In the spirit of Valentine's Day (which I'm not all that big on to be honest) I've decided to dedicate a blog to my husband, co-creator, and best friend Josh. He gets mentioned in my blogs many times, but mostly it is in reference to some crazy way that he has had to bail me out of some unbelievable situtation. So, I thought I would share how much I love this person who has apparently signed some kind of contract in which he will receive a million dollars for every year he puts up with me, or something like that. I cannot figure out another reason why he has put up with me this long.
In a time when so many people have lost all hope in true and lasting love, I am so thankful to God for my love story. I know that He has written it because it has been too well orchestrated for Josh or myself who both struggle a bit in the planning area. :) Apparently it started in fifth grade when I was much more interested in Barbie's than boys, but Josh swears he had a crush on me then. He even told me that he didn't ask me to sign his class T-shirt because he was too nervous to talk to me. For our one year anniversary I got one of those T-shirts from my 5th grade teacher and signed it Emily Fidler. :)
We didn't really have any contact again until 10th grade. We had chemistry together. The class I mean. Ha! Josh was so quiet and never talked. I was totally obsessed with some other boy. Josh still tells me that he knew since 5th grade we were supposed to be together and so I really wish he would have clued me in on that revelation and saved my needless obsessing and rejection by other people! The only thing I really remember was being in a group together and trying to draw a line and I couldn't even draw it straight with a ruler. Josh had to do it. He did it straight without the ruler.
You know how you always hear the stories of people running into each other's arms on the beach or something really romantic about how they first knew they liked each other? Well, let me tell you what I remember about our night. We were at McDonald's. It was after a football game and it was freezing. I had on about 10 layers of clothes and I really needed to go to the bathroom. Josh says we started talking about our history class and he just fell in love with me. Go figure. So much for all of the magazine articles about hair, makeup and flirting. I had just spent four hours at a football game, my hair was falling out of the mandatory french braid I had to wear as part of the dance team, and like I said I had on ten layers of sweats that didn't match. To top it off I chose the fascinating subject of history class to discuss! I was obviously not anticipating finding love at McDonald's that night. To this day the only thing I remember is how much I needed to go to the bathroom.
Well, it must be meant to be if it starts out that romantic right? Ha! At that time I had recently had my heartbroken and I was not in the mood to do it all over again. So, I did not make things easy for Josh. I'm very glad he was persistent! You can ask anybody who knew us then, we were JUST FRIENDS! It became my mantra. When I finally agreed to go to our junior prom with him I made it very clear that we were going as JUST FRIENDS!!!
I kept that up for a few more months, but the truth was that the first time we danced together I knew he was the one. I felt safe with him. I guess that doesn't sound very romantic, but my all time favorite verse is Proverbs 4:23. It says "Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." I've always taken guarding my heart very seriously and somehow I just knew with Josh that it would be safe.
I know I drove him crazy with all of the "friend" stuff and a whole list of rules I had. Yes, I had rules. But for some reason he decided I was worth all of it, and that was exactly what I needed. Someone who thought I was worth fighting for. And waiting for. I felt God leading me to a college 6 hours away from home and even though I knew I was supposed to marry Josh, I also knew that I was supposed to go to that school. It was hard and Josh and I could probably have bought a house with what we spent on phone cards, but he waited.
I'm not sure why I felt the need to write this. I guess just thinking about Valentine's Day. Things have a way of becoming so commercialized to the point that they start to lose their meaning. I feel sad for our kids growing up in a time when they are taught to be cynical about love and to just accept that relationships never last and everybody ends up miserable in the end. I don't believe it!
Our first Valentine's Day together, I really got into the whole experience. I cooked Josh's favorite food (okay, it wasn't really his favorite, but it was the only thing I knew how to make) and I set the table with the fancy dinnerware (that was before we had moved 50 times and had 3 kids to break it all) and I even lit a fire in the fireplace. Well...those were the days Josh was working LONG hours as a breadman and I had not yet learned to add 2 hours onto whatever time he said he would be home. Anyway, in the process of preserving the food and the candlelight I managed to nearly burn our apartment down. I had put a candlebra with 6 or 7 candles on the floor in front of the fireplace. Yea, not a good idea. It took me a while to figure out that all of the candles were completely melting all over the tile. I mean COMPLETELY melting. I picked wax off of that floor for weeks.
Not too long after that a country song came out called "I Melt". Josh and I couldn't help but crack up everytime we heard it and had to make up our own version "Everything melts!"
I've been thinking about that Valentine's Day and that song and I realize that Josh still makes me melt. It would take days and weeks and months and years to write about all of the things, good and bad, that we have experienced since that first Valentine's Day, but the truth is that we love each other more now than we did when we had fancy plates to eat on. :)
I hope that all of you had an awesome Valentine's Day and if you are still waiting for that special someone, don't lose heart! Just guard your heart and be willing to wait. The best things are always worth waiting for!!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
LOST
Can I be honest with you? Sometimes I feel a little lost. Not in a spiritual, don't know God kind of way. Just in the general, what the heck is going on kind of way. I started thinking about this because since we moved to Mississippi we've only had one channel and LOST has become my favorite show. Despite the fact that I became obssessed with it and had to rent all of the seasons I had missed to catch me up, I'm having a hard time following it this season. Mostly because you have to have an attention span longer than three minutes to be able to follow it and I seem to be lacking greatly in that area.
Being lost has been a theme lately. Last Friday night Josh and I were supposed to go to an associational pastors and deacons banquet. After the week I had I was thrilled to be going any where out of my house without my children! Again, just being honest. We started the evening out late, which is par for the course for us. The sad thing is I thought we were going somewhere else and I didn't know we were running late. I thought I had timed it perfect. I really couldn't figure out why Josh kept asking if he could do something to help me get ready. I didn't trust him with the hair straightener or the eye shadow, so we just left late. We got the kids dropped off and headed out. There really is nothing like looking for county roads in Jasper County in the dark on highways that have no street lights. I can't see worth a flip anyway so I just offered encouragement like, "Maybe we should turn around" and "I don't think it would be in this county." :) Well, long story longer, we passed our turn and Josh just decided we would drive on to Laurel and get supper. I hate to admit it, but I was kind of excited. I can't remember the last time Josh and I went on a date and these days I have to take it however I can get it! That night getting lost had its perks.
Then on Monday the kids and I headed out to Wal-Mart. I really could write a book just about my experiences at Wal-Mart in the last year. We went to a different one than the one we usually go to and the whole time Eli was saying, "Are we lost? I think we're lost. Are we crashing? Are we racing?" :) He has this thing about crashing and being lost and I'm not sure why because Sarah is the only one who ever gets in wrecks with me. I haven't crashed with Eli once! (For anyone who doesn't know, I put my jeep in reverse and got out and watched it roll through a parking lot with Sarah in it. Yes, that was another blog.)
Well, I guess we all just have those times. I often feel lost in my own little world. Lost in piles of laundry and dishes. Lost in the woods. I even felt at a loss for words for a few days, though I doubt you will believe that! Then I heard a song I haven't heard in forever. Lost in Emotion! Very old school, very stuck in my head this week.
To top off my lost theme Josh came home from school Monday night and told me something that I had never heard in all my years in church. Somehow we started talking about the Israelites and their wanderings in the wilderness. You know, they spent 40 years trying to get to the Promised Land. I kind of understand because we live an hour and a half from Target. Ha! Just kidding. Anyway, he told me something that just blew my mind. Did you know that the actual trip to the Promised Land should have only taken 11 days?!?! Holy cow! Can't you just hear the Israelite women? "I told you we should stop and ask for directions!!" I tried to imagine 40 years listening to Eli say "Are we lost? I think we're lost?" Then I could imagine Sarah leading the way because she always knows exactly what is going on. :) Then I started thinking about Kate and wondering, "Did they have strollers?" Okay, I started getting a little side tracked.
As I thought about the 40 year trip that should have only taken 11 days it made me think about life now. As much as we look back at the Israelites wandering in the wilderness and wonder what in the world they were thinking, I know that we all have lost times. Times when we lose sight of God's direction or try to jump ahead of Him a little bit. When we were getting ready to move to Mississippi I accepted a job that I really didn't feel I was supposed to just because I was desperate to have a job. Fortunately God stepped in and put me back on track with the job I was supposed to have. I later found out the other company was being investigated for fraud! I wouldn't have just lost a job but I could have lost my social workers license as well! I'm still praising God I didn't have to suffer the wandering that decision could have cost me.
It is still a struggle sometimes knowing God's plans and more than that WAITING for God's plan. I've had many conversations with people about that this week as well. I'm a big believer that the plans God has for us are good, not just in spending eternity with Him, but here on earth as well. Often it is just the waiting to get to the good part that is so hard. Josh said that if you could look down at the path the Israelites took it would literally be a zigzag of circling through the wilderness. That's where our own plans and decisions get us. Lost, dizzy and in a big mess.
I love these verses: "Teach me your way, O LORD, And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies. Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries; For false witnesses have risen against me, And such as breathe out violence. I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!" Psalm 27:11-14.
Being lost has been a theme lately. Last Friday night Josh and I were supposed to go to an associational pastors and deacons banquet. After the week I had I was thrilled to be going any where out of my house without my children! Again, just being honest. We started the evening out late, which is par for the course for us. The sad thing is I thought we were going somewhere else and I didn't know we were running late. I thought I had timed it perfect. I really couldn't figure out why Josh kept asking if he could do something to help me get ready. I didn't trust him with the hair straightener or the eye shadow, so we just left late. We got the kids dropped off and headed out. There really is nothing like looking for county roads in Jasper County in the dark on highways that have no street lights. I can't see worth a flip anyway so I just offered encouragement like, "Maybe we should turn around" and "I don't think it would be in this county." :) Well, long story longer, we passed our turn and Josh just decided we would drive on to Laurel and get supper. I hate to admit it, but I was kind of excited. I can't remember the last time Josh and I went on a date and these days I have to take it however I can get it! That night getting lost had its perks.
Then on Monday the kids and I headed out to Wal-Mart. I really could write a book just about my experiences at Wal-Mart in the last year. We went to a different one than the one we usually go to and the whole time Eli was saying, "Are we lost? I think we're lost. Are we crashing? Are we racing?" :) He has this thing about crashing and being lost and I'm not sure why because Sarah is the only one who ever gets in wrecks with me. I haven't crashed with Eli once! (For anyone who doesn't know, I put my jeep in reverse and got out and watched it roll through a parking lot with Sarah in it. Yes, that was another blog.)
Well, I guess we all just have those times. I often feel lost in my own little world. Lost in piles of laundry and dishes. Lost in the woods. I even felt at a loss for words for a few days, though I doubt you will believe that! Then I heard a song I haven't heard in forever. Lost in Emotion! Very old school, very stuck in my head this week.
To top off my lost theme Josh came home from school Monday night and told me something that I had never heard in all my years in church. Somehow we started talking about the Israelites and their wanderings in the wilderness. You know, they spent 40 years trying to get to the Promised Land. I kind of understand because we live an hour and a half from Target. Ha! Just kidding. Anyway, he told me something that just blew my mind. Did you know that the actual trip to the Promised Land should have only taken 11 days?!?! Holy cow! Can't you just hear the Israelite women? "I told you we should stop and ask for directions!!" I tried to imagine 40 years listening to Eli say "Are we lost? I think we're lost?" Then I could imagine Sarah leading the way because she always knows exactly what is going on. :) Then I started thinking about Kate and wondering, "Did they have strollers?" Okay, I started getting a little side tracked.
As I thought about the 40 year trip that should have only taken 11 days it made me think about life now. As much as we look back at the Israelites wandering in the wilderness and wonder what in the world they were thinking, I know that we all have lost times. Times when we lose sight of God's direction or try to jump ahead of Him a little bit. When we were getting ready to move to Mississippi I accepted a job that I really didn't feel I was supposed to just because I was desperate to have a job. Fortunately God stepped in and put me back on track with the job I was supposed to have. I later found out the other company was being investigated for fraud! I wouldn't have just lost a job but I could have lost my social workers license as well! I'm still praising God I didn't have to suffer the wandering that decision could have cost me.
It is still a struggle sometimes knowing God's plans and more than that WAITING for God's plan. I've had many conversations with people about that this week as well. I'm a big believer that the plans God has for us are good, not just in spending eternity with Him, but here on earth as well. Often it is just the waiting to get to the good part that is so hard. Josh said that if you could look down at the path the Israelites took it would literally be a zigzag of circling through the wilderness. That's where our own plans and decisions get us. Lost, dizzy and in a big mess.
I love these verses: "Teach me your way, O LORD, And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies. Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries; For false witnesses have risen against me, And such as breathe out violence. I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!" Psalm 27:11-14.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
A Special Day
Three years ago I had a chance to talk to my three year old about asking Jesus into her heart. I still remember it. Eli was a newborn and we were all in the car waiting for Josh to put up some bread in Sam's. (He was a breadman then, not a pastor.) I was attempting to sing to occupy the kids (I say attempting, because believe me I cannot carry a tune in a bucket). We were singing a song about Jesus knocking on your heart and asking to come in. Sarah asked, "Why does he have to knock if he already lives there?" Pretty deep for a three year old, huh? I explained to here that he doesn't automatically live in our hearts, but that we have to invite him in. She wanted to pray to ask Jesus in. We said a little prayer, but she was so young I didn't think much about it.
About a month later we were taking the Lord's Supper and she wanted to participate. I told her she couldn't that it was just for people who had asked Jesus into their hearts. She said, "But I did remember?" I was so in shock that she remembered that day.
About a month later we were taking the Lord's Supper and she wanted to participate. I told her she couldn't that it was just for people who had asked Jesus into their hearts. She said, "But I did remember?" I was so in shock that she remembered that day.
I still felt that she was too young and we just continued to teach her and pray with her. It was always mine and Josh's prayer that she wouldn't go a day longer than she had to without asking Jesus into her heart.
Sarah Beth on the night she asked Jesus into her heart!On December 11, 2008 we were eating supper and Josh and I were talking. The kids and I had been out of town for a week and we had a lot to catch up on. Out of nowhere Sarah asked about being baptized. She had been asking us about it for awhile, but we wanted to make sure she really understood it and understood why we should get baptized. We shared with her again that we get baptized to show that we have prayed and asked Jesus into our hearts. She said, "Well can I pray already?" Bless her heart, she was getting tired of waiting on us. We prayed with her that night.
I know that we often worry over kids making this decision and feel that they may not completely understand. I know a lot of people who made this decision as a child and later as adults questioned if it was sincere. I personally have come to the conclusion that I feel like too often it is not that children have not made the decision, but that we don't encourage and teach them as much as they need. I say this, because I know that it seems like they're too young to start Bible reading or praying. But, I've learned they're not. If anything they are much more eager and open to the Spirit. Jesus was clear about letting the children come to him.
Anyway, we decided to wait until after the holidays for Sarah's baptism. It seemed like there was always so much going on. She had literally been begging us to do it. I knew that was from God because she has talked about baptism for the last couple of years but kept telling us she was too scared and would wait until she was six. Guess she knew what she was talking about! These past few weeks have been a hard time for my family as my mamaw's house that she built with my papaw and lived in for over forty years burned to the ground. Fortunately no one was home but it was a total loss. A week after that she ended up in the hospital. They thought she had a heart attack, but they discovered that she had developed a lesion on one of the grafts from her last heart surgery that was blocking the blood flow and they were able to repair it.
We had already planned Sarah's baptism and we considered moving it after so much was going on and none of our family was going to be able to be there. But Sarah insisted! A few weeks before her best friend Jacey had come to talk to Josh about also being baptized. I took Sarah and Eli to Eli's room to read books while they talked. I asked if they wanted to pray for Jacey and Sarah did. She thanked Jesus for coming into her heart, and she thanked him for letting Jacey be her best friend. That was special to me, because Sarah had a little best friend in Panama City and when we moved I had prayed so much for the new friends she would make here. How exciting to hear her thank God for her best friend!
Josh didn't pray with Jacey that night. She let him know she had already prayed to ask Jesus into her heart! So Sarah and Jacey got to be baptized together! I sure do look forward to praying for and teaching these girls and seeing the plans God has for them!
Sarah Beth and Jacey February 1, 2009
Sarah being baptized by her daddyat Montrose Baptist Church
Sunday, January 25, 2009
As Seen On TV....
So, this is kind of random, but I'm just wondering...does anybody else feel the need to lose 30 pounds or get their teeth whitened when they get online? I mean, according to all of the advertisements popping up on my pages (and maybe it's just my pages) I've got a lot of work to do. Of course, I already knew that. I just would feel a little better if I didn't look so much like all of the before pictures.
It's the internet now, but a few years back it was infomercials. When Josh and I first got married he was working ALL the time and I spent way too much time watching TV. Without fail, every Saturday would be infomercial day. I have never been overly confident in myself as it is, but let me tell you after a day of infomercials you become aware of insecurities you didn't know you should have!I have to be completely honest and say that I worry way too much about how I look. I have to also say that I haven't met a girl yet who doesn't. It's hard in the world we live in. We are constantly bombarded with beautiful people and their $39.99 secrets to beauty. We are also a society obsessed with makeover shows. We makeover people's houses, cars, wardrobes, and even do plastic surgery for the ultimate makeover. Somehow we've all decided that things that look good can fix the things that make us feel bad.
Lately I have been having a come to Jesus meeting with myself. That's a Mississippi term for a time when you just get it all out there in the open. Anyway, I've had to accept that wrinkles have come and will stay, stretch marks don't fade as much I'd like, and it takes time to recover from bad haircuts. But, I've also realized that those wrinkles have come from laughter and stretch marks from bringing 3 people into the world (okay, and eating a case of honeybuns at a time!). You see, I'm having to learn about a different kind of beauty, the kind they don't sell creams for. Authentic beauty. My friend Karen passed this quote on to me from the book Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy. I want to pass it on to you...
"Authentic beauty may very well be one of the rarest earthly treasures today. It holds a magnetism far beyond the loveliness of a properly painted face, and it possesses a charm that towers over the enchanting grace of a sweet personality. It is not ever to be discovered in the pomp and polish of high society, nor in the silk and satin of those conformed to popular culture. Rather it emerges only rarely in each generation, and that in the life of a young woman-a young woman who is deeply in love with the Prince of her soul."
It's the internet now, but a few years back it was infomercials. When Josh and I first got married he was working ALL the time and I spent way too much time watching TV. Without fail, every Saturday would be infomercial day. I have never been overly confident in myself as it is, but let me tell you after a day of infomercials you become aware of insecurities you didn't know you should have!I have to be completely honest and say that I worry way too much about how I look. I have to also say that I haven't met a girl yet who doesn't. It's hard in the world we live in. We are constantly bombarded with beautiful people and their $39.99 secrets to beauty. We are also a society obsessed with makeover shows. We makeover people's houses, cars, wardrobes, and even do plastic surgery for the ultimate makeover. Somehow we've all decided that things that look good can fix the things that make us feel bad.
Lately I have been having a come to Jesus meeting with myself. That's a Mississippi term for a time when you just get it all out there in the open. Anyway, I've had to accept that wrinkles have come and will stay, stretch marks don't fade as much I'd like, and it takes time to recover from bad haircuts. But, I've also realized that those wrinkles have come from laughter and stretch marks from bringing 3 people into the world (okay, and eating a case of honeybuns at a time!). You see, I'm having to learn about a different kind of beauty, the kind they don't sell creams for. Authentic beauty. My friend Karen passed this quote on to me from the book Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy. I want to pass it on to you...
"Authentic beauty may very well be one of the rarest earthly treasures today. It holds a magnetism far beyond the loveliness of a properly painted face, and it possesses a charm that towers over the enchanting grace of a sweet personality. It is not ever to be discovered in the pomp and polish of high society, nor in the silk and satin of those conformed to popular culture. Rather it emerges only rarely in each generation, and that in the life of a young woman-a young woman who is deeply in love with the Prince of her soul."
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The Love of My Life
Okay, Lori tagged me so here it is in case you were wondering!
1.What is his name? Joshua Stuart Fidler (Josh, Bro.Josh, Scooter)
2. Who eats more? He eats more at one time, but I probably eat more because I eat all the time!
3. Who said, "I love you" first? Josh says that he did b/c he wrote it in a letter one time, but I say that doesn't count. So, I did...He had asked me out several times and I kept saying no b/c I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. Then one night he just totally ignored me after church and even though I was the one just wanting to be "friends" I couldn't handle that. So I told him. It was a beautiful moment complete with me hitting my head trying to get out of the car. :)
4. Who is taller? Josh
1.What is his name? Joshua Stuart Fidler (Josh, Bro.Josh, Scooter)
2. Who eats more? He eats more at one time, but I probably eat more because I eat all the time!
3. Who said, "I love you" first? Josh says that he did b/c he wrote it in a letter one time, but I say that doesn't count. So, I did...He had asked me out several times and I kept saying no b/c I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. Then one night he just totally ignored me after church and even though I was the one just wanting to be "friends" I couldn't handle that. So I told him. It was a beautiful moment complete with me hitting my head trying to get out of the car. :)
4. Who is taller? Josh
5. Who is more sensitive? We are both a little on the sensitive side. He's more caring and sweet, I'm more hormonally challenged!!! :)
6. Who does the laundry? That would be me. He does the ironing though.
7. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Josh.
8. Who pays the bills? We're still trying to figure that out! Ha! J/K. Josh works hard for the money. I work hard to not spend it all. :)
9.Who cooks more? I do, but he's got some skills too.
10. Who is more stubborn? Definitely me!
11. Who is the first to admit they are wrong? 99% of the time I am the one who is wrong and Josh is usually still the first to apologize. He's too sweet!
12. Who has more siblings? Me. I have a brother and sister, he has a sister.
13. Who wears the pants in the relationship? I try to let him. I'm a big believer in the whole head of the household thing. Luckily, I have a good head of my household!
14. What do you like to do together? Anything! Watch movies, play tennis(okay, attempt to play tennis), go for walks, EAT!!!, take naps...we're kind of lazy! Ha!
15. Who eats more sweets? We both have a sweet tooth, but I definitely eat way more.
16. Guilty Pleasures? Peanut M&M's, yea we live on the wild side... :)
17. How did you meet? We were actually in 5th grade together, but Josh says he knew he liked me when we talked to each other after a football game at McDonald's. I should've known I would fall in love at McDonald's!
18. Who asked whom out first? Josh asked me out.
19. Who kissed who first? He kissed me.
20. Who proposed? He did -he actually left me in the parking lot at the mall while he went in to get my ring and I had no idea. Then we went to our favorite park across from the beach and he proposed at sunset.
21. His best features and qualities? Beyond his baby blues and awesome good looks, he is the most amazing person I've ever known. I know lots of people say that about the person they're married to, but really he is. You can ask people. :) Josh is completly sweet and sensitive and yet totally manly and strong. He is genuine, sincere, and thoughtful. He is incredibly intelligent in a book smart kind of way and extremely bright in a real life kind of way. He has been the best earthly example of Jesus I've ever known, and I can say that after living with him for 7 years. He is also a loving daddy and my best friend. Did I mention his good looks?? :)
22. Tag you’re it. Who do you tag? Kim Thomas, Melanie Grimes Hardage
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Great Adventures in 2009
Okay, I've had lots of deep, spiritual thoughts I've been wanting to share, but my brain can't seem to keep or organize thoughts long enough to get them here, so maybe I'll share those later. I thought I would just give a little update about what is new in the Fidler household in 2009.
Unfortunately, there aren't as many new things as I would like! This is the first year in a long time that I remember actually setting resolutions. The last few years have been so crazy that usually my goal for the year is to just survive! This year I had definite plans about child raising, weight loss, and some other random things. But, honestly my first few weeks of 2009 just didn't start out the way I planned. (Haven't I addressed the issue of when I try to plan before?) Anyway, I started out the new year with a court appearance (that is a whole other blog), a bladder infection, sick kids, and 10 pounds I gained over the holidays. Yes, you heard me right. 10 pounds. For the life of me I cannot understand how it takes 2 months to lose 10 pounds and 2 weeks to gain it back!! So, I was faced with the reality that as good as my intentions for new things are, my ability to achieve them is still a bit lacking.
So, I've adapted my resolutions. I know that sounds like I've decided to abandon them right? I haven't. I've just decided to approach them a little differently. Josh has claimed Isaiah 43 for our church this year and I am claiming it for myself. Isaiah 43:18 says, "Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing." I love that! Don't you? In this chapter God goes on and on about the things He will do for His people, the things only He can do. So, I've decided this year I want to forget the former things and get ready for the new! The things only God can do. I think losing weight and keeping my house organized seem like the most impossible tasks known to mankind. But God said, "I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19 So, I've decided not only can I keep my resolutions with God's help, I'm going to expect more. Weight loss and clean floors will pale in comparison with the changes that I'm expecting God to make in my heart and mind. He can do that!
So, we're only a few weeks in. They have not been stellar weeks that I would like on file for future generations to observe. I started homeschooling Sarah last week. That was a very difficult and much prayed about decision for us. I cannot tell you how many times I have said even just a few months ago that I could never homeschool my children. Have I ever told you what happens when I tell God the things I will not do? I have also in years past said that I would never work with youth or live in the parking lot of a church. Ha. Enough said. While getting sick and having sick kids was not part of my lesson plan for the first two weeks, I am already seeing the lessons I am being taught through this process. I'm sure you will be hearing a lot about our homeschooling adventures in future blogs to come!
Right now I am very excited about some upcoming events in our family. My sister Jenny who has been living in Alaska for the last 3 years will find out by the end of this week where they will be moving in June. I am sooo excited because anywhere will be closer than Alaska! I got so excited in the store the other night because I found a present I wanted to get my nephew for his birthday and I realized that I might actually get to give it to him and not have to mail it!
We are also looking forward to gaining a new family member as Josh's sister Leah just got engaged this past weekend. We will get to meet Brad, her fiance, next week and are really looking forward to that visit. And can I just say that nothing provides weight loss motivation for me like the thought of a bridesmaid dress! :) We are so excited for them.
In this last week of sickness and homeschooling, I also decided that I would organize my 10 year class reunion for my high school. What kind of meds was I taking anyway? :) Just kidding. While I have felt a little overwhelmed by this task I am also really enjoying reconnecting with old friends and looking forward to having a reason to dress up!
There are definitely so many things to be excited about and look forward to this year. While I am a little late, I want to wish all of you the very best in 2009 and offer some encouragement as we keep pressing on!!
Unfortunately, there aren't as many new things as I would like! This is the first year in a long time that I remember actually setting resolutions. The last few years have been so crazy that usually my goal for the year is to just survive! This year I had definite plans about child raising, weight loss, and some other random things. But, honestly my first few weeks of 2009 just didn't start out the way I planned. (Haven't I addressed the issue of when I try to plan before?) Anyway, I started out the new year with a court appearance (that is a whole other blog), a bladder infection, sick kids, and 10 pounds I gained over the holidays. Yes, you heard me right. 10 pounds. For the life of me I cannot understand how it takes 2 months to lose 10 pounds and 2 weeks to gain it back!! So, I was faced with the reality that as good as my intentions for new things are, my ability to achieve them is still a bit lacking.
So, I've adapted my resolutions. I know that sounds like I've decided to abandon them right? I haven't. I've just decided to approach them a little differently. Josh has claimed Isaiah 43 for our church this year and I am claiming it for myself. Isaiah 43:18 says, "Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing." I love that! Don't you? In this chapter God goes on and on about the things He will do for His people, the things only He can do. So, I've decided this year I want to forget the former things and get ready for the new! The things only God can do. I think losing weight and keeping my house organized seem like the most impossible tasks known to mankind. But God said, "I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19 So, I've decided not only can I keep my resolutions with God's help, I'm going to expect more. Weight loss and clean floors will pale in comparison with the changes that I'm expecting God to make in my heart and mind. He can do that!
So, we're only a few weeks in. They have not been stellar weeks that I would like on file for future generations to observe. I started homeschooling Sarah last week. That was a very difficult and much prayed about decision for us. I cannot tell you how many times I have said even just a few months ago that I could never homeschool my children. Have I ever told you what happens when I tell God the things I will not do? I have also in years past said that I would never work with youth or live in the parking lot of a church. Ha. Enough said. While getting sick and having sick kids was not part of my lesson plan for the first two weeks, I am already seeing the lessons I am being taught through this process. I'm sure you will be hearing a lot about our homeschooling adventures in future blogs to come!
Right now I am very excited about some upcoming events in our family. My sister Jenny who has been living in Alaska for the last 3 years will find out by the end of this week where they will be moving in June. I am sooo excited because anywhere will be closer than Alaska! I got so excited in the store the other night because I found a present I wanted to get my nephew for his birthday and I realized that I might actually get to give it to him and not have to mail it!
We are also looking forward to gaining a new family member as Josh's sister Leah just got engaged this past weekend. We will get to meet Brad, her fiance, next week and are really looking forward to that visit. And can I just say that nothing provides weight loss motivation for me like the thought of a bridesmaid dress! :) We are so excited for them.
In this last week of sickness and homeschooling, I also decided that I would organize my 10 year class reunion for my high school. What kind of meds was I taking anyway? :) Just kidding. While I have felt a little overwhelmed by this task I am also really enjoying reconnecting with old friends and looking forward to having a reason to dress up!
There are definitely so many things to be excited about and look forward to this year. While I am a little late, I want to wish all of you the very best in 2009 and offer some encouragement as we keep pressing on!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
That hurt my feelings!
Eli didn't want to go to church on Sunday. He had slept in and I figured he was just Christmas jet-lagged. He started crying and not wanting to get to dressed. I kind of knew how he felt, I was feeling a little jet-lagged myself. That was very unusual for him though because he usually loves to go to church. He didn't have a fever or any other signs of illness. I asked him "What hurts?" You'll never guess his answer. He answered in his tearful, pouty lip way, "My feelings!"
Ha! I had to laugh. I also had to admire his honesty. Let's face it, how many times do we want to avoid life because our feelings hurt? I'm still not sure exactly what hurt Eli's feelings except that I told him to get dressed and he was not in the mood. I'm afraid Eli has inherited part of my personality. You see when I was little I was what they called a "sensitive" child. It didn't take much to hurt my feelings or make me cry. I'm afraid I was also a "sensitive" teenager and a "sensitive" young adult. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that is totally a bad thing. I like to think that some of that sensitivity lends itself to compassion for others. As much as I hated to have my feelings hurt, I've always hated to hurt other people too. I see that in Eli. He is very caring and aware of other people's feelings. But that same sensitivity can lead to a lot of uneccessary pain and disappointment. Let me share what I've learned...
A few years back when I was going through my depression God began to show me how much I was in bondage to what other people thought of me. I felt like what other people said about me was always the truth and that I was whatever other people thought I was. It really never occurred to me that someone might say something to me when they were having a bad day that they didn't mean. I would automatically take it as the truth and let if affect me. On the flip side if someone complimented me that would feed my ego and give me a high. My emotions became like a seesaw that other people were controlling.
I came across a verse that spoke freedom to me. 1 John 3:20 says "For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things." Let me tell you what this means to me. Feelings are a great thing. I'm a feelings junkie! I love the feeling of being in love, the feeling of loving my little ones, the feeling of being refreshed after a great talk with friends, the feeling of anticipation waiting for Christmas Day! After so many years of depression that left me totally numb, I'm even thankful for the feelings that aren't so pleasant but are necessary. Grieving, disappointment, and anger. God uses them all. But, I've had to learn that sometimes, my feelings betray me. Sometimes I'm sad when I have no reason to be sad. Sometimes I have happiness that isn't real because it is temporary and based on something that isn't real. And sometimes I still let guilt rule my life even though I know that God's Word tells me, "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." Romans 8:1.
Feelings may lie to us sometimes, but the awesome truth is that God is greater than our hearts. God is not only bigger than our hearts, but He knows EVERYTHING. The good, the bad, and the ugly. But He doesn't tell! He doesn't air our dirty laundry for others to gossip about or judge and on the other side He doesn't broadcast our good works for us to be praised and worshipped. That's between us and Him. It has brought such freedom to me to know that I can serve God without an audience. People can say and think whatever they want to about me, but God always knows the truth. I don't have to bend over backwards to impress other people because at the end of the day God is the only one who matters. I don't think this gives us a free ride to ignore people or their thoughts and opinions. It just helped me to realize that I'm not a slave to my feelings or how other people affect them. I'm a child of a King and living for Him is what is important.
I know that Eli is not the only one who struggles with his feelings being hurt. Let's admit it, the older we get the more our feelings get hurt sometimes because we don't let things go the way 3 years old do. I've seen my kids fighting and ready to strangle each other shouting the most treacherous of phrases "Well, I'm not going to play with you ever again!!" only to turn right around and be playing together 10 minutes later. They're very forgiving. Sadly, adults do not forgive and forget so easily. We like to hang onto our hurt feelings and bring them up every chance we get, dont' we? Well, as easily as my feelings have been hurt in the past I've had to learn that I've hurt just as many people in return. That's part of being human. We do that. We are all disappointed when we put our trust in other people instead of God. Every human being is capable of hurting at some point. Only Jesus was perfect and only God "knows all things". Trust Him with your heart.
Ha! I had to laugh. I also had to admire his honesty. Let's face it, how many times do we want to avoid life because our feelings hurt? I'm still not sure exactly what hurt Eli's feelings except that I told him to get dressed and he was not in the mood. I'm afraid Eli has inherited part of my personality. You see when I was little I was what they called a "sensitive" child. It didn't take much to hurt my feelings or make me cry. I'm afraid I was also a "sensitive" teenager and a "sensitive" young adult. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that is totally a bad thing. I like to think that some of that sensitivity lends itself to compassion for others. As much as I hated to have my feelings hurt, I've always hated to hurt other people too. I see that in Eli. He is very caring and aware of other people's feelings. But that same sensitivity can lead to a lot of uneccessary pain and disappointment. Let me share what I've learned...
A few years back when I was going through my depression God began to show me how much I was in bondage to what other people thought of me. I felt like what other people said about me was always the truth and that I was whatever other people thought I was. It really never occurred to me that someone might say something to me when they were having a bad day that they didn't mean. I would automatically take it as the truth and let if affect me. On the flip side if someone complimented me that would feed my ego and give me a high. My emotions became like a seesaw that other people were controlling.
I came across a verse that spoke freedom to me. 1 John 3:20 says "For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things." Let me tell you what this means to me. Feelings are a great thing. I'm a feelings junkie! I love the feeling of being in love, the feeling of loving my little ones, the feeling of being refreshed after a great talk with friends, the feeling of anticipation waiting for Christmas Day! After so many years of depression that left me totally numb, I'm even thankful for the feelings that aren't so pleasant but are necessary. Grieving, disappointment, and anger. God uses them all. But, I've had to learn that sometimes, my feelings betray me. Sometimes I'm sad when I have no reason to be sad. Sometimes I have happiness that isn't real because it is temporary and based on something that isn't real. And sometimes I still let guilt rule my life even though I know that God's Word tells me, "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." Romans 8:1.
Feelings may lie to us sometimes, but the awesome truth is that God is greater than our hearts. God is not only bigger than our hearts, but He knows EVERYTHING. The good, the bad, and the ugly. But He doesn't tell! He doesn't air our dirty laundry for others to gossip about or judge and on the other side He doesn't broadcast our good works for us to be praised and worshipped. That's between us and Him. It has brought such freedom to me to know that I can serve God without an audience. People can say and think whatever they want to about me, but God always knows the truth. I don't have to bend over backwards to impress other people because at the end of the day God is the only one who matters. I don't think this gives us a free ride to ignore people or their thoughts and opinions. It just helped me to realize that I'm not a slave to my feelings or how other people affect them. I'm a child of a King and living for Him is what is important.
I know that Eli is not the only one who struggles with his feelings being hurt. Let's admit it, the older we get the more our feelings get hurt sometimes because we don't let things go the way 3 years old do. I've seen my kids fighting and ready to strangle each other shouting the most treacherous of phrases "Well, I'm not going to play with you ever again!!" only to turn right around and be playing together 10 minutes later. They're very forgiving. Sadly, adults do not forgive and forget so easily. We like to hang onto our hurt feelings and bring them up every chance we get, dont' we? Well, as easily as my feelings have been hurt in the past I've had to learn that I've hurt just as many people in return. That's part of being human. We do that. We are all disappointed when we put our trust in other people instead of God. Every human being is capable of hurting at some point. Only Jesus was perfect and only God "knows all things". Trust Him with your heart.
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