That Kind of Love

I love love. Back in the day, I loved head spinning, butterfly fluttering, cheeks blushing kind of love. Sometimes, I love candlelit, slow dancing, long kisses kind of love. Sometimes I love silly making, around the couch chasing, funny faces kind of love. And sometimes, I love long talks, deep thoughts, and serious matters. But most of all, I love "that kind of love".

Just a few weeks ago I sat at the funeral of my best friend's mom. After more than a decade of struggling with the debilitating effects of a stroke, I felt relieved for her that she is whole and free from the pain and suffering she knew in this world. Of course my heart broke for her children and husband. A funeral doesn't seem like an ideal setting for thoughts on love and romance, but that is exactly where my mind went. Because I've never seen a man love a woman the way my friend's dad loved her mom. And by "seen" I mean literally observed in the way that he cared for her, physically, emotionally, and spiritually for over a decade what love looks like in action. At the funeral those who spoke praised him for the way he cared for his wife, but after it was over even greater praise was given. My friend told me, "He enjoyed taking care of her." Oh, that our idea of love would change from the selfish, who makes me feel loved and look good to others to the reality that true love serves those we love gladly. Although I felt sad for the loss he experienced, I found myself feeling even sadder for people who never know that kind of love in their life.

I think of the people we idolize in our society. Celebrities and sports stars who have relationships and marriages that change as often as their hairstyles or the teams they play for. I think of the shows we watch and the songs we listen to full of drama and emotion. We obsess over couples and what they look like together. But we spend very little time caring how they love each other. And I pray that we realize that the kind of "love" we idolize isn't "that kind of love". "That kind of love" is the choice we make that we will honor and respect another person becase "Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." (Robert Heinlein).

I witnessed that kind of love as I looked in on my friend's parent's relationship. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't easy. We make a mistake when we think that true love means it's easy. I think true love is when you decide you are going to stick around even on days when it's the hardest thing you've ever done.

I am thankful that my husband considers this godly man a mentor. He has already chosen to stick around on some hard days, but I am glad to know that he has witnessed a living example of a man loving his wife the way that Christ loves the church, and he thinks that's a person to look up to. How I wish that every person (young and old) chose this as the example for how they will love another.

Call me delusional, but I'm still a believer in romance and soul mates and happy endings. But I don't think those things magically happen in fields full of flowers with sappy love songs playing. I think they happen when two people decide they want to set their hearts on God's plan for them and that come hell or highwater they are going to choose to go through it with that person. Whether they are dancing and holding hands or hanging onto each other for dear life, they know that no matter what else is happening in the world around them, they have each other.

And then, when one of those people has finished their journey, the other can say, “I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough..”  ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook