Slow Me Down

At the age of 9 my most  favorite activity was to turn on the stereo (you know, the tall kind with a record and cassette player) and spin around in circles until I was so dizzy I would fall down. What? You didn't really think I was a nine year old who read Voltaire or played the violin, did you? Anyway, I share that because I was thinking about it the other day and how it was great practice for my life these days. It's exactly how I feel sometimes. Like I'm spinning in circles until I fall down. Except, sometimes it's not as fun.

Over the last several months our life shifted into overdrive and I've been meeting myself coming and going. I told my kids that this week was the week that we recovered our house. They asked what that meant. I told them it means we will make our house look like a place human beings live instead of a place wild animals stop through for feedings! I'm still working on the recovering by the way.

When I made the decision to look for a full-time job one of the factors soon became the fact that both of my part-time jobs took place in the afternoons and evenings. When we added church and ball into the mix, it started to feel a little crazy. When we started going out of town for dance competitions it felt downright insane. No matter how busy we would get I would constantly compare myself to other people and think, 'They do this and this and this and they're fine'.  Or, 'If so and so can handle that schedule, I can handle this.' And I could. The truth is that I've always been a busy, on the go kind of person. In high school I went non-stop. It was one of the hard parts of motherhood for me. I still remember after Sarah was born having the realization that I couldn't just up and run to Wal-Mart at 9:00 at night if I wanted to. Not without packing the house and arranging it around a baby's schedule. Now, my kids are at ages where it is a little easier to be on the go. Even though it is easier, I've realized that it is not necessarily best. 

As I've shared, it is has been emotional for me giving up dance and theater. My theater kids asked me if they could pay me 1 million dollars if I would direct another play. I told them that, yes, for a million dollars, I would. :)  The truth is, I love my dance and my theater kids like they are my own. One of my tiny tots gave me a Mother's Day card and thanked me for working with her like she was my own child. It's a card I'll treasure forever. But all of the emotion really hit home for me at our dress rehearsal. I was running around like a crazy person backstage and finally, we got down to the last 2 dances. All of my classes were finished and Sarah's lyrical class was one of those last two. I headed out front to sit down and actually watch one of her dances. I had seen parts of it and heard the song, but that day as I was waiting to embark on my last week of dance, it hit me hard. I watched my baby girl, who isn't looking like a baby anymore, dance so beautifully to a song that spoke to my heart in a deep, cutting way. 

SLOW ME DOWN~Emmy Rossum

Rushing and racing
and running in circles
Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic
Pace of the world
I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

Save me
Somebody take my hand, and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flys by
I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might dissapear
In the blur of fast forward I faulter again
Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere

All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Passed me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart

Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flys by
I need you to slow me down

Just show me
I need you to slow me down

The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe, somebody please
Slow me down

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I watched beautiful young girls dance to a song asking us to slow them down and I thought of the last several months and how much Sarah has been running with me. I've been setting the example for her that what matters in life is how fast we run, how much we do. I cried like a baby watching that dance because I am ready to slow us all down. Before I blink she will be a teenager and I will have lost precious years to busyness. 

Father, slow us down. Teach us the balance of fulfilling our purpose and being productive for you while experiencing the peaceful, quiet rest of Your Presence. Focus my heart and mind on the important things, the things that matter to You. Help me be the teacher and parent that my children need and live out for them what a life poured out for you looks like. 

"The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

~Exodus 33:14