A Dark Cloud

Image courtesy of Google Images

At the end of last school year Eli developed a weather phobia. I didn't realize that's what was going on. I just knew I would wake up in the morning and he would already be on the computer checking weatherchannel.com. How'd he even learn to do that? Anyway, I later found out that he had been upset one day at school during bad weather, but his reading teacher shared that she has a weather phobia of her own and was very compassionate and kind and calmed him down.

Then, the summer started. I haven't checked any records, but I'm thinking this was a record breaking summer for bad weather. In our family it was also a record breaking summer for nerves, public meltdowns and repeated use of the phrase, "It's fine. There's nothing to be scared of." By the way, I don't think you are supposed to say that to people and minimize what they are going through. And by the way, it doesn't help anyway.

I don't know if it was that the weather was so much worse during the summer or just that we were out in it more, but Eli began to have extreme anxiety over a cloud. Or a breeze. And what I mean by that is that in the course of a week we left 2 parks, a beach and a pool due to the weather. Granted, a couple of times we really had to leave because the weather was bad, but one of the times it was merely breezy. And my child came running across the park screaming like someone was chasing him with a butcher knife screaming, "I WANNA GO HOME! I WANNA GO HOME!" 

I won't lie. It's been frustrating. It's been heartbreaking. It's felt hopeless. I've felt helpless. My child will most likely grow up to be a meteorologist because Josh constantly explains what is going on to him. As someone who can at times be oblivious to the weather, I am now painfully aware every time a dark cloud hovers overhead. 

We've tried to get to the root of when this started and I thought it might go back to this experience, but finally  Eli told me that in kindergarten his teacher read a story about a boy who blew away in a hurricane. Awesome. I'm sure it was a cute, funny story but obviously it traumatized my child. Bless his heart, my right arm weighs more than him. Maybe he has a legitimate concern when the breeze blows! The crazy thing is that one day I was driving and it came a downpour. I've never driven in weather that bad. It was lightning like crazy. I had to turn my hazard lights on and drive extra slow. We were on our way for Josh to preach a funeral and that is a bad thing to be late for, or I would have just pulled over. I kept waiting for Eli to freak out. Truth be told, I was freaking out! It was really bad. Eli laughed about it! I didn't get it. I was so confused.

Finally, we were discussing the weather again last night and he said something that really made me think. He's not afraid when it is already raining because he knows how hard it is raining. When the dark clouds start coming, it's an unknown. It could sprinkle or it could be a hurricane. And I totally got that.

Let's face it, is there anything worse than the fear of the unknown? I've experienced that fear quite a few times. When God called us to Mississippi and neither of us had a job until literally the week before we moved. We had never even seen our house until the night we pulled up with the moving van. I've experienced a chronic illness for years that went unnamed, and I googled symptoms until I convinced myself I was dying 48 different ways. I watched my Daddy breathe on a machine for an entire week before we got the news that he was really gone. 

The thing is, in the midst of our most difficult, trying circumstances, we deal with it. We just do because that's what we have to do. Sometimes we do it with the peace and direction of Jesus and sometimes we just survive in a zombie like state. But, we get through it. It's those unknown moments that get us every time. The times when fear and the dangerous playground of our imagination shackle us and keep us in bondage to worst case scenarios and what if's. We begin to doubt God has a plan. We begin to question Him. We begin to stress and worry and take things into our hands.  The fear of the unknown is a dark cloud that does it's best to crowd out any other bright spot in our life. Our doubts and questions turn to complaints and discontentment. 

Jesus said, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? ..."

-Matthew 6:25-27

Then, we are told, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God"

-Philippians 4:6

When the dark cloud starts to loom on the horizon, we can take comfort that even if we can't see it, the sun is still in the sky. In the same way, when the unknown threatens our peace and contentment, we can know that our Heavenly Father is still there and He knows the forecast.