work another job while going to school and raising babies. We also took out student loans that we will be paying back from our nursing home beds.
It was so hard. I'm not going to lie. And at the same time, I don't know that it would have been any different getting married at this age now. We might not have the same struggles, but I am sure we would have struggles. Because life is hard and doesn't always go according to the plan. That's why we have to regroup. If I had a visual of the paths Josh and I had drawn in our hearts for our lives and the actual paths God has led us down it would look like a hot mess of zig zags and criss crosses. We've often met ourselves coming and going. We've run from God's plan. We've run toward His plan. We've whined about the plan. We've sat and cried not knowing His plan. But the good news is, we learned very early on that we are called to seek HIS plan rather than our own.
There was a time when I felt very defined by the fact that I got married before I finished college and had babies so young. I felt like people looked down on that or were disappointed in me. It took many years for a conversation my best friend and I had in our college dorm room to sink in. She told me, "The people who matter will love you no matter what you do, and the people who don't, don't matter." (Okay, I may have not quoted that perfectly, but it has been about 11 years since I had conversations in dorm rooms :) Again, very wise words. As I sat in the chair at the beauty shop today I announced that I wouldn't change a single thing, and I meant it with every fiber in my being.
Several weeks ago I sat in my dr's office and she told me, "It is a good thing you had your babies young." She went on to tell me that if I had waited until now to start a family, I most likely wouldn't be able to. I hadn't planned to share that on here, but after my conversation today, I really felt like I should. Because maybe you are reading this and thinking that you have messed up God's plan for you. Or you don't know His plan. Or you are frustrated with His plan for you. And there have been times I have felt all of those things. But the day she spoke those words to me I knew that God had been in charge of the plan all along. He had laughed as he listened to two young, crazy in love kids plan out their life with things they thought were important. And He overruled their plan and gave them what was really important. We had to regroup. Prioritize. Put the bigs things on top. "For renewed activity". I love that part of the definition. Whatever setback or change of plans you might be experiencing, when God calls you to regroup, it will be because of a greater plan He has set in motion. It may not be easy, fun, or something to brag about. But it will bring you closer to Him. Because He is the biggest thing.
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Top Reasons I Won't Win Mother of the Year
* I went to the grocery store and didn't buy a single sweet treat my kids like because I know that after they go to bed I would eat it all.
* Eli got out his backpack today to get it ready for school tomorrow and it still had papers from his last day two weeks ago. It also had really cute Christmas ornaments that obvioulsy did not get hung on the tree this year.
* My child left church tonight with no pants on. I am so serious. Josh hurt his back yesterday, so today before I left for work at 2:30 I went ahead and dressed Kate and put her socks and shoes on for church so Josh wouldn't have to bend over to do it. Well, 6 hours later it seems that her Pull-Up just wasn't up to snuff. Thankfully, there were extra Pull-Ups in the nursery. My potty training efforts=FAIL. Josh's ability to remember the backpack with Pull-Ups=FAIL. The fact our church members haven't called DCF on us=MIRACLE.
* We have gotten a tad bit off schedule during the holiday break. I'll just admit it. Last week, we did NOTHING. It was the greatest week of my life. Seriously. Anyway, we started back to dance on Monday and went to a birthday supper last night and tonight was dance and church, and tomorrow we start back to school. So, the routine is kicking back in. I realized just how much we had gotten off of the routine when I noticed a dirt ring around Eli's neck. I ushered my children to the bathroom and asked, "When was the last time y'all had a bath?" Eli's answer, "I just walked through the rain, does that count?" What can I say? With a mother like me it the best they can hope for.....
* Eli got out his backpack today to get it ready for school tomorrow and it still had papers from his last day two weeks ago. It also had really cute Christmas ornaments that obvioulsy did not get hung on the tree this year.
* My child left church tonight with no pants on. I am so serious. Josh hurt his back yesterday, so today before I left for work at 2:30 I went ahead and dressed Kate and put her socks and shoes on for church so Josh wouldn't have to bend over to do it. Well, 6 hours later it seems that her Pull-Up just wasn't up to snuff. Thankfully, there were extra Pull-Ups in the nursery. My potty training efforts=FAIL. Josh's ability to remember the backpack with Pull-Ups=FAIL. The fact our church members haven't called DCF on us=MIRACLE.
* We have gotten a tad bit off schedule during the holiday break. I'll just admit it. Last week, we did NOTHING. It was the greatest week of my life. Seriously. Anyway, we started back to dance on Monday and went to a birthday supper last night and tonight was dance and church, and tomorrow we start back to school. So, the routine is kicking back in. I realized just how much we had gotten off of the routine when I noticed a dirt ring around Eli's neck. I ushered my children to the bathroom and asked, "When was the last time y'all had a bath?" Eli's answer, "I just walked through the rain, does that count?" What can I say? With a mother like me it the best they can hope for.....
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Will You Join Me?
I have grown up, so to speak, doing Beth Moore Bible studies and enjoy reading her blog. Something her ministry is doing is asking blog readers to memorize two Bible verses a month. On the 1st and the 15th. She has a small spiral notebook she keeps the verses in to have handy at all times. Well, I attempted last time and I think I made it to two verses, period. Pretty sorry. I admit I am a bit shy and overwhelmed by the huge number of bloggers who share on her blog, so I thought maybe some of you would want to do this here with me? If not, I'm totally used to rejection, it's okay. :)
All I'm going to do is post my verses on the 1st and the 15th. There won't be specific verses to memorize. Every person chooses whatever verse they feel is speaking to them at that time. I will post my verse and maybe share a little bit about why it is important to me or what it is saying to me or something like that. Then, if you like, you can comment with your verse. And, I promise I won't, like hunt you down and tie you to a chair and make you spout off verses or anything like that. I just thought this would be something that would hold me accountable and give me a chance to know more about y'all and how to pray for you more specifically. And seriously, it's 20 minutes shy of the midnight mark and I've been planning to blog this for over a week. I need all the accountability I can get!!
So, here goes. I'm kind of cheating because I'm choosing a very familiar verse for me, but I realized I know the first part, but kind of mumble through the rest of it. As I've shared I can really struggle with letting my thoughts get the best of me, and I want desperately to have a year that I turn EVERYTHING over to God and truly trust Him. Here goes:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Philippians 4:6
I am praying this will become the constant attitude of my heart this year and that I can memorize the verses. And I'm starting with this one so I won't have anxiety over memorizing verses. :) I will learn it the way I just posted it from the NIV, because that is the original translation I learned it in many, many years ago. You can share the translation you are using just in case someone else wants to look it up, too.
Hope you all have had an awesome start to the New Year! I look forward to the journey we are beginning and hope y'all will stay on as my traveling buddies!
P.S. Please forgive me if none of this made a bit of sense. I think I stayed up too late last night. And that's saying a lot for me. :)
All I'm going to do is post my verses on the 1st and the 15th. There won't be specific verses to memorize. Every person chooses whatever verse they feel is speaking to them at that time. I will post my verse and maybe share a little bit about why it is important to me or what it is saying to me or something like that. Then, if you like, you can comment with your verse. And, I promise I won't, like hunt you down and tie you to a chair and make you spout off verses or anything like that. I just thought this would be something that would hold me accountable and give me a chance to know more about y'all and how to pray for you more specifically. And seriously, it's 20 minutes shy of the midnight mark and I've been planning to blog this for over a week. I need all the accountability I can get!!
So, here goes. I'm kind of cheating because I'm choosing a very familiar verse for me, but I realized I know the first part, but kind of mumble through the rest of it. As I've shared I can really struggle with letting my thoughts get the best of me, and I want desperately to have a year that I turn EVERYTHING over to God and truly trust Him. Here goes:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Philippians 4:6
I am praying this will become the constant attitude of my heart this year and that I can memorize the verses. And I'm starting with this one so I won't have anxiety over memorizing verses. :) I will learn it the way I just posted it from the NIV, because that is the original translation I learned it in many, many years ago. You can share the translation you are using just in case someone else wants to look it up, too.
Hope you all have had an awesome start to the New Year! I look forward to the journey we are beginning and hope y'all will stay on as my traveling buddies!
P.S. Please forgive me if none of this made a bit of sense. I think I stayed up too late last night. And that's saying a lot for me. :)
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